Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (umm), and provide one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words to connect ideas and keep within 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I usually look out the window when I travel because I enjoy watching changing landscapes. For example, I like noticing small villages and fields passing by, which helps me relax and remember the journey.

提案: Your answer is thoughtful but a bit abstract. Start with a clear direct response, then give one concrete reason and a short example. Use a linking phrase (for example, however) to make it coherent.

例: Not usually. I prefer to enjoy the moment because taking photos all the time can be distracting; for example, once I spent a whole trip photographing and felt I missed observing details like local people and architecture.

提案: Give a concise, polite topic sentence and avoid repetition and informal phrasing. Provide a specific reason or two that go beyond appearance (e.g., activities, atmosphere). Keep to 2–3 sentences and avoid fillers like 'uh' and repeated phrases.

例: I prefer the sea because I enjoy beach activities and the relaxed atmosphere. For instance, I like swimming and listening to the waves, which makes me feel refreshed and more confident.

× My favorite activity while traveling is to look out the window, witness a beautiful scene umm in front of me is best thing to keep in memory while I'm traveling.

✓ My favorite activity while traveling is looking out the window; witnessing a beautiful scene in front of me is the best way to make a memory while I'm traveling.

The structure 'My favorite activity is to look' is acceptable, but using the -ing form ('is looking') is more natural after 'is' when naming an activity. 'Witness a beautiful scene' should be 'witnessing a beautiful scene' to match the gerund form. Also 'in front of me is best thing' needs the article 'the' and clearer phrasing; 'the best way to make a memory' is idiomatic. Use of gerunds creates parallel structure and improves fluency. Suggestion: Use gerunds for activities after 'is' and keep parallel forms (looking; witnessing).

× From my perspective, it's not really necessary to take a picture of everything you see as beautiful or interesting.

✓ From my perspective, it's not really necessary to take a picture of everything you see that is beautiful or interesting.

The sentence is mostly correct but needs 'that is' to connect 'everything you see' with the relative clause 'beautiful or interesting' for clarity. This keeps the present tense and makes the noun phrase grammatical. Suggestion: Insert 'that is' or rephrase as 'everything that you find beautiful or interesting.'

× Sometimes things just have to be temporary for it to last longer in your thoughts and memory.

✓ Sometimes things just have to be temporary for them to last longer in your thoughts and memory.

The pronoun 'it' is singular while 'things' is plural; use 'them' to agree in number. This is a subject-pronoun agreement within a present-tense general statement. Suggestion: Ensure pronoun number matches its antecedent; use 'them' for 'things.'

× I tend to prefer the sea, uh, because tanning is my favorite free time activity.

✓ I tend to prefer the sea because tanning is my favorite pastime.

'Free time activity' is understandable but wordy; 'pastime' is a concise, idiomatic noun. Remove filler 'uh' in writing. The rest is fine; article 'the sea' is correct. Suggestion: Use idiomatic nouns like 'pastime' and avoid fillers in formal answers.

× I love the way I look after turning all day with nose burned and beautiful beach waves.

✓ I love the way I look after tanning all day, with a sunburned nose and beautiful beach waves in my hair.

'Turning' is incorrect; the intended verb is 'tanning' (gerund) to describe getting a tan. 'Nose burned' is a nonstandard passive phrase; use the past participle 'sunburned' as an adjective. Add commas for clarity. Ensure correct verb form and adjective use to describe appearance. Suggestion: Use 'tanning' and 'sunburned' and place descriptive phrases clearly (e.g., 'with a sunburned nose').

× They make me very very confident and I love the way I look after tanning.

✓ They make me very confident, and I love the way I look after tanning.

Repeating 'very' twice is informal and redundant; use a single 'very' for correctness and fluency. Add a comma before 'and' to join independent clauses. The rest is fine. Suggestion: Avoid unnecessary repetition of intensifiers and punctuate compound sentences correctly.