Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and repetition, give a clearer topic sentence, and use concise, coherent supporting details with linking words. Aim for 2–4 sentences without filler words like “umm” or “uh.” Mention one clear example and a brief reason. For example, say you enjoy photographing skies and water because of light and reflections, then give a single specific instance and what you did with the photos.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views, especially skies and bodies of water, because the light and reflections create striking images. For example, I photographed the Burlington waterfront last month where the sunset reflected on the lake, and I uploaded a selection of the best shots to my Instagram.

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant, but shorten slightly and add a linking word to connect reason and result. Replace vague phrases like “soothe my mental peace” with a concise, natural expression such as “relax me” or “help me feel calm.” Keep to 2–3 sentences and include one specific detail about the rural scenes you like.

例: I prefer rural views because they are quiet and peaceful, which helps me relax and focus on composition. For instance, I enjoy photographing misty fields and old farmhouses in the early morning because the soft light makes the scenes more atmospheric.

提案: Be more direct and avoid filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then give one or two specific examples with brief reasons (e.g., landscape, accessibility, familiarity). Use a linking word like “for example” or “such as” to introduce examples and avoid repeating phrases like “I love my country” twice.

例: I prefer views in my own country because I want to explore its diverse landscapes. For example, I visited Kashmir and Manali, where the mountain scenery and fresh air made the views especially memorable and great for photography.

× I also played uploaded it on my Instagram.

✓ I also uploaded it on my Instagram.

The sentence contains an unnecessary auxiliary verb 'played' before the past participle 'uploaded'. Use the past simple 'uploaded' alone to describe a completed action. Suggestion: remove the extra verb and write 'I uploaded it on my Instagram.'

× So there were, there was a lot of water and I took a lot of videos and photos.

✓ So there was a lot of water and I took a lot of videos and photos.

The speaker uses both plural 'there were' and singular 'there was' together, which is redundant and inconsistent. Use a single correct 'there was' because 'a lot of water' is treated as uncountable singular. Suggestion: choose the appropriate 'there is/was' form and avoid repeating it.

× I always love water.

✓ I have always loved water.

While 'I always love water' is understandable, the context refers to a general preference continuing to now; the present perfect 'have always loved' more naturally expresses a prolonged preference. Suggestion: use present perfect for actions or states that started in the past and continue to the present.

× For example, last time I went to Burlington waterfront because I'm a Piscean.

✓ For example, last time I went to the Burlington waterfront because I'm a Piscean.

The noun phrase 'Burlington waterfront' needs the definite article 'the' to be grammatically correct when referring to a specific waterfront. Also the causal clause 'because I'm a Piscean' is acceptable but slightly informal; keep as is if personal explanation is intended. Suggestion: add 'the' before 'Burlington waterfront.'

× I'm a person who is most gravitated towards the quiet rural area.

✓ I'm a person who is most gravitated to quiet rural areas.

The passive phrasing 'most gravitated towards' is awkward and 'area' should be plural if speaking generally. Better is 'gravitated to' (no passive) or 'most attracted to.' Suggestion: use 'gravitated to' and plural 'areas' when making a general statement.

× That is why I prefer taking pictures and enjoying the rural atmosphere and the views.

✓ That is why I prefer taking pictures and enjoying rural atmosphere and views.

Using 'the' before 'rural atmosphere' and 'the views' can be acceptable, but when speaking generally, articles are not needed. Removing 'the' makes the sentence more natural for general preference. Suggestion: omit definite articles when referring to general concepts.

× It is so calm and peaceful that it helps me soothe my mental peace and I naturally take photos there.

✓ It is so calm and peaceful that it soothes my mind, and I naturally take photos there.

The phrase 'soothe my mental peace' is awkward and redundant. Use 'soothes my mind' or 'calms me' instead. Also combine clauses with a comma and conjunction for clarity. Suggestion: replace 'soothe my mental peace' with 'soothes my mind' or 'calms me.'

× I haven't explored it a lot, but I would love to.

✓ I haven't explored it much, but I would love to.

Using 'a lot' is acceptable colloquially, but 'much' is more idiomatic with 'haven't explored' in negative contexts. Keep the present perfect 'haven't explored' to indicate up-to-now experience. Suggestion: use 'much' after negative perfect constructions.

× So yeah, I would prefer views in my own country.

✓ So yeah, I would prefer views from my own country.

Saying 'views in my own country' is understandable, but 'views from my own country' is more natural when comparing views originating in one country versus others. Suggestion: use 'from' to indicate origin of views when comparing countries.

× Uh, even the places I went to, for example Kashmir or Manali, uh, they are mountainous places and I loved the views and atmosphere over there.

✓ Even the places I have been to, for example Kashmir or Manali, are mountainous and I loved the views and the atmosphere there.

Use present perfect 'have been to' to indicate experiences at unspecified times before now. Remove redundant 'they are' and 'over there'—'there' suffices. Also include 'the' before 'atmosphere' for a specific atmosphere experienced. Suggestion: use 'have been to' for past experiences and streamline the clause to avoid redundancy.