Patience— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific examples to support it. Avoid repetition ("I find myself"). Use linking words (however, because) and correct small grammar issues (e.g., "I am generally patient" instead of "very much patient").

例: I am generally a patient person, but at home I can be less patient, especially with my mother. For example, I get irritated quickly when small disagreements turn into long arguments, because I worry about unresolved issues.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence and one specific reason. Reduce informal phrases like "match my vibes" and avoid repetition. Use linking words (for example, because) and correct grammar (e.g., "when someone disagrees with me or speaks rudely").

例: I become impatient mainly when I'm arguing with someone because I feel misunderstood. For example, if someone speaks rudely or refuses to listen to my point, I quickly lose my temper.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and use smoother linking words. Fix word order and use more precise vocabulary (e.g., "tedious" instead of "boring work"). Give one concrete example to illustrate endurance. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: I don't mind working on a task for a long time as long as it's engaging. For instance, I can concentrate for hours when I'm proofreading because I enjoy improving texts, but I feel tired and gloomy when doing repetitive, tedious tasks like data entry.

提案: Remove fillers ("Ara"), repeat less, and state clearly how your job demands patience. Give one specific strategy you use to remain patient. Use linking words like "because" or "so" for coherence.

例: Yes. As a tutor, I often teach students who are impatient, so I need to stay calm and use clear, structured methods. For example, I break lessons into short activities and give frequent praise to keep the student focused and reduce disruption.

提案: Give a direct comparison with a clear topic sentence, then provide a specific reason and one example. Fix grammar and sentence fragments (combine short fragments into full sentences). Use words such as "however" or "because" for clarity.

例: I am less patient now than I was as a child. In the past I handled difficulties more calmly, but now I get irritated more quickly because of stress and many responsibilities; for example, small setbacks at work now frustrate me more than they used to.

× I find myself very much patient during most of the time.

✓ I find myself very patient most of the time.

'very much patient' is non-native adjective modifier order. Use 'very' with adjectives: 'very patient'. Also 'during most of the time' is wordy; correct form is 'most of the time'. Suggestion: use 'very patient most of the time.'

× However, while I'm at home I find myself very impatient, mostly when I'm around my mother.

✓ However, when I'm at home I find myself very impatient, especially when I'm with my mother.

Replace 'while' with 'when' for habitual state and use 'especially' instead of 'mostly' for emphasis. 'Around my mother' is acceptable but 'with my mother' is more natural. Maintain present continuous for current habitual feeling.

× I feel I get angry quickly.

✓ I feel that I get angry quickly.

Add conjunction 'that' to link 'feel' with clause, making the sentence grammatically complete. The tense and meaning remain present simple for habitual tendency.

× The thing that makes me most impatient is while arguing with someone.

✓ The thing that makes me most impatient is arguing with someone.

Remove 'while' because 'is while arguing' creates an awkward clause. Use the gerund 'arguing' as a noun phrase complement after 'is'. This fixes sentence structure.

× When I when someone doesn't match my vibes or I don't like what they speak or how they talk to me then I get very angry.

✓ When someone doesn't match my vibes or I don't like what they say or how they talk to me, I get very angry.

Remove duplicate 'When I', change 'speak' to 'say' for natural collocation, and place the main clause after the conditional clause. Also add a comma. This corrects sentence structure and word choice.

× Usually I work doing something for a long time doesn't bother me, but that depends on the work.

✓ Usually doing a task for a long time doesn't bother me, but it depends on the work.

Original mixes 'I work doing something' awkwardly. Use 'doing a task' or 'working on something' as the subject. Replace 'that' with 'it' to refer to the situation. This clarifies subject and verb agreement.

× If I find it enjoyable and I don't get bored, then that doesn't make me feel tired.

✓ If I find it enjoyable and don't get bored, then it doesn't make me feel tired.

Remove unnecessary repetition of subject 'I' for conciseness and replace 'that' with 'it' to refer to the activity. This improves naturalness and grammar.

× However, a boring work can make me gloomy.

✓ However, boring work can make me feel gloomy.

'Work' as an uncountable noun should not take 'a'. Remove 'a' and add 'feel' to sound natural: 'make me feel gloomy.' This corrects article and adjective use.

× Yes Ara, currently I'm tutoring a student who is really impatient and naughty, so while teaching him I have to be patient and teach him with more proficiency and patience.

✓ Yes, Ara. Currently I'm tutoring a student who is very impatient and naughty, so while teaching him I have to be patient and teach him with greater skill and patience.

Add commas/punctuation for address. 'Really' is acceptable but 'very' is slightly more formal. 'More proficiency' is incorrect; use 'greater skill' or 'more skill'. Keep 'patience' once; avoid repetition. This fixes word choice and clarity.

× I have observed that I am being more impatient day by day whereas I was more patient earlier.

✓ I have observed that I am becoming more impatient day by day, whereas I was more patient before.

Use 'becoming' instead of 'being' to indicate gradual change. 'Earlier' is acceptable but 'before' is more natural here. This corrects tense/aspect usage.

× When I had any pain or any struggle.

✓ When I had any pain or struggled,

Original is a sentence fragment without a main clause. Combine into a dependent clause by using past verb 'struggled' or use 'suffered pain or struggled'. Ensure it connects to the next main clause. Also avoid repetition 'any pain or any struggle'.

× I used to take it easily and think positively but nowadays I become irritated easily.

✓ I used to take it easily and think positively, but nowadays I become irritated easily.

First clause is past habit 'used to' — keep comma before 'but'. However 'become irritated easily' with 'nowadays' requires present tense 'become' is acceptable for current tendency; to be clearer use 'I now become irritated more easily.' Suggestion: '...but nowadays I become irritated more easily.' This aligns comparative adverb placement.