Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetitions and unfinished sentences. For example, correct subject-verb agreement, remove redundant words, and finish the example (describe what changes you can see).

例: Yes. I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because the scenery helps me relax and passes the time. For example, I enjoy watching the changing landscapes — from city streets to green fields — which gives me a sense of how far we have travelled.

提案: Avoid fillers (umm) and unclear comparisons. Give a clear reason and one specific example of what you like about such photos. Use linking words (for example, because) and finish your thought about imperfections — explain why they matter. Keep it within 3–4 clear sentences.

例: Yes. I often take photos from the car window because motion can create interesting light and blur effects that look artistic. For example, a slightly blurred tree or streaks of sunlight make the image feel spontaneous and unique compared with a polished photo posted online.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence and give one clear reason, then add a brief supporting detail. Correct small grammar issues (e.g., 'my partner and I' instead of 'me and my partner') and avoid contradicting statements. Mention availability briefly if relevant.

例: I prefer the sea to the mountains because my partner and I enjoy scuba diving. However, we also like hiking occasionally, but since we live in Saudi Arabia where mountains are scarce, we usually choose seaside trips.

× Yes, I often look out the window at the scenery when traveling by bus or car because while looking at the sceneries and landscapes makes me feel relaxed and unwind and also good thing to pass the time.

✓ Yes, I often look out the window at the scenery when traveling by bus or car because looking at the scenery and landscapes makes me feel relaxed and helps me unwind; it is also a good way to pass the time.

The original sentence mixes structures incorrectly: 'because while looking at...' is redundant and 'makes me feel relaxed and unwind' combines a base verb with an infinitive incorrectly. Use the gerund 'looking' as the subject of 'makes' and parallel verbs: 'makes me feel relaxed and helps me unwind.' Also use 'scenery' (uncountable) instead of 'sceneries.' Improve sentence flow by replacing 'good thing' with 'a good way.'

× For example, I can see the changes of.

✓ For example, I can see the changes in the landscape.

The fragment 'changes of.' is incomplete and lacks a noun following the preposition. Use the preposition 'in' with 'changes' and supply the noun 'landscape' to complete the idea. No past participle needed; this corrects sentence structure and completes the thought.

× Yes, I love photographing the scenery outside the car window because it looks more aesthetic, especially if the car is moving.

✓ Yes, I love photographing the scenery outside the car window because it looks more aesthetic, especially when the car is moving.

Using 'if' here suggests a conditional; 'when' is better to indicate the typical situation of the car moving. The gerund 'photographing' is correct; only the temporal connector needs adjustment for clarity.

× Umm, it's different from the picture that was posted online for example.

✓ Umm, for example, it looks different from pictures posted online.

Original word order is awkward. Move 'for example' to the start of the clause and pluralize 'pictures' for generalization. Also use 'looks different from' to compare appearance, improving clarity and natural flow.

× It has like the picture has umm imperfection and.

✓ It has imperfections that pictures posted online often do not have.

The original is fragmented and contains filler words. Replace casual fillers and the incomplete ending with a complete clause: 'It has imperfections that pictures posted online often do not have.' This clarifies the contrast and removes informal filler.

× I prefer the sea more than the mountains because me and my partner love scuba diving, but sometimes we love hiking also.

✓ I prefer the sea to the mountains because my partner and I love scuba diving, but sometimes we also enjoy hiking.

Use the correct pronoun order 'my partner and I' (subject form) instead of 'me and my partner.' Use 'prefer A to B' rather than 'prefer A more than B.' Move 'also' to a natural position and replace 'love' with 'enjoy' for variety.

× But since we live in Saudi Arabia, there are no mountains to hike.

✓ But since we live in Saudi Arabia, there are no nearby mountains to hike.

The original is mostly acceptable, but adding 'nearby' clarifies the intended meaning (there are no mountains near where they live). If the speaker meant there are no mountains in the country at all, the original could stand; this suggestion improves precision.