Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition and filler words (e.g., "uh"). Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Keep the response under five sentences.

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy observing the local landscapes. For example, seeing farmland or historic buildings helps me learn about the area, and it relaxes me during long journeys.

提案: Clarify the purpose and avoid repetition. Use linking words to explain reasons and keep sentences grammatically correct. Limit to a clear topic sentence and one specific supporting detail.

例: Yes, I often take photos from the car window to keep memories of my trips. For instance, I photograph unusual buildings or landscapes so I can show my family later and remember where we visited.

提案: Give a direct reason, then support with two clear, specific details. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g., "health stations", "off road by the various provinces") and use appropriate vocabulary relevant to scenery and culture.

例: I prefer the mountains because I enjoy the fresh air and peaceful atmosphere. For example, I like listening to birdsong on hiking trails and trying regional mountain dishes at small village restaurants.

× Yes, I often look out the window and the scenery while traveling in a bus or a car.

✓ Yes, I often look out of the window at the scenery while traveling by bus or car.

Use of present participle not the issue here but sentence had incorrect preposition and redundancy. Correct preposition is 'look out of the window at the scenery'. Use 'by bus or car' not 'in a bus or a car' for general travel. Remove extra article to sound natural.

× It reminds me of the beautiful scenic environment and the beauty of the place wherever I'm traveling.

✓ It reminds me of the beautiful scenery wherever I travel.

Original sentence is wordy and uses awkward structure. 'Scenic environment and the beauty of the place' is redundant; replace with 'scenery'. Use simple present 'I travel' for habitual action rather than 'I'm traveling' which suggests ongoing action.

× Also, it uh, gives me immense satisfaction and pleasure to while traveling.

✓ Also, it gives me immense satisfaction and pleasure while traveling.

There is an extraneous 'to' that breaks sentence structure. Remove filler 'uh' in formal response and delete 'to' so the gerund phrase 'while traveling' correctly modifies 'gives'.

× Yes, I like to take photos of the scenery outside the car window as a memory and my cell phone whenever I wish to see.

✓ Yes, I like to take photos of the scenery outside the car window as a memento on my cell phone so I can see them later.

Original sentence is unclear and ungrammatical. 'As a memory and my cell phone whenever I wish to see' is incorrect ordering and missing connectors. Use 'as a memento on my cell phone' and 'so I can see them later' for clarity.

× Moreover, it keeps me it it keeps me posted about the different things I did and passed with my friends or family members while traveling to these places.

✓ Moreover, it keeps me posted about the different things I did and experienced with my friends or family while traveling to these places.

Sentence contains repetition 'it keeps me it it keeps me' and wrong verb 'passed'. Remove duplicate phrase and replace 'passed' with 'experienced' which correctly describes activities or events encountered during travel. 'Family members' can be shortened to 'family' for natural speech.

× I prefer mountains over sea.

✓ I prefer the mountains to the sea.

When comparing two things with 'prefer,' use 'prefer X to Y' and include definite articles with general nouns: 'the mountains' and 'the sea'.

× This is because of the birds chirping in the sky, beautiful weather, the scenic beauty of different health stations and as well as the different cuisines off road by the various provinces in our country.

✓ This is because of the birds chirping, the pleasant weather, the scenic beauty of health resorts, and the different roadside cuisines in various provinces of our country.

The original list is inconsistent and contains wrong collocations: 'health stations' likely intended 'health resorts' or 'hill stations'; 'off road' should be 'roadside' and 'by the various provinces' should be 'in various provinces'. Use parallel structure in lists and include definite article where needed. Replace 'in the sky' with just 'chirping' for conciseness.