Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., "I used to love chocolate, but now I avoid it"). Remove repetition, correct grammar (tense consistency, articles) and use linking words to show contrast (e.g., "however"). Keep it within 2–4 sentences and give a specific example of what you eat instead.

例: I used to love chocolate when I was a child, but now I avoid it because I’m more health-conscious. For example, I’ve replaced packed chocolates with fresh fruit and nuts as snacks, which I find more nutritious and satisfying.

提案: Answer directly with frequency (e.g., "rarely" or "only on special occasions") and give brief supporting details. Fix grammar and avoid repetition. Use linking words (e.g., "usually", "for example") to make it coherent.

例: I rarely eat chocolate now and only have it on special occasions. For example, I might eat chocolate at friends’ birthday parties or during festivals when people give sweets as gifts.

提案: Provide a clear, grammatically correct topic sentence and one or two specific supporting details. Mention specific chocolates briefly and explain why you liked them. Avoid vague phrases like "apart from this" and redundant words.

例: Yes, I ate chocolate often when I was a child. My favorite was Dairy Milk and Five Star because they were sweet and creamy, and I enjoyed having them as an after-school treat.

提案: Start with a concise general statement and then give two specific reasons with linking words (e.g., "Firstly", "Secondly"). Use precise vocabulary (e.g., "popular globally" instead of "in all over the world") and avoid filler words like "uh".

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide because it appeals to many tastes and is associated with celebration. Firstly, people often give chocolates as gifts on birthdays and festivals; secondly, its sweet taste and variety of forms make it widely enjoyed by different ages.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence stating your favourite, then two clear, specific reasons with correct tense and linking words. Replace vague phrases like "variety of reasons" with concrete explanations (e.g., "it tastes less sweet and is rich in antioxidants").

例: My favourite is dark chocolate because it has a richer, less sweet flavour and helps me feel relaxed. For example, I sometimes have a small piece when I’m stressed during exams or when I need a quick pick-me-up.

提案: Answer clearly and complete the thought. Give two concise reasons and a brief example. Avoid repetitive words like "apart from this" and fix grammar (articles and word order). Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I think chocolate makes a good gift because it’s affordable and widely liked. For instance, giving a box of chocolates at a party is an easy way to show appreciation and usually makes people happy.

× I love to eat variety of chocolates in childhood but nowadays I am a little bit little bit health conscious person so that's why I avoid these type of packed food and packed material and now I replace my diet with the nutritious food.

✓ I loved to eat a variety of chocolates in my childhood, but nowadays I am a little health-conscious, so I avoid these types of packaged foods and now I have replaced them in my diet with nutritious food.

Errors: missing articles ('a variety', 'my childhood'), repetition ('little bit little bit'), incorrect noun forms ('these type' should be 'these types', 'packed food' -> 'packaged foods'), and tense/aspect (habit in past -> 'loved'; present change -> 'have replaced'). Suggestion: add appropriate articles, correct pluralization, fix repetition, use 'packaged' for prepared foods, and maintain consistent tense between past habit and present state.

× I chocolate on different occasions like such as in the birthday parties of my friends as well as when there is any festival.

✓ I eat chocolate on different occasions, such as at my friends' birthday parties and during festivals.

Errors: missing verb ('I chocolate' should be 'I eat chocolate'), unnecessary duplicative phrase ('like such as'), incorrect prepositions ('in the birthday parties' -> 'at ... parties'), and plurality/possessive for 'friends'. Suggestion: include the correct verb, remove redundancy, use correct prepositions, and mark possession for 'friends'.

× So my friends and my near and dear ones gifted me variety of chocolates.

✓ So my friends and my near and dear ones gifted me a variety of chocolates.

Error: missing article with 'variety' requires 'a variety of'. Suggestion: add the article 'a' before 'variety' and use past tense 'gifted' is acceptable.

× So in that time on that time I want to eat variety of chocolate.

✓ So at that time I wanted to eat a variety of chocolates.

