Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify vocabulary and tighten structure. Replace incorrect word "harvest" with "hobby" and avoid redundancy. Give a clear topic sentence, then one or two concise supporting details using linking words (e.g., "because", "and"). Keep answer to under five sentences and include specific information (when, where, how often).

例: Yes, I have a hobby: I enjoy walking and I go for a walk three to four times a week because it helps me relieve stress and stay healthy. I usually walk in the nearby park in the evenings, and sometimes I do light jogging afterward.

提案: Organize into a clear topic sentence and concise supporting details. Correct grammar (e.g., "I didn't have many hobbies"), avoid repetition, and use linking words like "because" and "so" to show cause and effect. Be specific about the activities and timeframe to make the answer more vivid.

例: I didn't have many hobbies as a child because my parents were both full-time workers and I attended private academies after school. As a result, I spent most afternoons studying English, math and science, so I rarely had free time for hobbies.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence naming the hobby, avoid fillers ("uh"), and explain continuity with specific timing. Use linking words like "since" or "ever since" and give a brief example showing consistency.

例: Yes, I have had one hobby since childhood: walking. Ever since I was a child I would walk after school, and now I still walk after work most evenings to relax and maintain my routine.

提案: Use natural word order and correct articles and pronouns (e.g., "My mom and I share a hobby—walking"). Combine sentences to avoid repetition and add a specific detail (when, where, how often).

例: Yes, my mother and I share a hobby: walking. When I visit my home country we usually walk together after dinner, either around the park or near our apartment, which helps us talk and relax.

× I do have a harvest.

✓ I do have a hobby.

'Harvest' is a countable noun but does not fit the intended meaning. The student likely meant 'hobby' (singular). Use the correct singular noun to match the context.

× I love to go for a walk like I go to three to four times in a week because I can release my stress by walking.

✓ I love to go for a walk; I go three to four times a week because walking helps me relieve stress.

The original sentence has awkward phrasing and incorrect article use ('in a week'). Use 'three to four times a week' and change 'release my stress by walking' to the natural present participle/gerund structure 'walking helps me relieve stress.' This matches present habitual action.

× Also exercising to maintain good health.

✓ I also exercise to maintain good health.

The original fragment lacks a finite verb and subject. Convert the gerund phrase into a full sentence with subject 'I' and present simple verb 'exercise' to indicate habitual action.

× I didn't have much hobbies when I was younger because I was too busy.

✓ I didn't have many hobbies when I was younger because I was too busy.

Use 'many' with countable plural nouns ('hobbies'), not 'much.' The verb and tense are correct; only the quantifier needs changing.

× My mom and my dad, they were full time workers, so they just put me in the private Academy after school.

✓ My mom and dad were full-time workers, so they put me in a private academy after school.

Remove redundant pronoun 'they' and use hyphenated adjective 'full-time.' 'The private Academy' is too specific; use 'a private academy.' Also simplify 'my mom and my dad' to 'my mom and dad.'

× So after school I have to learn English, I have to go for mathematics, science.

✓ So after school I had to learn English and attend classes in mathematics and science.

The speaker is describing past routine; use past tense 'had to' and use 'attend classes in' for subjects. Also combine items with 'and' for clarity.

× To be honest, I didn't have much time.

✓ To be honest, I didn't have much time.

This sentence is correct after previous correction of 'much' usage. It correctly uses past tense to describe lack of time.

× I can say it's uh, working because from when I was younger to now I constantly go for a walk after school or after work, so I keep doing this.

✓ I can say it's walking, because from when I was younger until now I have consistently gone for a walk after school or after work, so I keep doing it.

Use the noun 'walking' to name the hobby. 'From when I was younger to now' should be 'from when I was younger until now.' For continuity up to present, use present perfect 'have consistently gone.' Replace vague 'this' with 'it.'

× Yes I and my mom have a same hobby which is walking.

✓ Yes, my mom and I share the same hobby: walking.

Pronoun order is 'my mom and I.' 'Share' is more natural than 'have.' Use 'the same' -> 'the same hobby' or 'share the same hobby.' Use colon for clarification. Also 'a same' is incorrect; use 'the same.'

× So when I visit my country after dinner, me and my mom we always go for a walk.

✓ So when I visit my country, my mom and I always go for a walk after dinner.

Pronoun order and subject redundancy: use 'my mom and I' as the subject and remove extra 'we.' Place 'after dinner' after the verb phrase for natural adverb placement.

× We stroll the park or just near our apartment.

✓ We stroll in the park or just near our apartment.

Use the preposition 'in' with 'stroll' for 'stroll in the park.' The original omitted 'in.' Alternatively 'stroll around the park' could be used.