Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and clear. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect phrasing (e.g., “refresh my mind that I have taken”).

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views. For example, when I travel I photograph landscapes and cityscapes so I can relive the experience later, and these photos help me relax and remember details I might otherwise forget.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and one or two specific reasons with correct vocabulary and grammar. Use linking words like “because” or “whereas” correctly, and avoid repeated words (e.g., “rural rural”, “peace peaceful”).

例: I prefer views in rural areas because they are peaceful and scenic, with open fields and little traffic, whereas urban areas often feel noisy and crowded, which I find less relaxing.

提案: Clarify your meaning and correct grammar. State a clear preference, give specific reasons (e.g., familiarity, culture, accessibility), and avoid unclear phrases like “pool of my route” or “pool of Rd.” Keep it to two sentences maximum.

例: I prefer views in my own country because I know the landscape and culture well, so I can appreciate subtle details and access interesting places more easily. For instance, I often visit nearby coastal towns and mountains to photograph local scenery and traditions.

× Yes, I typically enjoy taking pictures of different views because whenever I get the free time, I can look back into those photos which will allow me to revisit the photos that I have taken.

✓ Yes, I typically enjoy taking pictures of different views because whenever I have free time, I can look back at those photos which allow me to revisit what I have captured.

Problems: 'get the free time' is unnatural and should be 'have free time' (word choice/verb collocation). 'look back into' is incorrect preposition; use 'look back at' (preposition error). 'which will allow me to revisit the photos that I have taken' is wordy and redundant; use 'which allow me to revisit what I have captured' to be concise and match present perfect usage. Suggestions: use natural collocations (have free time), correct preposition 'at' after 'look back', avoid redundant phrasing by replacing repeated nouns with pronouns or nominal clauses.

× The views will refresh my mind that I have taken and that's why I like to take the views.

✓ The views refresh my mind, and that's why I like to take photographs of them.

Problems: 'will refresh my mind that I have taken' is ungrammatical and unclear (incorrect clause structure). 'take the views' is unnatural; use 'take photographs of them' or 'photograph them'. Tense: simple present 'refresh' fits habitual action. Suggestions: restructure sentence into two coordinated clauses, use clear object ('photographs of them') and appropriate tense.

× I entirely prefer the views of rural rural areas because the rural areas are seem to be very attractive and peace peaceful, whereas the urban areas are seem to be very noisy and congested.

✓ I strongly prefer the views of rural areas because they seem very attractive and peaceful, whereas urban areas seem noisy and congested.

Problems: 'entirely prefer' is awkward; 'strongly prefer' or 'generally prefer' is better (word choice). Duplicate 'rural rural' is an error. 'are seem to be' is incorrect combination; use 'seem' or 'are' (subject-verb). 'peace peaceful' is mistaken repetition; use 'peaceful'. Suggestions: remove duplicates, choose correct verb 'seem' for perception statements, and use appropriate adverb ('strongly' or 'generally').

× That's why I like the view of rural areas mostly.

✓ That's why I mostly like views of rural areas.

Problems: Word order—'mostly' placement is awkward. 'the view of rural areas' is less natural than 'views of rural areas'. Suggestions: place adverb 'mostly' before the verb or before the noun phrase for natural word order.

× I feel like I prefer the view of my own country because my the pool of my route allows me to always inspires me to explore my entire country, my whole country nicely.

✓ I prefer the views of my own country because my roots and background always inspire me to explore my whole country.

Problems: 'I feel like I prefer' is redundant—'I prefer' is sufficient. 'my the pool of my route' is garbled and unclear; likely intended 'the pool of my route' is incorrect; use 'my roots and background' or 'my upbringing'. 'allows me to always inspires me' mixes forms and has redundancy; use 'always inspire me' (present simple). 'entire country, my whole country nicely' is repetitive. Suggestions: simplify to 'I prefer... because my roots/background inspire me to explore my whole country.' Use correct verb form 'inspire' after plural subject and avoid redundant phrases.

× That's why I love to explore my own country and the capturing the view instead of other countries because of the pool of Rd.

✓ That's why I love exploring my own country and capturing its views instead of those of other countries because of my roots.

Problems: 'the capturing the view' is ungrammatical—remove extra article and use gerund 'capturing'. 'instead of other countries' is acceptable but 'those of other countries' is clearer for 'views'. 'the pool of Rd' is unclear; replace with 'my roots' or 'my background'. Article misuse: unnecessary 'the' before 'capturing' and 'the pool'. Suggestions: use gerund 'exploring' and 'capturing its views', replace unclear phrase with meaningful noun phrase, and ensure correct use of articles (omit 'the' when not needed).