Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh), correct timing phrase, and use one or two supporting details with a linking word. Keep to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I walk regularly because it helps me stay active. For example, I usually walk for 30 minutes after work every afternoon, which helps me relax and get some exercise.

提案: Improve grammar and clarity. Give a clear past-time statement, explain reason with specific details and use linking words (because, so). Avoid tense errors and filler sounds.

例: Not really. When I was a child I rarely walked outside because my neighborhood was not very safe. As a result, I only went out for walks when my parents could supervise me, but they were often busy.

提案: Make the answer natural and grammatical. Start with a direct reason, then give specific supporting points with linking words (for example, because). Replace vague phrases (get good oxygen) with clearer expressions.

例: Because parks are safe and pleasant places to walk. For example, there are fewer vehicles, cleaner air thanks to the trees, and a calm atmosphere that makes walking more enjoyable.

提案: Finish your ideas and avoid hesitation. Give a clear topic sentence, then add specific reasons and a short example. Use linking words like because or so.

例: I would choose the park near my house because it is calm and peaceful. Many people exercise there, so the atmosphere motivates me to walk longer and do more stretches or light jogging.

提案: Be precise and grammatical. State the place clearly, give a specific reason, and link ideas with short connectors (because, so). Remove unnecessary repetition and fillers.

例: Recently I walked to the nearby supermarket, which is only 15 minutes from my house. I went there to buy basic groceries, and because it was so close I chose to walk instead of taking a car.

× Yes, of course it helps me to stay active.

✓ Yes, of course, it helps me to stay active.

Comma was missing after introductory phrase 'Yes, of course'. This is punctuation, but the sentence's tense is correct. Keep present simple 'helps' because it's a general truth about walking's effect.

× I do it regularly.

✓ I do it regularly.

Sentence is grammatically correct; present simple is appropriate for habitual actions. No change needed.

× For example, if uh, every day, afternoon in afternoon, I do it, uh, after work.

✓ For example, every afternoon I do it after work.

The original had redundant and incorrect prepositions and word order. Use 'every afternoon' to indicate frequency and place adverbial phrase before 'I do it'. Remove filler 'if' and repeated words.

× When I was child, uh, to be honest, no.

✓ When I was a child, to be honest, no.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'child'. Use past tense 'was' correctly; adding 'a' fixes the noun phrase.

× It because in my neighborhood it's not a safety for children to walk.

✓ It's because my neighborhood is not safe for children to walk.

Original had incorrect word order and incorrect noun 'safety'. Use 'It's because' + clause, and adjective 'safe' instead of noun 'safety' to describe the neighborhood.

× Uh, I usually work if my parents supervise me.

✓ I usually went out only if my parents supervised me.

Context asks about childhood (past). Use past tense 'went out' and 'supervised'. 'Usually work' is inappropriate; 'went out' fits walking context.

× However at the time they are, they were very busy so I rarely do it.

✓ However, at that time they were very busy, so I rarely did it.

Mixed tenses: 'are' is present and should be 'were' to match past context; 'do' should be 'did'. Also add comma and 'that' for clarity.

× I think it could be it would be the park is is the safe place for them.

✓ I think the park would be a safe place for them.

Remove redundant modals 'could' and 'would' used together and fix word order. Use article 'a' before 'safe place' and avoid repeating 'is'.

× There is no vehicle and less pollution because there are so many trees which help them to get good oxygen.

✓ There are no vehicles and less pollution because there are many trees that help provide clean oxygen.

Use plural 'vehicles' after 'no'. 'So many' is informal; 'many' is fine. 'Which' can be 'that' in defining clause. 'Get good oxygen' is awkward; use 'provide clean oxygen'.

× If I had the chance, I would like to walk in the park near my house.

✓ If I had the chance, I would like to walk in the park near my house.

Sentence is correct: second conditional used properly to express hypothetical preference; no change needed.

× It's quite, uh, calm and peaceful.

✓ It's quite calm and peaceful.

Remove filler 'uh'. Adjectives 'calm and peaceful' correctly describe the park; punctuation adjusted.

× Many people do some exercise and I think that the atmosphere is support me to do exercise such as.

✓ Many people exercise, and I think the atmosphere encourages me to exercise as well.

Original had incorrect verb forms and structure. Use 'exercise' (verb) instead of 'do some exercise' for conciseness; 'is support me' is incorrect—use 'encourages me to'. Finish idea 'as well'.

× Uh, it is in the supermarket, the located is near my house, only 15 minutes.

✓ I went to the supermarket, which is located near my house, only 15 minutes away.

Original misused 'it is' and 'the located'. Use relative clause 'which is located' and add 'away' to indicate distance/time from home.

× So I, uh, went there for by my, uh, basic needs and because of the location is near my house, so I decided to walk there.

✓ So I went there to buy my basic needs, and because the location is near my house, I decided to walk there.

Use 'to buy' (infinitive) instead of 'for by'. Remove extra 'so'. Change 'because of the location is' to 'because the location is' or 'because it is near my house' for correct clause structure.