Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and filler words (uh, like). Use correct verb tenses and prepositions (e.g., “when I’m at home” not “in my home alone”).

例: I prefer both kinds of music depending on my mood. For example, when I’m alone at home I usually listen to soft, sad songs to relax, but at family gatherings I choose upbeat, happy music to create a lively atmosphere.

提案: Answer directly and organize into a concise topic sentence plus specific supporting details. Correct grammar (e.g., “makes me feel,” “on a daily basis,” “when I’m free from studying”) and remove fillers. Give a brief example of when and how you listen to happy music and explain its effect with a clear linking word (e.g., “because,” “so”).

例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited because its tempo and lyrics lift my mood. For example, I listen to upbeat songs every evening after studying to recharge, and as a result I feel more energetic and motivated to continue my work.

× Actually, it depends upon my mode that whether I am in a sad mode or whether I'm in happy mode.

✓ Actually, it depends on my mood, whether I am in a sad mood or in a happy mood.

Use 'depend on' not 'depend upon' here (both possible but 'depend on' is more natural) and 'mood' (not 'mode'). Also avoid redundant 'that'. Use consistent 'in a ... mood'. Suggestion: say 'it depends on my mood' and keep parallel structure: 'whether I am in a sad mood or in a happy mood.'

× Uh, mostly whenever I am in, in my home alone, I prefer to listen soft and sad music.

✓ Mostly, when I am at home alone, I prefer to listen to soft, sad music.

Use 'at home' not 'in my home' for this context (both can work but 'at home' is natural). Include the preposition 'to' with 'listen to'. Use comma between adjectives 'soft, sad music'. Remove repeated filler 'in, in'. Suggestion: 'When I am at home alone, I prefer to listen to soft, sad music.'

× Uh, whereas whenever I was in my like family gathering or some uh, family parties or occasions, I prefer to you, uh, to listen happy music.

✓ Whereas when I am at family gatherings or at family parties and other occasions, I prefer to listen to happy music.

Mixes past 'was' with present 'prefer'. Maintain present habitual tense: use 'am' and 'prefer'. Use plural 'gatherings' and 'listen to happy music' with 'to'. Remove filler words. Use 'at' for events: 'at family gatherings/parties'. Suggestion: Use present simple for habitual actions: 'When I am at family gatherings, I prefer to listen to happy music.'

× Definitely happy music makes me, makes me feel more excited.

✓ Definitely, happy music makes me feel more excited.

Redundant repetition 'makes me, makes me' should be a single verb 'makes me feel'. Keep simple present for general truth. Suggestion: 'Happy music makes me feel more excited.'

× I think it uh, happy music is the only thing which makes and rejuvenates my mind very easily.

✓ I think happy music is the only thing that refreshes and rejuvenates my mind easily.

Avoid awkward insertion 'it uh,'. Use 'that' instead of 'which' in restrictive clauses in modern usage. 'Makes and rejuvenates my mind' is unclear; use verbs 'refreshes and rejuvenates'. 'Very easily' is wordy; 'easily' is sufficient. Suggestion: 'I think happy music is the only thing that refreshes and rejuvenates my mind.'

× And on the daily basis.

✓ And on a daily basis,

Fragment without main clause. 'On the daily basis' is unidiomatic; use 'on a daily basis' and attach to following clause. Suggestion: Combine with following sentence: 'And on a daily basis, I love to listen to happy music in the evening.'

× I love to listen happy music in the evening whenever I was uh, free from my studies.

✓ I love to listen to happy music in the evening whenever I am free from my studies.

Mixes past 'was' with present 'love'. Use present 'am' for habitual actions. Include 'to' in 'listen to'. Suggestion: 'I love to listen to happy music in the evening whenever I am free from my studies.'

× So it is like kind of my go to do activity which I do to listen happy songs.

✓ So it is kind of my go-to activity to listen to happy songs.

Awkward repetition 'go to do activity which I do to listen'. Use compound adjective 'go-to' and infinitive 'to listen to'. Include 'to' with 'listen'. Suggestion: 'So it is my go-to activity to listen to happy songs when I want to relax.'