Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장 구조를 더 자연스럽게 고치고 불필요한 어휘를 제거하세요. 예를 들어 ‘West Side in South Korea’처럼 모호한 표현 대신 정확한 지역 표현을 사용하고, 한 문장으로 간결하게 시작하세요. 또한 도시에 대해 한두 단어의 추가 설명(예: coastal city, small town)을 덧붙이면 더 풍부해집니다.

例: My hometown is Sachin, a small town on the west coast of South Korea.

提案: 문법과 문장 연결을 개선하세요. 주어-동사 일치와 단수/복수 형태를 맞추고, ‘gives me’처럼 불완전한 표현을 완성하세요. 또한 linking words(so, because, which)를 적절히 사용하여 이유와 결과를 명확히 제시하세요. 구체적 세부사항(예: fresh air, peaceful lifestyle, hiking spots)을 포함하세요.

例: I like that my hometown is very rural, surrounded by mountains and the sea, so it offers fresh air and peaceful scenery for hiking and relaxing.

提案: 시제와 문법을 바로잡으세요. 현재완료와 과거분사를 정확히 사용하고, 이유를 짧게 덧붙일 때는 연결사를 자연스럽게 사용하세요. 또한 응답을 하나의 명확한 문장으로 유지하세요.

例: I've lived there for about 20 years because I was born and raised in Sachin.

提案: 표현을 더 자연스럽고 정확하게 고치세요. 'not fit for' 대신 'not ideal for' 또는 'not very suitable for'가 자연스럽고, 'too much'는 가산/불가산 구분에 맞게 고치세요. 또한 대안이나 이유를 한두 가지 구체적으로 제시하면 좋습니다(예: limited entertainment, few job opportunities).

例: To be honest, it's not ideal for young people because there aren't many entertainment options or job opportunities nearby.

× My hometown is Sachin, which is located in West Side in South Korea.

✓ My hometown is Sachin, which is located on the west side of South Korea.

The prepositions were incorrect: use 'on the west side' (not 'in West Side in'). Also 'west side' is lowercased and use 'of South Korea' to show location. Suggestion: say 'located on the west side of South Korea' or 'in the western part of South Korea.'

× My hometown Sunshine is very rural areas which is surrounded the mountains and sea. So it gives me.

✓ My hometown Sunshine is a very rural area surrounded by mountains and the sea, so it appeals to me.

Mismatch between singular and plural: 'is very rural areas' should be 'is a very rural area.' Also 'surrounded the mountains and sea' needs passive preposition 'surrounded by' and include the definite article for 'the sea' and 'mountains' depending on meaning. 'So it gives me' is incomplete; 'it appeals to me' or 'I like that' is clearer. Suggestion: use singular 'area,' 'surrounded by,' and complete the idea like 'so I like it' or 'so it appeals to me.'

× I've lived here about 20 years because I born and grown in Sachin.

✓ I've lived here for about 20 years because I was born and raised in Sachin.

The clause 'I born and grown' is ungrammatical: use past passive 'was born' and past participle 'raised' (or 'grown up'). Also duration with present perfect uses 'for about 20 years.' Suggestion: say 'I've lived here for about 20 years because I was born and raised in Sachin.'

× To be honest, it's not fit for young people because there are not too much things to do.

✓ To be honest, it's not suitable for young people because there aren't many things to do.

'Not fit' is better phrased as 'not suitable.' 'There are not too much things' uses wrong quantifier: 'much' with countable 'things' is incorrect; use 'many things' and negative form 'aren't many things to do.' Suggestion: say 'not suitable for young people because there aren't many things to do.'