Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your response more fluent and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words, correct grammar, and use linking words to add one or two specific details. Keep to fewer than five sentences.

例: Yes, I walk a lot. I usually walk to commute to work and to clear my mind, because walking is my favorite form of exercise. For example, I often stroll in the nearby park in the mornings or walk to the market to buy groceries.

提案: Respond with a direct topic sentence, reduce hesitations, improve grammar and sequencing with linking words, and give one specific memory or detail to make the answer vivid.

例: Yes, I often went for walks as a child. There was a big park near our house, and my friends and I would meet there to explore different plants and play all day; I especially remember climbing a large banyan tree behind the pond.

提案: Begin with a clear general statement, avoid repetition, and organize supporting reasons with linking words. Give specific reasons (relaxation, exercise, socializing) and a brief example.

例: People like to walk in parks because they offer space to relax and opportunities to socialize. For instance, parks provide peaceful paths for exercise and benches where locals can chat, so visitors can both enjoy nature and meet others.

提案: Give a clear, grammatically correct topic sentence naming the place, then add 1–2 specific reasons using linking words. Avoid unclear phrasing and irrelevant details about crowds unless explaining why that appeals to you.

例: I would like to take a long walk in Sundarbans National Park in Bangladesh because it has extensive trails and interesting wildlife. For example, I would enjoy walking around the central pond to see ducks and other birds while enjoying the peaceful scenery.

提案: Answer with a clear past-tense topic sentence, remove hesitations, correct grammar and use linking words to give two precise descriptive details about the location and how you felt.

例: I went for a walk in Paris recently. I walked along a long pathway that had a cycling lane running alongside it, and tall trees lined the route, which made the walk very pleasant and shaded.

× walking is my favorite exercise so tells me clear my mind.

✓ Walking is my favorite exercise because it helps me clear my mind.

Incorrect verb form and missing subject: 'tells me clear my mind' is ungrammatical. Use 'helps me clear my mind' where 'helps' is a correct verb and 'clear' is the bare infinitive after 'help'. Also add a conjunction 'because' to link clauses logically.

× So I'll usually take a stroll outside my house in the park or go to walk to the market to get some grocery shopping.

✓ I usually take a stroll in the park near my house or walk to the market to do some grocery shopping.

Awkward word order and redundant phrasing: 'go to walk to the market' is incorrect. Use 'walk to the market' and 'do some grocery shopping' is the natural collocation. Place time/place expressions ('in the park near my house') in a clear position.

× Did you often go outside to have a walk when you were a child?

✓ Did you often go outside for a walk when you were a child?

Preposition choice: 'go outside for a walk' is the idiomatic expression in English. The past tense auxiliary 'did' is correct, so change only the preposition.

× We had a big park near the house. So uh, all my friends all together up near my house and go out to have a walk in the park and see the beauty of the nature, see the different plants in the park and play all day.

✓ We had a big park near the house. All my friends used to gather near my house and we would walk in the park to enjoy the beauty of nature, look at the different plants, and play all day.

Multiple issues: tense consistency and awkward phrasing. Use 'used to gather' or 'would gather' for habitual past. 'See the beauty of the nature' should be 'enjoy the beauty of nature' (no definite article). Use parallel verb forms 'enjoy, look, and play'.

× Because it's large and, uh, it's, it's crowded and some people like to be in the crowded, crowded environment.

✓ Because parks are large and often crowded, and some people enjoy being in a busy environment.

Repetition and article/noun agreement: 'it's, it's crowded' is informal and repetitive. Use plural 'parks are' to generalize and 'busy environment' is more natural than 'crowded, crowded environment'. Adjust sentence structure for clarity.

× They meet other people, they meet the locals. There are different things to explore in the park.

✓ People meet others and locals, and there are many things to explore in the park.

Repetition and parallelism: combine sentences for conciseness and use 'many things' instead of 'different things' for naturalness.

× Old how developed to explore the National Park in Bangladesh.

✓ I would like to visit and explore the Sundarbans National Park in Bangladesh.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear. Provide a clear modal construction 'would like to' and a proper noun for a known national park (example: Sundarbans). 'Visit and explore' are natural collocations.

× It's a very large park with a pond in the middle and there are ducks in the pond and it's a huge gathering of people, so I would love to take a walk in there.

✓ It's a very large park with a pond in the middle where ducks swim, and many people gather there, so I would love to take a walk there.

Avoid redundancy and incorrect phrase 'it's a huge gathering of people'. Use 'many people gather there' or 'it attracts large crowds'. 'Take a walk there' is the correct prepositional phrase.

× Where did you go for a walk lately?

✓ Where did you go for a walk recently?

Adverb choice: 'lately' is acceptable but 'recently' is more natural in questions with 'did'. Both can be used, but 'recently' is clearer. No tense change needed.

× I went for a walk in Paris lately.

✓ I went for a walk in Paris recently.

Adverb choice as above: use 'recently' instead of 'lately' for clarity in this context.

× It's a long pathway, uh, with a S uh, cycling lane running parallel of the pathway.

✓ There's a long pathway with a cycling lane running parallel to it.

Use 'parallel to' rather than 'parallel of'. Also 'running parallel to it' avoids repeating 'pathway' awkwardly. Use 'there's' or 'it's' consistently.

× It was very pleasant to walk. There are trees which was over there.

✓ It was very pleasant to walk. There were trees over there.

Subject-verb agreement and tense consistency: 'trees' is plural so use 'were' not 'was'. Keep past tense 'was'/'were' consistent with the context.