Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, then briefly add one or two specific supporting details. Remove filler words (uh, like) and avoid repeating ideas. Also correct tense/word choice (e.g., “one day” not “one of the days”). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes. My father bought me a bicycle when I was a child, but I couldn’t ride it at first. I tried to copy my friends several times, but I kept falling and, unfortunately, one day I fell and broke my leg. After that I kept practicing and eventually learned to ride.

提案: Provide a clear opinion then support it with specific, linked reasons and avoid repetition. Use linking words (however, because, for example) and correct phrasing (e.g., “rare” or “very rare”, “most people” not “most of the people”). Limit to 3–4 sentences and give a brief example or consequence.

例: No, bicycles are not very popular in my country because most people prefer cars or public transport. For example, city roads lack bike lanes, so cycling feels unsafe and inconvenient. I wish cycling were more common because it would reduce traffic and be healthier for people.

× When I was younger my dad bought me a bike but I didn't, uh, know how to ride it.

✓ When I was younger, my dad bought me a bike but I didn't know how to ride it.

Remove filler 'uh' for clarity; comma after introductory clause improves flow. The main verbs are in past tense and correct; the issue was punctuation and filler words interfering with sentence clarity, not tense mismatch. Suggestion: omit fillers and use commas after introductory phrases.

× So I was trying to ride it like my like I see my friends doing it but I always failed and one of the days I failed and I broke my leg.

✓ So I tried to ride it like I saw my friends doing, but I always failed, and one day I fell and broke my leg.

Problems: inconsistent tense and awkward phrasing. Use simple past 'tried' and 'saw' to match 'was younger' context; 'one of the days' is unnatural — use 'one day'; 'I failed and I broke my leg' is improved to 'I fell and broke my leg' which is more natural and accurate. Suggestion: keep past actions consistently in simple past, choose natural verbs ('fell') and simplify redundant phrases.

× Unfortunately no, the bikes aren't popular in my country.

✓ Unfortunately, no, bikes aren't popular in my country.

Minor punctuation: add comma after 'Unfortunately'. No article needed before 'bikes' when speaking generally. The tense 'aren't' is present and correct. Suggestion: use comma after sentence adverbs and omit unnecessary definite article for general statements.

× Most of the people use cars, most of the people use public transport.

✓ Most people use cars; many people also use public transport.

'Most of the people' is wordy; 'Most people' is more natural. Repeating the phrase is redundant; vary phrasing and use 'many' for the second clause. Suggestion: use concise quantifiers and avoid repetition.

× It's so rarely when you see a person riding a bike.

✓ It's so rare to see someone riding a bike.

'So rarely when you see' is ungrammatical. Use adjective 'rare' with an infinitive 'to see' or adverb 'rarely' in a different structure: 'You rarely see someone riding a bike.' Suggestion: choose correct adjective/adverb form and proper sentence structure.

× I don't really know what's the reason, but it's not popular at all.

✓ I don't really know the reason, but cycling is not popular at all.

'What's the reason' is informal but acceptable; better: 'I don't really know the reason.' Also 'it' is vague; replace with 'cycling' to clarify subject. Suggestion: clarify pronouns and prefer explicit subjects.

× I wish it was most more popular because I like to do it.

✓ I wish it were more popular because I like doing it.

'Most more' is incorrect; use 'more'. Use subjunctive 'were' for hypothetical wishes ('I wish it were more popular'). 'Like to do it' is awkward; 'like doing it' is more natural. Suggestion: use subjunctive after 'I wish' and correct adverb/adjective forms.

× I really like.

✓ I really like cycling.

Sentence is incomplete; 'I really like' requires an object. Add 'cycling' to complete thought and make sentence grammatical. Suggestion: always provide the object after 'like' when needed.