Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer communicates the idea but is a bit long and has some grammar and redundancy issues. To improve, start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repeating phrases, correct tense and preposition errors, and keep it within 2–4 sentences. Use a linking word to contrast reasons (e.g., “however” or “but”) and replace vague phrases like “state of mind” with simpler expressions. For example, say you sometimes prefer to enjoy a view privately, but you take photos when with friends or family to remember the moment. Also correct small errors such as "that I loved with" → "who I love" and "take some time off" → "take a moment".

例: I sometimes prefer to enjoy a view without taking photos because I want to soak up the moment. However, if I am with family or close friends, I usually take pictures to preserve memories.

提案: The answer expresses a clear preference but has repetition, grammar errors and awkward phrasing. To improve, give one concise topic sentence stating your preference, then add specific supporting details with linking words. Fix grammar (e.g., "strolling in the urban areas" → "strolling in urban areas"; "what people thinks" → "what people think") and remove redundant clauses. Use varied vocabulary to describe urban life (e.g., "bustling", "lively", "diverse").

例: I prefer views in urban areas because the streets are lively and full of people. For example, I enjoy watching how different people dress and interact, which gives me ideas and inspiration.

提案: The response gives specific, personal details, which is good, but it doesn't directly answer the question comparing home vs other countries and contains unclear phrasing. Improve by starting with a direct answer (e.g., "I prefer views in my own country") then give specific supporting detail about your office view. Remove confusing phrases like "S 3rd on the southern hemisphere" and tidy sentences for clarity. Use linking words like "because" or "for example".

例: I generally prefer views in my own country because they are familiar and accessible. For example, my office is in a very tall building, so I can watch changing weather and moving clouds every day, which I find calming.

× Depending on the state of mind that I was in, if I want to take some time off and take the view entirely by myself, I'm not going to take the picture because I'd rather enjoy the view.

✓ Depending on the state of mind I am in, if I want to take some time off and take the view entirely by myself, I don't take pictures because I'd rather enjoy the view.

Tense inconsistency: the original mixes past ('was') with present conditional ('if I want') and future ('I'm not going to'). For a general habit or present preference use present simple ('I am', 'I want', 'I don't take pictures'). Suggestion: keep the same time frame across the sentence; use present when describing typical behavior.

× But if I want to cherish memories, if I'm with people that I loved with, I'm going to take pictures.

✓ But if I want to cherish memories, if I'm with people I love, I take pictures.

Redundant and incorrect use of preposition 'with' after 'loved' and tense mismatch. Use 'people I love' (relative clause without 'with') and present simple 'I take pictures' for habitual action. Suggestion: remove unnecessary preposition and keep present tense for habitual behavior.

× Recently, I've been enjoying strolling in the urban areas because it's bustling and hustling.

✓ Recently, I've been enjoying strolling in urban areas because they're bustling and busy.

'Hustling' as adjective is awkward; 'busy' better conveys meaning. Also use plural agreement 'urban areas' with plural predicate 'they're'. Suggestion: choose appropriate adjectives and match number between subject and verb.

× I would love to know what people thinks because in urban areas there are often people because there's often lots of people in there.

✓ I would love to know what people think because urban areas often have lots of people.

Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural so use 'think', not 'thinks'. Also sentence is repetitive and contains awkward placeholders ('there are...there's...in there'). Suggestion: simplify to one clear clause and ensure verb agrees with plural subject.

× My office is actually located in the tallest building on the S 3rd on the southern hemisphere and I get to see the weather changes, the clouds moving.

✓ My office is actually located in the tallest building on S Third in the southern hemisphere, and I can see the changing weather and moving clouds.

Articles and prepositions: use 'on S Third' is odd — better 'on S Third' or 'on S Third Street' but keep 'in the southern hemisphere' (use 'in'). 'The weather changes' is correct but 'changing weather' is more natural. Also 'I get to see' is acceptable but 'I can see' is simpler. Suggestion: use correct preposition 'in' for hemispheres, use natural noun phrases, and normalize place names.

× I've been enjoying the view coming from my office lately, something that is close that I can see every day.

✓ I've been enjoying the view from my office lately; it's close and I can see it every day.

Awkward phrasing 'view coming from my office' and redundant clauses. Use 'view from my office' and link ideas with clearer pronouns. Suggestion: use concise, natural expressions like 'view from my office' and avoid redundant relative clauses.