Money— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and article errors, avoid repetition, and keep to under five sentences.

Example: Yes. A few months ago I borrowed money from a friend after a car accident because I didn’t have enough savings to pay for repairs. I asked to borrow the amount for one week, and I repaid him as soon as I received the money from insurance.

Suggestion: Begin with a direct topic sentence, fix tense and article errors, and remove fillers. Use linking words to sequence events (for example, 'when' and 'after'), and provide one clear specific detail about amount or timeframe. Keep under five sentences.

Example: Yes. When I first moved to Canada a few years ago, a relative asked me to help with hospital bills, so I lent him a few hundred dollars. He repaid me after about two months, and he was very grateful for the support.

× Yes, I remember a few months ago when I had a car accident and I don't have enough savings.

✓ Yes, I remember a few months ago when I had a car accident and I didn't have enough savings.

The sentence mixes past and present tense: 'I had a car accident' is past, so the related clause should use past tense 'didn't have' rather than present 'don't have' to show a consistent time frame.

× I asked my friend to lend me a money because I didn't have the enough funds to sustain my car maintenance.

✓ I asked my friend to lend me some money because I didn't have enough funds to cover my car maintenance.

'A money' is incorrect because 'money' is an uncountable noun and should not take 'a'; use 'some money'. 'The enough funds' is incorrect word order and article use; use 'enough funds' without 'the'. 'Sustain my car maintenance' is awkward; 'cover my car maintenance' is more natural.

× So I asked him to let me borrow for a week and I brought it back to him after myself.

✓ So I asked him to lend it to me for a week and I paid it back to him afterwards.

Pronoun and verb choices are wrong: 'let me borrow' is less natural than 'lend it to me'; 'brought it back to him after myself' is ungrammatical and misuses 'myself' and 'brought' instead of 'paid' or 'paid it back'. Use 'afterwards' or 'after a week' for time expression.

× Because, uh, remember a few years back then when I first traveled here in Canada, one of my relatives asked me for help because he had hospital bills that he needs to pay.

✓ I remember a few years ago when I first traveled to Canada; one of my relatives asked me for help because he had hospital bills he needed to pay.

The original starts with 'Because' and has disfluent fillers; sentence structure is awkward. Use 'I remember a few years ago' and keep tense consistent: 'he had hospital bills he needed to pay' (past tense) rather than 'needs to pay'.

× And also he asked me for specific amounts.

✓ He asked me for a specific amount.

'Amounts' implies multiple sums; context suggests a single request, so 'a specific amount' is clearer. If multiple sums were intended, keep 'specific amounts' but adjust surrounding context. Also 'And also' is redundant; use one connective.

× So I lend him money and he paid me back after a couple of months.

✓ So I lent him money and he paid me back after a couple of months.

The verb 'lend' should be in the past tense 'lent' to match the past-time narrative. 'Paid me back' is correct past tense.

× And he, he's very grateful because I'm the one who helped him too.

✓ He was very grateful because I was the one who helped him.

Mixes present and past: narrative is past so use 'was' rather than 'is' and 'helped' already past. Remove redundant 'too' unless comparing. Also avoid repeated pronoun 'he, he's'; use 'he was' for clarity.