Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: พยายามลดการมีเสียงว่าง (uh) และจัดโครงสร้างคำตอบให้กระชับมากขึ้น เริ่มด้วยประโยคหลักตอบตรงคำถามแล้วตามด้วยเหตุผลและแผนการอนาคตโดยใช้คำเชื่อม เช่น "because" หรือ "so" เพื่อความลื่นไหล ตัวอย่างเช่น แบ่งเป็น 2-3 ประโยค ไม่เกิน 5 ประโยค และใช้คำศัพท์ที่หลากหลายเช่น "full-time" และ "improve my health" ให้ถูกตำแหน่ง

例: No, I don't walk a lot because I work full-time in front of a computer. However, I know walking is important for my health, so I plan to walk for 30 minutes each evening to improve my fitness.

提案: ลดการพูดซ้ำและคำเติมเสียง (uh) และปรับให้ประโยคเป็นอดีตกาลที่ชัดเจน เริ่มด้วยประโยคตรง ๆ ว่าคุณมักจะทำอะไรในวัยเด็ก แล้วให้รายละเอียดเฉพาะ เช่น กีฬาที่เล่นและความถี่ ใช้คำเชื่อมเช่น "for example" หรือ "such as" เพื่อความชัดเจน

例: Yes, I often went outside as a child. For example, I usually played volleyball and basketball with my friends almost every weekend, so I spent a lot of time outdoors.

提案: ตอบให้กระชับและหลีกเลี่ยงความซ้ำซ้อน เช่น "popped up" และ "allows" ซ้ำหลายครั้ง ให้ยกเหตุผลเฉพาะเจาะจงและใช้คำเชื่อม (e.g., "firstly", "also") เพิ่มคำศัพท์ที่เกี่ยวข้องกับความรู้สึกเช่น "relax", "fresh air" เพื่อทำให้คำตอบมีมิติ

例: People like walking in parks for several reasons. Firstly, parks offer fresh air and a peaceful environment that helps people relax. Also, parks have safe, pleasant paths and greenery which make walking enjoyable.

提案: ลดการทำซ้ำของวลี (เช่น "I'm personally" และ "near") และแบ่งประโยคให้ชัดเจน ตอบตรงคำถามแล้วให้เหตุผลสั้น ๆ และเพิ่มรายละเอียดเฉพาะ เช่น บรรยากาศหรือสิ่งอำนวยความสะดวกของสถานที่ ใช้คำเชื่อมเช่น "because" หรือ "because it's"

例: I'm not very into long exercise, but if I had the chance I would choose Lumpini Park. It's close to my home and has wide walking paths and a pleasant atmosphere, which would make a long walk enjoyable.

提案: ตอบให้ชัดเจนและใช้ไวยากรณ์อดีตกาลอย่างถูกต้อง หลีกเลี่ยงการพูดติดอ่าง (umm, frankly) มากเกินไป ระบุเวลาที่แน่นอนกว่าเช่น "a year ago" หรือ "six months ago" และอธิบายสั้น ๆ ว่าทำไมถึงจำได้ เช่น บรรยากาศหรือสิ่งที่ทำที่นั่น

例: To be honest, I haven't gone for a walk recently. The last time I remember walking was about six months ago in Benjakitti Park in central Bangkok, where I enjoyed the lake view and the jogging track.

× No, I don't, as I'm a full time worker who spent most of my day in front of the computer.

✓ No, I don't, as I'm a full-time worker who spends most of my day in front of the computer.

The verb tense should match the habitual present action. 'Spent' is past tense but the sentence describes a current routine; use 'spends' for third person singular subject 'who' referring to 'I' as 'I am a full-time worker who spends...' Alternatively, change structure to 'I spend' to avoid confusion. Also add a hyphen in 'full-time'. Suggestion: use present simple for routines: 'I spend most of my day...'.

× However, I noticed walking is quite crucial to boost my physical health, so I'm trying to walk uh, more in the future, uh.

✓ However, I have noticed that walking is quite crucial to boost my physical health, so I'm trying to walk more in the future.

'Noticed' can be present perfect 'have noticed' to link past observation to present state. Add 'that' after 'noticed' for clarity. Remove filler words. Use 'walk more in the future' as planned action; present progressive 'I'm trying' is acceptable. Suggestion: use 'I have noticed that walking is important, so I'm trying to walk more.'

× Of course, yes, when I was a kid, I usually spend uh, my time doing outdoor activities, whether it is playing volleyball, basketball with my friends, with uh, just basically requires you to take, just basically required to take a walk during, uh, quite a lot.

✓ Of course. When I was a kid, I usually spent my time doing outdoor activities, such as playing volleyball and basketball with my friends; those activities often required a lot of walking.

When describing past habitual actions, use past simple 'spent' not 'spend'. Use past tense 'required' to match. Clean up redundant fillers and clarify meaning: 'whether it is' should be 'such as' for examples. Combine and simplify clauses. Suggestion: use past simple for childhood habits and avoid repetitions.

× I suppose that there might be several reason, but the first one that popped up pops up in my mind is the public park allows people to walk.

✓ I suppose that there might be several reasons, but the first thing that comes to mind is that public parks allow people to walk.

'Reason' should be plural 'reasons' after 'several'. Use 'the first thing that comes to mind' for idiomatic expression, and 'that public parks allow' for a complete clause. Use plural 'parks' if referring generally. Suggestion: match quantifier and use idiomatic phrasing.

× Not only allow people to walk but also allows them to get their themselves immersed in the nature while being able to breathe.

✓ Not only do they allow people to walk, but they also allow them to immerse themselves in nature and breathe fresh air.

Subject-verb structure needed: 'Not only do they allow' uses auxiliary 'do' for correct inversion. 'Their themselves' is incorrect; use 'themselves'. 'In the nature' should be 'in nature'. Simplify and use parallel structure 'allow... but also allow...'. Suggestion: ensure pronouns and reflexive pronouns are correct and maintain parallel verb forms.

× Well even though I'm personally I'm personally not really into doing any exercise or take a long while but if I were to choose one it would be in the public park especially in Lumpini park pretty near from here because it is just near to my place it's located near.

✓ Well, even though I'm personally not really into doing any exercise or taking long walks, if I were to choose one it would be in a public park, especially Lumpini Park, which is pretty near here because it's close to my place.

Maintain verb forms in parallel: 'doing any exercise or taking long walks' uses gerund for both. Remove duplicate phrase 'I'm personally'. Use conditional 'if I were to choose' correctly. 'Pretty near from here' is incorrect; use 'pretty near here' or 'close to my place'. Capitalize proper noun 'Lumpini Park'. Suggestion: keep parallel gerunds and concise location phrases.

× Umm frankly speaking, I didn't go to take any walk umm in the reason in the reason in in lately, but I could remember that 1/2 years ago I went to this one Ben Zakir Benzakir Park which is located in the center of Bangkok.

✓ Frankly speaking, I haven't gone for a walk recently, but I remember that one or two years ago I went to Benzakir Park, which is located in the center of Bangkok.

Use present perfect 'haven't gone' to indicate a recent period up to now. 'Didn't go to take any walk... lately' is ungrammatical. Express time span as 'one or two years ago' instead of '1/2 years ago'. Use 'went to' for past completed action. Simplify park name to 'Benzakir Park' and punctuation. Suggestion: use present perfect for recent experiences and clear numeric expressions.