Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more natural. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using correct vocabulary and linking words. Avoid vague or incorrect phrases (e.g. “I refuse the strong sense of connection,” “emotion in the storm”). Aim for 2–4 coherent sentences, correct word forms, and simple connectors like “because” or “which” to show cause and effect.

例: I prefer sad music because it helps me process my emotions and feel understood. For example, slow piano pieces often match my mood and make me reflect, which I find comforting.

提案: Make your response concise and grammatically correct. Give a clear topic sentence (yes/no) and add one specific reason with a linking word. Remove hesitations and repeat words. Use proper verb forms (e.g. “makes” not “make”).

例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited because upbeat rhythms and bright melodies boost my energy. For instance, I often listen to pop songs when I exercise because they motivate me to move faster.

× I would say I prefer sad music 'cause when I listen to the sad music, I refuse the strong sense of connection that means I can feel the emotion in the storm.

✓ I would say I prefer sad music 'cause when I listen to sad music, I feel a strong sense of connection; it means I can feel the emotion in the song.

The original uses 'refuse' which is incorrect in context; the intended meaning is an ongoing feeling, so the simple present 'feel' is appropriate. Also 'the sad music' is unnecessarily specific; use 'sad music' generally. 'Emotion in the storm' is likely a word choice error; 'song' fits the context. Suggestion: replace 'refuse' with 'feel' and 'storm' with 'song' to convey the intended meaning clearly.

× Yeah, it is the hap, the happy music definitely make me feel more ex excited 'cause I can feel the sense of the music, so I will be happy with that music.

✓ Yeah, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited because I can feel the emotion of the music, so I am happy with it.

Subject-verb agreement error: when the subject is 'happy music' (singular), the verb needs third-person singular form 'makes' not 'make'. Also 'ex excited' is a stutter and should be 'excited'. Use 'because' instead of ' 'cause' for formality and clarity; 'sense of the music' is better expressed as 'emotion of the music' or 'emotion in the music'. Replace 'I will be happy with that music' with present 'I am happy with it' to match the simple present general preference context.