Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence answering the question, avoid filler words (uh, umm), correct grammar (e.g., "to remember where I visited"), and add one or two specific details using linking words. Keep to a maximum of 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views. When I travel, I often photograph landscapes like mountains and rivers to remember the places I visited. I also send selected photos to my family so they can see where I’ve been.

提案: Give a direct preference statement, correct grammar, reduce repetition and fillers, and add a specific reason with a linking word. Use a relevant vocabulary word (e.g., "countryside," "sunsets," "birdsong"). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer rural views to urban ones because the countryside offers breathtaking sunsets and rolling fields. For example, in the morning the birdsong and mist over the fields create a peaceful atmosphere.

提案: Answer directly and use correct grammar. Avoid unclear phrases ("really not wasted another country"). State preference clearly, then support with two specific reasons or examples using linking words. Remove irrelevant or disjointed fragments. Keep to 3–4 sentences maximum.

例: I prefer views in my own country because I am more familiar with the landscapes and culture. For instance, Islamabad has many scenic spots and delicious local cuisine, and in Kashmir I can visit historical landmarks and mountain valleys.

× Oh yes, I really like enjoying taking pictures of beautiful places.

✓ Oh yes, I really enjoy taking pictures of beautiful places.

The verb phrase 'like enjoying taking' is incorrect because 'like' should be followed by the base verb with -ing to express preference: 'enjoy' is unnecessary. Use 'enjoy taking' or 'like taking'. 'I really enjoy taking pictures' is concise and grammatically correct. Suggestion: choose either 'I like taking' or 'I really enjoy taking'.

× Whenever I travel to another city or another country, I usually take pictures of beautiful sceneries, mountains and rivers, uh, to remember that where I wasted.

✓ Whenever I travel to another city or country, I usually take pictures of beautiful scenery, mountains, and rivers to remember where I was.

Multiple issues: 'another city or another country' is repetitive—use 'another city or country'. 'Sceneries' is uncountable and should be 'scenery'. The phrase 'to remember that where I wasted' is incorrect; intended meaning is 'to remember where I was'. Use past tense 'was' for a past location. Also remove filler words. Suggestion: simplify and use correct uncountable nouns and past tense for memory.

× Sometimes I send picture to my family and friends to show them that we are umm, uh.

✓ Sometimes I send pictures to my family and friends to show them what I saw.

'Picture' should be plural 'pictures' to match 'sometimes' and general meaning. The clause 'to show them that we are umm, uh' is unclear; likely intended 'to show them what I saw'. Replace ambiguous filler with clear phrase. Suggestion: use plural nouns for general habits and avoid fillers.

× Well, I like the rural areas the most because the mountains of crops and sunset views are mostly look breathtaking in the area of UH.

✓ Well, I like rural areas the most because the fields of crops and sunset views mostly look breathtaking there.

Adverb placement and word choice: 'mostly look breathtaking' should be 'mostly look breathtaking' or better 'look breathtaking' with 'mostly' placed before verb. 'Mountains of crops' is unnatural; use 'fields of crops' or 'farmland'. 'in the area of UH' is filler; replace with 'there'. Suggestion: use natural collocations ('fields', 'farmland') and place adverbs before verbs.

× In the rural areas and umm in the morning, the chipping of birds UH are so breathtaking.

✓ In rural areas, in the morning, the chirping of birds is so beautiful.

'The chipping of birds' has wrong word 'chipping' (should be 'chirping') and 'the' is unnecessary before 'rural areas'. The subject 'chirping' is singular gerund, so verb should be 'is' not 'are'. 'Breathtaking' can be used, but 'beautiful' is more natural for sounds. Suggestion: correct vocabulary and ensure subject-verb agreement for gerunds.

× While I really not wasted another country so I prefer the beautiful views of my own country.

✓ I have not really visited another country, so I prefer the beautiful views of my own country.

The original has incorrect verb 'wasted' instead of 'visited', and 'While' is unnecessary. Use present perfect 'have not visited' to express experience up to now. Also keep logical conjunction 'so' to connect clauses. Suggestion: use correct verbs and appropriate tense to talk about life experience.

× Especially in Islamabad there are a lot of breathtaking sceneries and mouth watering cuisine.

✓ Especially in Islamabad, there are many breathtaking scenes and mouth-watering cuisines.

'Sceneries' is incorrect plural; use 'scenes' or 'scenery' (uncountable). 'a lot of' is informal; replace with 'many' for countable 'scenes'. 'Mouth watering' should be hyphenated 'mouth-watering' when used as a compound adjective before a noun. 'Cuisine' can be uncountable or plural 'cuisines' depending on meaning. Suggestion: choose correct countable/uncountable nouns and hyphenate compound adjectives.

× However, when uh however are the moment.

✓ However, at the moment,

This fragment is ungrammatical and unclear. Likely intended 'However, at the moment,' to introduce a contrast. Remove repeated 'however' and filler sounds. Complete the sentence after this phrase. Suggestion: avoid fillers and ensure sentence fragments are completed.

× I live Bernalaz at Kashmir and there are lot of uh historical landmarks.

✓ I live in Bernalaz in Kashmir, and there are a lot of historical landmarks there.

Missing preposition 'in' before place names: 'live in Bernalaz in Kashmir'. 'there are lot of' needs 'a' as 'there are a lot of'. Also add 'there' at end for clarity. Remove filler. Suggestion: include appropriate prepositions for locations and correct quantifier usage.