Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and repetition, give a clearer topic sentence and one or two concise supporting details. Use linking words to make the timeline and reason clear. Aim for 2–4 sentences, avoid filler words like “uh” and repeated words such as “my, my.”

例: Yes. I had a bicycle that my father bought for me when I was about three years old. Because I learned quickly and was quite confident, my father thought I could handle it at a young age, so he gave it to me as an early gift.

提案: Be more concise and avoid repeating filler words. Start with a clear opinion, then give specific reasons using linking words (for example, however). Finish with a full concluding phrase rather than trailing off. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country, especially in Ankara, because the city is mostly flat and easy to cycle around. However, in cities like Istanbul cycling is less common due to steep hills and busy traffic, which makes it less convenient.

× I think my father bought me that, uh, and I was around 3 years old maybe.

✓ I think my father bought it for me when I was around three years old.

The original sentence is understandable but awkwardly structured for past-tense narration. Use 'bought it for me' to clearly show the object and recipient. Spell out numbers under ten in formal speech: 'three'. Place time expression 'when I was around three years old' at the end for natural word order.

× Uh, probably it was a, a young age to get a bicycle, but it doesn't matter because I was a strong kid and my, my father thought I was such.

✓ It was probably quite young to get a bicycle, but it didn't matter because I was a strong kid and my father thought so.

'A young age' needs a modifier like 'quite' and correct word order: 'It was probably quite young to get a bicycle.' Use 'didn't' for past negation. The phrase 'thought I was such' is ungrammatical; use 'thought so' to refer back to 'strong.' Remove repeated fillers and unnecessary commas for clarity.

× Do you think bikes are popular in your country? Student: Yes, I think bikes are really popular in my country, uh, specifically in Ankara, because uh Ankara is a considerably flat city.

✓ Yes, I think bicycles are very popular in my country, especially in Ankara, because Ankara is a fairly flat city.

Use 'bicycles' or 'bikes' consistently; 'very popular' and 'especially' are more natural than 'really' and 'specifically' here. 'Considerably flat' is unusual; 'fairly flat' or 'relatively flat' is idiomatic. Keep present simple 'are' for general statements.

× Uh, it's not like Istanbul, Istanbul has too many up and downs and hills, so it's not convenient.

✓ It's not like Istanbul; Istanbul has too many ups and downs and hills, so it's not convenient for cycling.

Use 'ups and downs' (plural compound) rather than 'up and downs.' Add a semicolon or period to separate clauses. Specify 'for cycling' to clarify what is not convenient. This fixes awkward phrasing and adds necessary prepositional context.

× Uh, although Istanbul is not a convenient for.

✓ Although Istanbul is not convenient for cycling.

The original sentence ends abruptly and uses the article 'a' incorrectly before 'convenient.' 'Convenient' is an adjective that needs a prepositional phrase to show purpose: 'convenient for cycling.' Complete the clause to make the sentence grammatical.