Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Устраните запинки и повторы, используйте более естественные фразы и более точные детали. Начните прямо с темы, добавьте одно-два конкретных примера и одну причину, используя связки (for example, because, so). Сократите до 2–4 предложений, избегая междометий и «э-э».

例: Yes, I love taking pictures of different views. For example, when I spend time with family or friends I often photograph interesting buildings and candid moments, because photos help me remember those happy times. They also let me share memories later.

提案: Работайте над грамматикой и завершённостью мыслей; избегайте повторов («I I») и разговорных клише. Дайте чёткий топик-сентенс (I prefer...), затем одно конкретное объяснение и пример с использованием связки (because, for example).

例: I prefer urban views. I enjoy walking around city centres because I admire architecture and public art; for example, I often visit new building projects and photograph facades and street scenes.

提案: Сформулируйте мысль ясно и без лишних слов; уточните примеры и избегайте слов-паразитов. Начните с прямого ответа (I prefer...), затем приведите один или два конкретных примера природных мест и объяснение, используя связки (for instance, because).

例: I prefer views in my own country because Kazakhstan has many spectacular natural sites. For instance, there are clear mountain lakes, waterfalls and rivers with crystal-clear water, which I love to photograph when I travel locally.

× Definitely, yes, I'm big fan of shooting some beautiful moments of my life.

✓ Definitely, yes, I'm a big fan of shooting beautiful moments of my life.

The noun phrase 'big fan' requires the indefinite article 'a'. Omission of the article is incorrect in English. Suggestion: use 'a big fan' before singular countable nouns.

× For example, while I'm working with my family or friends, I would like to take pictures of beautiful infrastructure or happy moments with them.

✓ For example, while I'm working with my family or friends, I like to take pictures of beautiful architecture or happy moments with them.

The original mixes 'would like' (polite desire) with 'while I'm working', which implies habitual action; use present simple 'I like to take' for habitual actions. Also 'infrastructure' is inappropriate for photos of buildings; 'architecture' is better. Suggestion: use simple present for routines and choose correct noun.

× Umm, because, uh, it makes me happy and uh, maybe after sometimes I will, uh, remember this, remember.

✓ It makes me happy and maybe later I will remember those moments.

The phrase 'after sometimes' is ungrammatical. Use 'later' or 'sometimes later'. Also change 'this' to 'those moments' to agree with plural 'moments'. Suggestion: use 'maybe later I will remember those moments.'

× Frankly, I'm city person and the social butterfly person, so I go to the city center really often and I keen on the urban areas because I I found I'm fond of wondering about architectural places, projects and.

✓ Frankly, I'm a city person and a social butterfly, so I go to the city centre quite often and I'm keen on urban areas because I am fond of wandering around architectural places and projects.

Multiple issues: missing articles before 'city person' and 'social butterfly'; 'really often' is acceptable but 'quite often' is more natural; 'I keen on' should be 'I'm keen on' (verb 'be' missing); 'found' is incorrect tense/word choice, use 'am'; 'wondering' should be 'wandering' (different meaning) and needs 'around' after it; sentence was also incomplete—finish list. Suggestion: include articles, correct verb 'be', and use 'wandering around'.

× I'm a big fan of my country and in Kazakhstan we have a lot of beautiful places, for example, natural places like mountains with crystals, so umm, crystal water, umm uh, waterfall or uh, rivers when, where you can find the your cup of tea among you.

✓ I'm a big fan of my country. In Kazakhstan we have many beautiful places, for example natural sites like mountains with crystal-clear water, waterfalls, or rivers where you can find your cup of tea.

Problems: sentence run-on and awkward phrasing. 'Mountains with crystals' is unclear; 'crystal-clear water' is the intended phrase. 'the your cup of tea among you' is ungrammatical—'your cup of tea' should not have 'the' and 'among you' is unnecessary. Also 'a lot of' can be more formal as 'many'. Suggestion: break into two sentences, use 'crystal-clear water' and 'where you can find your cup of tea.'