Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify meaning, correct grammar and shorten sentences. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one supporting detail using linking words. Replace unclear phrase "heartache schedule" with "hectic schedule" and fix verbs and articles.

例: Not really. I have a hectic schedule, so I usually drive because it is more convenient. However, on weekends I try to walk more to stay active and relax.

提案: Give a clear direct answer, use past tense consistently, and provide specific reasons with linking words. Avoid repetition and correct vocabulary (e.g. 'work' → 'went out').

例: No, I rarely went out for walks as a child because my neighborhood was quite unsafe. Also, my parents were often busy, so I only went out when they supervised me.

提案: Begin with a direct statement, then give two concise specific reasons using linking words like 'because' or 'and'. Use correct noun forms and collocations (e.g. 'a good place to relax', 'enjoy the scenery').

例: People like to walk in parks because they are peaceful and full of greenery. For example, they can enjoy trees and flowers, breathe fresh air, and relax away from traffic.

提案: Answer directly, use conditional correctly and keep sentences compact. Be specific about what you would do and what you would experience; fix collocations (e.g. 'walk on the beach', 'see the blue water and white sand', 'hear the sound of waves').

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk on the beach because it is very tranquil. I would enjoy the fresh air, see the blue water and white sand, and listen to the sound of the waves.

提案: Use past tense for 'lately' and give a clear concise answer. Remove fillers and correct grammar: 'I walked to the supermarket near my house. It takes 15 minutes on foot' and explain reason briefly and precisely.

例: Lately I walked to the supermarket near my house. It takes about 15 minutes on foot, and I went to buy some groceries because it was more convenient than driving.

× Not really because I have a heartache schedule so I tend to use my own car it more convenient.

✓ Not really because I have a hectic schedule, so I tend to use my own car; it is more convenient.

The original contains article and word choice errors: 'a heartache schedule' is incorrect — 'a hectic schedule' is the intended phrase (article 'a' + adjective + noun). Also 'it more convenient' is missing the verb 'is'. Suggest using a comma and semicolon to separate clauses for clarity. Use 'hectic' instead of 'heartache.'

× However, on the weekend I try to walk a lot because it helps me to stay active.

✓ However, on the weekend I try to walk a lot because it helps me stay active.

Verb form 'helps me to stay' is acceptable but more natural is 'helps me stay' — remove unnecessary 'to'. This is a present tense usage improvement for natural fluency.

× When I was a child I think no because I live in the neighborhood that it is.

✓ When I was a child, I think not, because I lived in a neighborhood that was unsafe.

Tense inconsistency: speaker refers to past ('When I was a child') so verbs should be past: 'lived' not 'live'. Also 'that it is' is ungrammatical — use 'that was unsafe' or 'which was unsafe'. 'I think no' is awkward; 'I think not' or 'probably not' is better.

× It was unsafe.

✓ It was unsafe.

This sentence is correct as written; no change needed. Included to show agreement with previous correction context.

× I only work if my parents supervise me and at the time my parents busy was busy so I rarely.

✓ I only went out if my parents supervised me, and at that time my parents were busy, so I rarely did.

Multiple issues: tense and agreement. Use past tense 'went out' and 'supervised' to match 'When I was a child.' 'My parents busy was busy' is ungrammatical — use 'my parents were busy.' End the clause with 'so I rarely did' (did = went out). This fixes sentence structure and verb forms.

× I think that because park it is the good place for them to relaxing.

✓ I think that the park is a good place for them to relax.

Problems: word order and article use: 'park it is' should be 'the park is'. Use article 'a' before 'good place'. 'to relaxing' should be the base verb after 'to': 'to relax.' This corrects adjectives/articles and verb form.

× They can see a lot of trees and also flowers so they can enjoy and it helps.

✓ They can see many trees and flowers, so they can enjoy the scenery and it helps them.

Use 'many' for countable plural 'trees'. 'Also flowers' is awkward — combine with 'and flowers'. 'Enjoy' needs an object: 'enjoy the scenery' or 'enjoy themselves.' 'It helps' should specify whom it helps: 'it helps them.' This fixes preposition/phrase and clarity.

× If I had chance, I would like to walk in the beach because it is a tranquil place.

✓ If I had the chance, I would like to walk on the beach because it is a tranquil place.

Conditional phrasing: add article 'the' before 'chance'. Use preposition 'on the beach' not 'in the beach.' This corrects articles and preposition choice consistent with conditional modal 'would'.

× I can see the undertaking, a few, enjoy the get the fresh air, see the blue water, white sand and I can hear the sound of.

✓ I can see the surroundings, enjoy getting the fresh air, see the blue water and white sand, and hear the sound of the waves.

Original is a fragmented list with incorrect word choices and forms: 'undertaking, a few' is meaningless — use 'surroundings.' 'Enjoy the get the fresh air' mixes forms; use 'enjoy getting the fresh air.' 'Hear the sound of' needs an object: 'the sound of the waves.' This fixes participle usage and completes nouns.

× It is in the supermarket, uh, close to my house.

✓ It was at the supermarket near my house.

Tense and preposition: question asked 'Where did you go for a walk lately?' expects past tense 'was' not 'is.' Use 'at the supermarket' or 'in' depending on meaning; 'at' is natural. 'Close to my house' -> 'near my house.' This corrects sentence structure and tense.

× It's only takes 15 minutes to walk there.

✓ It only takes 15 minutes to walk there.

Remove the auxiliary 'is' before 'takes' — 'it takes' is the correct present simple construction. This fixes verb phrase redundancy.

× I go there for buy, uh, some groceries because it is more convenient and uh, complete so I didn't have to go.

✓ I went there to buy some groceries because it is more convenient and more complete, so I didn't have to go elsewhere.

Mix of tenses and word choices: question asked in past, so use 'went' and 'to buy' (not 'for buy'). 'More complete' is odd but likely means 'it has everything' — keep 'more complete' or use 'it has more items' and clarify 'so I didn't have to go elsewhere.' This corrects infinitive use, tense, and sentence completeness.