Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer directly addresses the question and gives useful facts, but it is a little long and slightly repetitive (mentioning “capital” and location could be more concise). Improve by using a clear topic sentence followed by one or two supporting details, and link ideas with a short connector. Aim for natural phrasing and varied vocabulary (e.g., “northern Vietnam” instead of “the north of my country”).

例: I come from Hanoi, the capital of Vietnam. It’s in northern Vietnam and is one of the country’s oldest and most historic cities, famous for its lakes and French colonial architecture.

提案: Your main idea is clear (you like the food), but the answer is incomplete, disfluent and contains grammatical errors and repetitions. Improve by giving a clear topic sentence, then one specific example of a dish and a brief reason. Use linking words (for example, because, for instance) and correct tense/form. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: What I like most about Hanoi is the food. For instance, I love pho—Vietnamese noodle soup—because it’s flavorful and widely available on the streets. I first tried it when I was a child, and the rich broth and fresh herbs always remind me of home.

提案: Your answer is accurate and simple, but you repeat information and use filler words. Make a concise topic sentence and add a short supporting detail if needed (e.g., mention a life stage or reason you stayed). Use present perfect correctly and avoid repeating the same point.

例: I’ve lived in Hanoi for 16 years, so it’s where I’ve spent my whole life. I’ve grown up there and finished all my schooling locally.

提案: You give a clear opinion but the answer is disfluent and unclear due to hesitations and an unfinished reason. Improve by stating your opinion briefly, then give two specific reasons (use linking words like because and for example). Avoid fillers (umm, uh) and finish your sentences. Be specific about what activities or facilities benefit young people.

例: Yes, definitely. Hanoi is great for young people because there are many entertainment options, such as cinemas, live music venues and modern cafés. For example, young people can attend concerts at cultural centers or meet friends at the popular Old Quarter cafés.

× Hanoi is my hometown, which is the capital of Vietnam, so it is located in the north of my country and it is one of the oldest cities in Vietnam.

✓ Hanoi is my hometown; it is the capital of Vietnam, located in the north of my country, and it is one of the oldest cities in Vietnam.

The original sentence misuses 'which' to attach the clause about the capital, causing a slightly awkward and potentially incorrect relative clause. Replace 'which is the capital of Vietnam' with a clear independent clause or use a reduced clause. Also combine ideas with proper punctuation and a reduced relative clause ('located in the north') for clarity and grammatical correctness. Use of 'there is/there are' is not needed here, so this is classified under 'There be issue' as the relative construction caused the problem.

× So the thing that I like most in Hanoi is food. So there are so many local food such as and I love it. At the first time I've tried.

✓ The thing I like most in Hanoi is the food. There are many local dishes, and I love them. I loved them from the first time I tried them.

Errors: 'so many local food' uses 'many' with an uncountable noun; 'food' should be 'dishes' or 'types of food' to be countable. 'Such as' is left incomplete and should introduce examples; remove if none are given. Pronouns must agree in number: 'it' should be 'them' (referring to plural 'dishes'). Tense and word choice: 'At the first time I've tried' is awkward; use simple past 'I loved them from the first time I tried them.' Suggestions: use countable noun 'dishes', ensure quantifier matches noun, complete 'such as' with examples or remove it, and use consistent pronouns and tense.

× So I have lived in Hanoi for 16 years. So now I'm 16 years old and I've lived there for whole of my life.

✓ I have lived in Hanoi for 16 years. I'm 16 years old, and I have lived there for my whole life.

Minor grammatical and stylistic issues: 'So' at the start is unnecessary. Use 'I have lived' consistently (present perfect) for a duration up to now. 'for whole of my life' needs the determiner 'my' before 'whole' and idiomatic word order: 'for my whole life.' Remove contractions of tense forms for clarity and keep consistent present perfect for ongoing situations.

× Yes, definitely. I mean, Hanoi is one of the best places umm, in my country for young people because uh and Hanoi, there are so many places for entertaining also for young people who are going to find.

✓ Yes, definitely. I mean, Hanoi is one of the best places in my country for young people because there are many places for entertainment and activities for young people to enjoy.

Problems: 'places for entertaining' is incorrect; use the noun 'entertainment' or 'places for entertainment' rather than the -ing verb 'entertaining' in this structure. The phrase 'young people who are going to find' is incomplete and ungrammatical; replace with 'young people to enjoy' or 'for young people to visit.' Remove filler words 'umm'/'uh' and redundant commas. Use plural agreement and correct noun forms for clarity.