Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, um), correct nouns and numbers, and provide one specific detail. Use linking words if adding details.

例: Yes. There are many tall buildings near my home because I live in the city centre. For example, the tallest one is the Diwang Tower, which has over 100 floors, and it dominates the skyline near my apartment.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence, eliminate hesitations, and give a specific reason or example. Use linking words (for example, because) and keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Definitely. I'm passionate about photography, and I often take photos of buildings at night because the lights look dramatic. For example, I frequently photograph the city centre skyline when the illuminated facades create interesting reflections.

提案: Answer directly and clearly. Name the building correctly, explain why you would like to visit (or visit often) with one supporting detail, and avoid repetition and fillers.

例: Yes. I would like to visit the Devon Tower because my mother works there, so I often go to the building to see her and explore the offices. The tower has an observation floor that I want to visit for the view.

提案: Make one clear statement and support it with specific reasons. Use correct grammar (e.g., 'helps my photography', 'higher floors'), use linking words (because, also), and avoid fillers.

例: Yes, I do. Living in a tall building would help my photography because higher floors offer better city views, especially at night. Also, higher floors are often less noisy and feel cleaner in terms of air quality.

× Yeah, there are many tall buildings near my home because my home in the, uh, central office of city, uh, the most tall building is.

✓ Yes, there are many tall buildings near my home because my home is in the city center, and the tallest building is nearby.

The sentence had missing articles and incorrect word order. 'the central office of city' is unnatural; use 'the city center'. 'the most tall building' is incorrect; use the superlative form 'the tallest building'. Also add the verb 'is' after 'my home' for completeness.

× Uh uh diwang, which have over 100. Flowers. And.

✓ Uh, Diwang, which has over 100 floors.

Subject-verb agreement and wrong word choice: 'Diwang' (singular) takes singular verb 'has' not 'have'. 'Flowers' is a mispronunciation/confusion; context requires 'floors'. Remove sentence fragments and combine into one coherent sentence.

× Definitely. I'm a photography, uh, lover.

✓ Definitely. I'm a photography lover.

Unnecessary comma and filler words break the phrase. 'Photography lover' is acceptable but more natural would be 'I love photography' or 'I'm a photography enthusiast'. The correction keeps grammar intact and concise.

× And uh, I usually, uh, to take uh, photos of buildings at night.

✓ And I usually take photos of buildings at night.

After 'usually' use the base form of the verb 'take', not the infinitive 'to take'. Remove fillers and extra commas for natural flow.

× I used to take many photos. About City Central, uh, buildings.

✓ I used to take many photos of the city center buildings.

Fragmented sentence: combine into one. 'About' is incorrect here; use 'of' to indicate the object of the photos. Tense 'used to' is correct for past habitual action.

× It's very beautiful.

✓ They are very beautiful.

Pronoun reference: 'It' refers to 'buildings' (plural), so use 'They are' instead of 'It is'. Ensure agreement in number between subject and pronoun.

× Uh, yes it is. Umm. In fact, I usually visit, uh, Devon Tower I.

✓ Yes. In fact, I usually visit Devon Tower.

Remove fillers and the unnecessary 'it is'. 'Devon Tower I' seems incorrect numbering; use 'Devon Tower' unless there is a specific 'Tower 1'. Keep sentence concise.

× I mention, uh, previous I, which is, uh, is my mom's, uh, work topic.

✓ I mentioned it previously; it is related to my mother's workplace.

Tense and pronoun errors: use past tense 'mentioned' for a prior reference, and replace unclear 'previous I' with 'previously' or 'it previously'. 'my mom's work topic' is unnatural; clarified as 'related to my mother's workplace'.

× Uh, so I usually, uh, go to it.

✓ So I usually go there.

Use 'go there' rather than 'go to it' for natural spoken English. Remove fillers and extra commas.

× Uh, yes I do. Uh, living in a tall building helps me Photography.

✓ Yes, I do. Living in a tall building helps my photography.

'Photography' should be a noun modified by 'my' to show possession. 'helps me photography' is incorrect structure; use 'helps my photography' or 'helps me with photography'.

× Convenient, more convenient.

✓ It is more convenient.

Fragmented comparative phrase. Use a full clause 'It is more convenient' to compare living in a tall building with alternatives.

× And uh. And air is more, uh, clean in the tall floor floors.

✓ Also, the air is cleaner on the higher floors.

Adjective order and comparative form: 'more clean' should be 'cleaner'. 'tall floor floors' is redundant and incorrect; use 'higher floors' or 'upper floors'. Reword for clarity and correctness.