Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear and direct, which is good. To improve, make it more concise and natural by removing redundancy (e.g., “still studying” and “who is”). Add a linking phrase if you expand (e.g., “because” or “and”) and keep to 1–2 sentences. Also avoid repeating location phrases; one mention of “near my house” is enough.

例: I’m a secondary school student at a school near my house. I prefer it because the commute is short and convenient.

提案: Good detail about the entrance exam and the bike commute, but the sentence is long and slightly unorganized. Break into two sentences, use linking words (for example, “and” or “so”), and avoid unnecessary words like “pretty.” Be specific about frequency or distance for stronger content.

例: I study at a secondary school that I entered after an entrance exam. It’s close to my home, so I usually ride my bike to school every day.

提案: You answered directly and gave reasons, which is good. Improve fluency by removing fillers (uh, um) and repetitions (“in my opinion, I think”, “are are”). Use one linking word for reason (“because” is fine) and provide a specific example of how teachers help to make your point more convincing.

例: Yes, I think it’s a great place to study because the teachers are professional and supportive. For example, when I struggle with math problems, they give extra explanations after class.

提案: You mention concrete problems, which is useful, but the answer is disorganized and has vague or incorrect phrases (“the best” is unclear, “pretty much” weakens statements). Avoid fillers and give specific improvements (what “old fashioned” means and how to fix the bathrooms). Use linking words like “for example” or “also” to structure the details.

例: Yes. For example, the IT room is outdated — the computers are slow and the software is old — so upgrading them would help with learning. Also, the bathrooms need regular cleaning and better ventilation because they are often dirty and smelly.

提案: Your goal is clear, but avoid weak phrases like “to be honest” and absolute statements such as “the only way.” Be more specific about steps you will take (e.g., prepare for entrance exams, attend tutoring) and mention realistic alternatives to show reflection. Keep it concise with 2–3 sentences maximum.

例: I plan to prepare for the entrance exams so I can attend a prestigious high school. I’m studying with a tutor and reviewing past papers to improve my chances, because that will open up more opportunities for university and a good career.

× I am currently a student who is still studying at a secondary school near my house.

✓ I am currently a student studying at a secondary school near my house.

The original sentence is grammatically acceptable but wordy and contains redundancy ('am currently' and 'still studying' both indicate ongoing action). Simplifying to 'am currently a student studying' avoids unnecessary repetition and makes the present-continuous meaning clearer.

× I study at a secondary school which I had to take an entrance exam and it is pretty near my house so I usually ride my bike to school.

✓ I study at a secondary school; I had to take an entrance exam to get in, and it is very near my house, so I usually ride my bike to school.

The original mixes tenses and clauses awkwardly. The entrance exam is a past event, so 'I had to take an entrance exam' is correct, but it needs clearer connection to 'to get in'. Adding a semicolon and minor punctuation clarifies the sentence. Also 'pretty near' is more natural as 'very near' and commas improve readability.

× Well, in my opinion, I think it is a very good place to study because all the teachers in here are are professional and they are very trustworthy.

✓ Well, in my opinion, I think it is a very good place to study because all the teachers here are professional and very trustworthy.

Use 'here' not 'in here' when referring to people at the location; 'in here' is redundant. Also there is a duplicated 'are are' which is a typographical/repetition error. Removing the extra 'are' and 'in' fixes the grammar and style.

× I always ask for their help when I when uh I have problems with my studying and they will always help me.

✓ I always ask for their help when I have problems with my studies, and they always help me.

The original contains disfluencies ('when I when uh I') and awkward phrasing 'problems with my studying'. Removing the filler words and changing to 'problems with my studies' or 'when I have difficulty studying' produces a natural sentence. Also avoid repeating 'always' twice; here using it twice is acceptable but redundant — keep one for clarity.

× Uh, well yes I do because the ITE room is pretty much old fashioned and I think the best.

✓ Uh, well yes, I do, because the ITE room is pretty old-fashioned, and I think it should be improved.

The phrase 'the ITE room' may be correct if a specific room is meant, so keep 'the'. 'Pretty much old fashioned' is awkward; use 'pretty old-fashioned'. The fragment 'and I think the best' is incomplete; supply a clear idea such as 'it should be improved'. Also add commas for natural pauses.

× The bathrooms are also pretty much dirty.

✓ The bathrooms are also quite dirty.

'Pretty much dirty' is nonstandard; 'quite dirty' or 'rather dirty' is more natural. This corrects adverb use modifying the adjective and fits present-tense description.

× They are very smelly too.

✓ They are also very smelly.

Stylistically, place adverb 'also' before the adjective for smoother English: 'also very smelly.' The original is understandable but slightly informal; this change improves flow.

× To be honest, I think my study plan is to be able to attend a prestigious high school because that is the only way for me to get a good job in the future.

✓ To be honest, my plan is to attend a prestigious high school because that is the best way for me to get a good job in the future.

'My study plan is to be able to attend' is wordy and indirect. Use simple future/intention phrasing 'my plan is to attend' which correctly expresses intent. 'Only way' may be strong; 'best way' is more natural unless you mean literally the only way. This keeps tense consistent and concise.