Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific details. Avoid repetition and long location phrases. Use linking words like “so” or “therefore” for coherence.

例: No, there aren’t tall buildings near my home. I live in Tonsil Sharif, a small town south of Multan, so the architecture is mostly low-rise shops and small malls rather than modern high-rises.

提案: Give a direct answer first, then briefly explain with one clear reason and an example. Avoid repeating words like “creative” and long comparative clauses.

例: Not really — I prefer videography to photography. For example, I often film city scenes from unusual angles to tell a story, because video lets me combine motion and sound to express ideas more clearly than a single photo.

提案: Be specific and avoid rambling. State the building clearly, then give one or two concise reasons with linking words. Remove irrelevant details like unrelated TV shows unless directly connected.

例: Yes — I would love to visit Edinburgh University in Scotland. Its historic Gothic architecture reminds me of Hogwarts, so I want to see the old quads and libraries in person because I enjoy atmospheric, historic campuses.

提案: Answer directly, then support with one clear, specific reason and an example. Avoid filler words like “uh” and capitalizing mid-sentence. Mention practical details about space or lifestyle.

例: No, I wouldn’t like to live in a tall building. I prefer ground-floor or low-rise homes because they offer larger outdoor or indoor spaces for hobbies — for example, I need space to practice badminton and cricket with friends.

× No, because the place where I belong to is a very compact city.

✓ No, because the place I belong to is a very compact city.

The phrase 'where I belong to' is an incorrect relative clause with an unnecessary preposition at the end; this creates a sentence structure error. Use 'the place I belong to' or better 'the place I belong' is less idiomatic; 'the place I belong to' is acceptable but here 'the place where I belong' or 'the place I belong to' are alternatives. Removing 'where' and keeping 'to' after 'belong' yields 'the place I belong to', which is clearer and fixes the structure.

× It's called Tonsil Sharif and it is located in the South of Multan and it does not have contemporary architecture and not the tall buildings.

✓ It's called Tonsil Sharif and it is located in the south of Multan; it does not have contemporary architecture or tall buildings.

Using 'the South of Multan' is unnecessary; 'south' as a direction does not need the definite article here. Also, 'and not the tall buildings' is ungrammatical; use 'or tall buildings' to connect negative alternatives. The sentence was also run-on; adding a semicolon or splitting into two clauses improves clarity.

× It only has the low rise shops and the malls.

✓ It only has low-rise shops and malls.

The phrase 'the low rise shops and the malls' incorrectly overuses definite articles and separates words that should be hyphenated: 'low-rise'. Also plural 'malls' without 'the' is more natural. Removing unnecessary articles and hyphenating 'low-rise' corrects the singular/plural and form.

× Not really because I'm not very into photography, but yes, I'm very fond of videography.

✓ Not really, because I'm not very into photography; however, I am very fond of videography.

This sentence is mostly correct grammatically, but needs smoother connectors. 'Not really because' runs clauses together; adding a comma and using 'however' improves flow. The original did not violate the listed rules but benefit from improved conjunction use (type 16) and punctuation.

× I do shoot videos because I love to show my creativity through creative and different angles and I think videos are a more natural way to convey your message, which the pictures are not able to.

✓ I shoot videos because I love to show my creativity through different angles, and I think videos are a more natural way to convey a message, which pictures are not able to do.

The clause 'which the pictures are not able to' is missing a verb (do) and uses 'the pictures' and 'your message' inconsistently; replace with 'pictures' and 'a message' for generality. Also avoid redundant 'creative and different angles'—'different angles' suffices. This fixes pronoun/reference and verb omission issues (types 12 and 23).

× Yes, actually my favorite place is Edinburgh, Scotland and I really want to visit the Edinburgh Monument, the Edinburgh University in particular, because I really like that non modern vibe and I it just gives Harry Potter and Hogwarts vibe out there and I'm very fond into these things and I just got into these things after watching the Game of Thrones.

✓ Yes. Actually, my favorite place to visit is Edinburgh, Scotland, and I really want to see the Edinburgh Monument and especially the University of Edinburgh, because I like that non-modern vibe; it gives off Harry Potter and Hogwarts vibes, and I'm very into these things. I became interested in them after watching Game of Thrones.

Multiple issues: 'the Edinburgh University' should be 'the University of Edinburgh' (word order), 'non modern' needs a hyphen 'non-modern', 'gives Harry Potter and Hogwarts vibe' needs 'gives off ... vibes' and plural 'vibes'. 'I'm very fond into' is incorrect preposition use—use 'into' without 'fond' or 'fond of'; use 'I'm very into'. 'I it just gives' has an extra pronoun 'it'. 'I just got into these things after watching the Game of Thrones' should be 'I became interested ... after watching Game of Thrones' and 'the' before series is unnecessary. Corrections address adjective/adverb, preposition, word order, and tense issues (types 13,11,18).

× I it just gives Harry Potter and Hogwarts vibe out there and I'm very fond into these things and I just got into these things after watching the Game of Thrones.

✓ It just gives off Harry Potter and Hogwarts vibes, and I'm very into these things; I got into them after watching Game of Thrones.

The original contains an extra pronoun 'I' before 'it' and lacks verb agreement with singular/plural 'vibes'. 'Gives off ... vibes' requires the verb 'gives' (3rd person singular) with 'it' as subject, which is satisfied in correction. Also 'fond into' is corrected to 'into' and article 'the' removed before the TV series title. This addresses third person singular misuse as well as pronoun errors (types 2 and 12).

× No, I don't really prefer tall buildings, particularly for the residency purposes because these are very compact and I am very fond of spacious and vast spaces because, uh, it just gives me a Peace of Mind when I have huge spaces available to carry out my hobbies such as playing badminton or cricket.

✓ No, I don't really prefer tall buildings, particularly for residential purposes, because they are very compact, and I prefer spacious, open areas; they give me peace of mind when I have large spaces to carry out hobbies such as playing badminton or cricket.

'Residency purposes' is incorrect; use 'residential purposes'. 'These are very compact' should refer to 'they'. 'Spacious and vast spaces' is redundant—use 'spacious, open areas' or 'large spaces'. 'Peace of Mind' should not be capitalized. The sentence had article and word-choice issues; corrections improve article use and word order (types 17 and 26).