Errors: incorrect tense ('want' should be past 'wanted' for past context), incorrect preposition ('in that time on that time' -> 'at that time'), missing article 'a' and plural 'chocolates'. Suggestion: use 'at that time' and match tense and number.

× In my childhood I ate variety of chocolates and apart from this I also enjoy one of my favorite chocolate like Dairy Milk Five star and it is a kind of food and kind of sweet which I like most in my child.

✓ In my childhood I ate a variety of chocolates, and I also enjoyed one of my favorite chocolates, like Dairy Milk and Five Star; they are kinds of sweets that I liked most as a child.

Errors: missing article ('a variety'), tense inconsistency ('enjoy' -> 'enjoyed'), incorrect product names spacing, awkward phrasing ('kind of food and kind of sweet'), and wrong time expression ('in my child' -> 'as a child'). Suggestion: maintain past tense for childhood actions, use 'a variety', pluralize 'chocolates', and use 'as a child'.

× In recent trends, chocolates are popular in all over the world due to variety of reasons.

✓ Recently, chocolates have become popular all over the world for a variety of reasons.

Errors: awkward phrase 'In recent trends', wrong word order 'in all over the world', missing article 'a variety of reasons', and tense/aspect improved to 'have become' to indicate recent change. Suggestion: use 'recently' and 'all over the world', add 'a' before 'variety', and use appropriate tense.

× First of all, chocolates are gifted by nearer and dear ones, uh in special occasions like in festivals and in birthday parties.

✓ First of all, chocolates are gifted by close friends and relatives on special occasions, such as festivals and birthday parties.

Errors: incorrect expression 'nearer and dear ones' (use 'close friends and relatives'), unnecessary filler 'uh', incorrect preposition 'in special occasions' -> 'on special occasions', and redundant 'in'. Suggestion: use natural collocations and correct prepositions.

× So that's why it becomes more popular.

✓ So that's why they become more popular.

Errors: pronoun-number mismatch ('it' -> 'they' because 'chocolates' is plural) and tense/choice 'becomes' -> 'become' to agree with plural. Suggestion: match subject and verb number.

× I love to eat dark chocolate because it is my favorite one due to variety of reasons.

✓ I love eating dark chocolate because it is my favorite for a variety of reasons.

Errors: awkward 'love to eat' ok but 'love eating' more natural, missing article 'a variety of reasons', and 'favorite one' -> 'favorite' more concise. Suggestion: add 'a' and prefer 'love eating' or 'I love to eat' consistently.

× First of all, when I am in a stress or due to exam stress, I want some therapy so that's why I ate chocolate.

✓ For example, when I am stressed, especially during exams, I want some comfort, so I eat chocolate.

Errors: tense inconsistency ('when I am in a stress' -> 'when I am stressed'), incorrect noun forms ('a stress'), wrong verb tense at end ('I ate' -> 'I eat' for habitual present), and awkward 'some therapy'. Suggestion: use 'am stressed' and present simple 'I eat' for habitual actions; use 'comfort' instead of 'therapy' in this context.

× Apart from this when I feel sleepy I ate dark.

✓ Apart from this, when I feel sleepy I eat dark chocolate.

Errors: tense ('ate' -> 'eat' for habitual present), missing noun 'chocolate' after 'dark', and missing comma after introductory phrase. Suggestion: use present simple for habitual actions and include the noun.

× Yes, definitely it is a kind of good gift because it is affordable and cheapest gift and apart from this people make happiest when we give some chocolates or some sweets and apart from this it also act as a.

✓ Yes, definitely it is a good gift because it is affordable and inexpensive, and people become happiest when we give them chocolates or sweets; it also serves as a thoughtful gesture.

Errors: awkward phrase 'a kind of good gift', comparative form misuse 'cheapest gift' (needs context), missing object 'make happiest' -> 'people become happy' or 'make people happy', tense/verb 'act as a' incomplete. Suggestion: use 'a good gift', 'inexpensive' or 'affordable', complete the sentence with a clear noun like 'thoughtful gesture', and correct verb forms.