Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Avoid repetition and fix grammatical errors (e.g., “natural beautiful nature” → “natural scenery”; remove extra “maybe”).

例: Yes — I often look out of the window when I travel by car or bus because I enjoy seeing the scenery. For example, I like observing ancient buildings and green hills, and sometimes seeing interesting places inspires me to visit them later.

提案: Make your response clearer and more natural. Begin with a direct statement, then give a specific example. Avoid unclear phrases and incorrect words (e.g., “this guy that's being sunset” and “some specific plans”). Use linking words like “for example” or “for instance.”

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the car window. For instance, I frequently photograph sunsets and interesting plants because the colours and shapes look especially beautiful from the moving vehicle.

提案: Give a direct preference, then provide 1–2 specific reasons with linking words. Correct small errors (e.g., “the Sea” → “the sea”; “the way it's going and coming back to you” → “the ebb and flow”). Keep sentences concise.

例: If I had to choose, I prefer the sea because it is very relaxing. For example, watching the ebb and flow of the waves helps me feel calm, and the wide horizon feels refreshing and inspiring.

× Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by car or bus, mainly because I enjoy watching the scenery, specifically ancient buildings, natural beautiful nature.

✓ Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by car or by bus, mainly because I enjoy watching the scenery, specifically ancient buildings and beautiful natural landscapes.

Error: awkward noun order and incorrect phrase 'natural beautiful nature'. Type 10 (Verb in the present participle form) applies because the issue involves incorrect form and ordering of descriptive words and noun phrases. Fix: place adjectives before nouns in correct order ('beautiful natural landscapes') and join items with 'and'. Also make 'by car or by bus' parallel and change 'nature' to 'landscapes' for clarity.

× And maybe you maybe while looking at these places it might give you a new opportunity to visit new places.

✓ Maybe while looking at these places you might get an opportunity to visit them.

Error: sentence is redundant and ungrammatical (repeated 'maybe', awkward word order). Type 26 (Sentence structure errors). Fix: remove redundancy, place adverb 'maybe' at start, reorder subject and modal verb ('you might get'), and replace 'new places' with 'them' for clarity.

× Yes, I do so much.

✓ Yes, I do it a lot.

Error: 'do so much' is non-idiomatic in this context. Type 14 (Incorrect use of quantifiers). Fix: use 'a lot' or 'very often' to express frequency: 'I do it a lot.'

× I love taking pictures of scenery that I see or discover through looking out the window.

✓ I love taking pictures of the scenery I see through the window.

Error: wordy and slightly redundant ('discover' and 'through looking out the window'). Type 26 (Sentence structure errors). Fix: simplify to natural phrasing: 'the scenery I see through the window.'

× There's something about like this guy that's being sunset is so beautiful and some specific plans or nature that you've got as gorgeous throughout the window.

✓ There's something about a sunset that is so beautiful, and about specific plants or natural scenes that look gorgeous through the window.

Error: many incorrect words and structures ('this guy that's being sunset', 'plans' instead of 'plants', awkward clause). Type 26 (Sentence structure errors). Fix: correct vocabulary ('sunset', 'plants', 'scenes') and use clear relative clauses: 'a sunset that is so beautiful' and 'plants or natural scenes that look gorgeous.'

× This is a really difficult question to answer because I can't compare between these two things, but if I had to say, I would say the Sea.

✓ This is a really difficult question to answer because I can't compare the two, but if I had to choose, I would choose the sea.

Error: unnecessary preposition 'between' after 'compare' and awkward phrasing 'say the Sea' with incorrect capitalization. Type 25 (Comparative and superlative errors) because comparison phrasing is incorrect. Fix: use 'compare the two' or 'compare the two things', use 'choose' instead of 'say', and use lowercase 'sea.'

× Look at the Sea is so relaxing, the way it's going and coming back to you.

✓ The sea is so relaxing, the way the waves come and go.

Error: ungrammatical imperative 'Look at the Sea' and awkward clause 'the way it's going and coming back to you.' Type 26 (Sentence structure errors). Fix: make a proper declarative sentence and use natural expression 'waves come and go.'

× It's really eye opening and so calming in many ways.

✓ It's really eye-opening and very calming in many ways.

Error: 'eye opening' should be hyphenated when used as a compound adjective before a noun or as a fixed expression; 'so calming' is acceptable but 'very calming' is more natural here. Type 13 (Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs). Fix: use 'eye-opening' and consider 'very calming' for naturalness.