Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid vague words like "interesting" and awkward phrasing (e.g., "crept through my mouth"). Use one or two supporting details with linking words. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I do. Chocolate quickly lifts my mood because of its sweet taste, and I enjoy the comforting texture when I eat it.

提案: Good direct answer and reason. Remove filler ("uh") and slightly refine wording to sound more natural and concise. Use linking phrase for cause-effect.

例: I eat chocolate about twice a week because I try to limit my sugar intake to reduce the risk of health problems like diabetes in the future.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and avoid vague endings like "and so on." Use past tense consistently and give a specific reason. Keep it concise (2–3 sentences).

例: Yes, I loved chocolate as a child. My parents limited me to once a week to protect my teeth and encourage healthier habits.

提案: Good points but avoid repetition and comparative phrasing that sounds awkward ("more favorable taste"). Use linking words for clarity and give one clear reason plus an example of convenience.

例: Because most people enjoy its sweet taste across cultures, chocolate appeals to a wide audience; moreover, individual packaging makes it a convenient snack to eat or share.

提案: Be concise and correct grammar ("that have" → "that is/are"). Give a clear preference sentence and one supporting reason with a linking phrase. Avoid redundant repetition.

例: My favorite is milk chocolate because I dislike bitter dark chocolate; adding milk makes the flavor creamier and sweeter.

提案: Avoid awkward phrasing ("the person you're adored", "sweetness covers"). Give a clear topic sentence and two concise reasons: variety of packaging and emotional appeal, using linking words. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, chocolate makes a great gift because it comes in many attractive packages, so you can choose something suitable, and its sweet taste often brings immediate pleasure to the recipient.

× I like to eat chocolate because I find chocolate interesting.

✓ I like eating chocolate because I find chocolate interesting.

After 'like', both 'to + verb' and 'verb + -ing' are possible, but 'like eating' is more natural when referring to a general preference for an activity. Use 'eating' to emphasize the activity itself.

× It can lift up our mood just by taking a bite of it, and I also like the sweetness that crept through my mouth whenever I eat that.

✓ It can lift our mood just by taking a bite, and I also like the sweetness that creeps through my mouth whenever I eat it.

Remove the particle 'up' after 'lift' because 'lift our mood' is the correct collocation. Use present simple 'creeps' for habitual action rather than past 'crept'. Replace 'that' with 'it' for natural reference and drop redundant 'of it'.

× I only eat chocolate twice a week because I limit my sugar intake.

✓ I only eat chocolate twice a week because I limit my sugar intake.

No grammatical change needed; sentence is correct. Present simple is appropriate for habitual actions. (Included for completeness.)

× I do not want to cause any, uh, problem in my health such as diabetes when I am older.

✓ I do not want to cause any problems for my health, such as diabetes, when I am older.

Use plural 'problems' with 'any' and the preposition 'for' (or 'to') with 'health'. Add commas around the example 'such as diabetes' and keep present phrasing about future risk.

× Yes, I really love chocolate.

✓ Yes, I really loved chocolate.

The question asks about habits 'when you were a kid', so use past simple 'loved' to match the past time reference.

× When I was a kid, however, my parents had to come up with a rule that I only allowed to eat chocolate once a week, therefore I wouldn't hurt my teeth and so on.

✓ When I was a kid, however, my parents made a rule that I was only allowed to eat chocolate once a week so I wouldn't hurt my teeth.

The structure 'I only allowed to eat' is ungrammatical; use passive 'I was only allowed to eat'. 'Had to come up with a rule' is wordy—'made a rule' is clearer. Replace 'therefore' with 'so' for natural causal link and remove 'and so on' which is vague.

× I think chocolate is more popular than many other treats because its sweet taste is quickly liked by people across different cultures.

✓ I think chocolate is more popular than many other treats because its sweet taste is liked quickly by people across different cultures.

Move 'quickly' after 'liked' for a more natural adverb placement. The pronoun use 'its' is acceptable and matches 'chocolate'.

× It has more favorable taste rather than any other flavors, and it also comes in small convenient packages so people can enjoy it as quick snack or share it easily.

✓ It has a more favorable taste than other flavors, and it also comes in small, convenient packages so people can enjoy it as a quick snack or share it easily.

Use comparative 'more favorable' with 'than' not 'rather than'. Add article 'a' before 'more favorable taste'. Use comma between coordinate adjectives 'small, convenient'. Add 'a' before 'quick snack' and 'other flavors' not 'any other flavors' for natural comparison.

× I like milk chocolate. I do not like the one that have bitterness to it, so I prefer something that has milk on it.

✓ I like milk chocolate. I do not like the ones that are bitter, so I prefer something that contains milk.

'The one that have' is incorrect: use plural 'ones that are' or singular 'one that is'. Use adjective 'bitter' rather than noun 'bitterness to it'. 'Contains milk' is natural phrasing instead of 'has milk on it'.

× So the taste of chocolate itself, the sweetness becoming more richer by adding some milk.

✓ So the taste of chocolate itself becomes richer by adding some milk.

This fragment lacks a finite verb—use 'becomes' to form a complete present simple sentence. 'More richer' is redundant; use 'richer' alone.

× Yes, of course, as I stated before, chocolate has come in so many packages, so it's easily for you to pick which one is better for your gift or the person you're adored.

✓ Yes, of course, as I stated before, chocolate comes in so many packages, so it's easy for you to pick which one is better for your gift or the person you adore.

Use simple present 'comes in' for general fact instead of present perfect 'has come in'. 'Easily' should be adjective 'easy' after 'it's'. 'You're adored' is wrong pronoun/voice—use 'you adore' to mean the person you like. Also 'which one is better for your gift' is slightly odd but preserved meaning.

× And I also like how chocolate is treated as some gift because it shares happiness through sweetness covers in one bite of chocolate.

✓ And I also like how chocolate is seen as a gift because it shares happiness through its sweetness in one bite.

Use 'seen as a gift' rather than 'treated as some gift'. 'Sweetness covers' is ungrammatical; use 'its sweetness in one bite'. This makes the sentence clear and natural.