Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and structured. Start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you like taking pictures, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid unnecessary fillers (e.g., “actually,” “um”) and repetition. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, “however” or “so”).

例: Yes, I do enjoy taking pictures of different views. I often photograph landscapes and cityscapes because they help me remember places I've visited; however, I sometimes run out of phone memory and have to delete older photos to free space.

提案: Give a clear, direct answer first, then provide two specific reasons with a linking word. Remove hesitations and repeated words. Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., “quiet,” “clean air,” “natural scenery”) and keep the response within 2–4 sentences.

例: I prefer rural views because they are quieter and offer cleaner air. In rural areas I can relax in natural scenery and enjoy activities like walking or birdwatching, which helps me unwind from city stress.

提案: Answer directly and clearly whether you prefer one over the other or both, then explain with a specific reason and an example. Avoid vague phrases like “another thing can just replace my country views.” Use linking words (e.g., “however,” “for example”) to make your point coherent.

例: I like views from both my country and other countries. For example, I appreciate familiar landscapes at home because they feel comfortable, but I also enjoy foreign scenery when I travel because it offers new cultures and different architecture to explore.

× Actually, yeah, unfortunately I have taken such a lot of pictures of different beautiful and amazing views that I don't have enough memory on my phone and I have to delete some important photos to do some work. Photos of views.

✓ Actually, yes, unfortunately I have taken so many pictures of different beautiful views that I don't have enough memory on my phone, and I have to delete some important photos to make room.

The phrase 'such a lot of pictures' is awkward; use 'so many pictures' (quantifier correction, fits present perfect context). 'To do some work. Photos of views.' is fragmented and unclear; 'to make room' conveys purpose. Also remove redundant adjectives 'beautiful and amazing' to avoid unnatural repetition. Use 'yes' instead of 'yeah' for slightly more formal spoken response. Ensure sentence flow and purpose are clear. (Note: primary issues include incorrect quantifier phrasing and sentence fragment; corrected to present perfect usage and clear purpose.)

× I prefer, uh, views in rural areas as, uh, that places are really beautiful for me and uh, they have less noisy pollution so I could spend, I can spend my, me time and umm, enjoy nature.

✓ I prefer views in rural areas because those places are really beautiful to me and they have less noise and pollution, so I can spend my time there and enjoy nature.

Pronoun and demonstrative errors: 'that places' should be 'those places' to agree in number and function. 'Less noisy pollution' is incorrect collocation; separate 'noise and pollution' or use 'less noise and pollution'. 'I could spend, I can spend my, me time' contains redundant and incorrect pronoun use; 'I can spend my time' is correct. Use 'because' rather than 'as' for clearer cause in spoken answering. Overall fix pronoun agreement and remove redundant words. (Note: fixes address demonstrative pronoun, pronoun redundancy, and collocation.)

× I can answer that question because actually I both like views from my country and from abroad. Of course I love traveling, but another thing can just replace my country views.

✓ I can answer that question: I like views both from my country and from abroad. Of course I love traveling, but nothing can replace the views of my country.

Awkward word order and incorrect use of 'another thing can just replace my country views.' The correct meaning likely is that nothing can replace the views of one's country. 'I both like views from my country and from abroad' should be 'I like views both from my country and from abroad' for natural word order. 'Country views' is awkward; use 'the views of my country'. Replace 'another thing can just replace' with 'nothing can replace' to express uniqueness. Ensure punctuation and clause order make the response clear.