Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is natural, directly responds, and gives specific supporting details. To improve, make the structure slightly clearer by starting with a concise topic sentence, then add one linked supporting detail. Avoid mixing reasons in one long sentence and keep sentences varied. Also check the consistency of transport terms (bus or car vs bus or train).

例: I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because it helps me avoid feeling carsick. Moreover, I enjoy watching the landscape pass by, especially rural scenes and rivers, which I find very relaxing.

提案: Good attempt to show contrast, but there are grammatical and cohesion issues. Remove redundant discourse markers (e.g., 'However, but') and fix tense consistency ('felt' → 'feel'). Use a clear topic sentence, then link contrasting conditions with a linking word (e.g., 'but' or 'however') and keep sentences short.

例: It depends on my mood. Sometimes I like to take photos because the passing views can be peaceful and stunning, but if I feel carsick I prefer to close my eyes and rest instead.

提案: Your response gives a clear preference and some reasons, but contains awkward phrasing and unclear detail ('vibrant atmosphere at the cold'). Be specific about the unpleasant experience if brief or omit it and replace unclear phrases with precise descriptions. Use linking words (e.g., 'because', 'for example') and keep to two to three concise sentences.

例: I now prefer the sea because I find coastal settings more relaxing than mountains. For example, I enjoy walking along sandy beaches, listening to the waves, and meeting friendly locals, which gives me a lively but peaceful feeling.

× However, but when I felt carsick and I prefer to close my eyes and rest rather than look out or take pictures.

✓ However, when I feel carsick I prefer to close my eyes and rest rather than look out or take pictures.

The original sentence incorrectly combines two conjunctions 'However, but' which is redundant. Also the tense shifts from present ('depends', 'enjoy') to past 'felt'; keep present consistency with 'when I feel carsick'. Remove the extra conjunction and use present tense 'feel' to match surrounding context. Suggested improvement: choose a single connector ('however' or 'but') and keep verb tenses consistent within the same context.

× I love the vibrant atmosphere at the cold and the friendly people, and I enjoy activities like walking along the beach and listening to the waves.

✓ I love the vibrant atmosphere, the cool weather and the friendly people, and I enjoy activities like walking along the beach and listening to the waves.

The phrase 'at the cold' is ungrammatical: preposition 'at' is incorrect and 'cold' used as a noun is awkward. This is a sentence structure and preposition error. Replacing with 'the cool weather' or 'the cold' without 'at' makes the phrase grammatical. Also use commas to separate listed items for clarity. Suggested improvement: list items in parallel form (noun phrases) and avoid incorrect prepositions; e.g. 'the cool weather' instead of 'at the cold'.

× I used to prefer the mountains, but after having some unpleasant experience there, I switched my preference to the sea.

✓ I used to prefer the mountains, but after having some unpleasant experiences there, I switched my preference to the sea.

The phrase 'some unpleasant experience' mixes plural meaning with singular form. Use plural 'experiences' when referring generally to multiple or unspecified occurrences. This is a count noun error affecting tense/context. Also 'used to' correctly indicates past habit; keep as is. Suggested improvement: use plural for countable nouns when referring to more than one or unspecified multiple occurrences.