Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and grammatical errors (e.g., possessives and pronouns).

例: I usually choose music based on my mood. For example, when I'm cheerful I prefer upbeat pop because it lifts my energy, but when I'm feeling down I listen to mellow acoustic songs since they help me reflect and calm down.

提案: Answer directly and use clear, accurate language. Provide one specific effect and an example, using linking words (e.g., because, so, for example). Reduce filler words and correct verb forms and collocations.

例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me more excited because the fast tempo and cheerful lyrics boost my energy. For example, when I hear an upbeat song I often start tapping my feet and sometimes dance along, which immediately improves my mood.

× It depends on my mood.

✓ It depends on my mood.

No change needed; sentence is grammatically correct present simple to express a general truth about preferences.

× If I'm happy, I listen to the happy music.

✓ If I'm happy, I listen to happy music.

Use of the definite article 'the' is incorrect here. 'Happy music' is an uncountable general category, so no article is needed. Remove 'the' to refer to music in general.

× If I'm not happy or I'm in sad mood, I listen to the sad mood.

✓ If I'm not happy or I'm in a sad mood, I listen to sad music.

Two issues: missing article before 'sad mood' (needs 'a sad mood') and incorrect noun choice 'sad mood' as the thing listened to; use 'sad music' to refer to the music that matches the mood. Also remove the definite article before 'sad music' because it is a general category.

× Because his music is expressing their feelings.

✓ Because that music expresses my feelings.

Pronoun reference is incorrect and inconsistent: 'his' and 'their' conflict and do not match the student. Use 'that music' or 'the music' and match the possessive to the speaker (my) or rephrase to 'expresses my feelings.' Also use simple present 'expresses' for habitual/general truth rather than progressive 'is expressing.'

× So it depends on my mood.

✓ So it depends on my mood.

No change needed; repetition of previous correct sentence is acceptable for emphasis and uses present simple correctly.

× Ah, of course it's give me good vibration, good positive thinking, good, uh, good vibe.

✓ Ah, of course it gives me good vibrations and a positive feeling.

'It's give' is incorrect: subject 'it' requires third person singular verb 'gives.' Also 'vibration' should be plural 'vibrations' or use 'vibe' singular; combine ideas into 'a positive feeling' for clarity and naturalness.

× So when I see happy music, I get more excited and I get dance to them, get dance to that.

✓ So when I hear happy music, I get more excited and I start to dance to it.

Use 'hear' not 'see' for music. 'Get dance to them' is ungrammatical: use 'start to dance' or 'dance' and match pronoun number: 'it' for 'music' (singular/uncountable). Also include 'to' only with 'dance to it' if indicating dancing to music.

× So I'm so happy for that.

✓ So I'm very happy about that.

Use 'very' instead of repetitive 'so' for naturalness; 'happy about that' is the correct prepositional phrase (use 'about' rather than 'for'). Present tense 'I'm' is fine.