Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Improve vocabulary by replacing informal phrases like “run out bike” with a clearer description (e.g., “worn-out bike” or “old bike”), and show rather than tell feelings with a brief example.

例: Yes — I had an old, worn-out bike when I was a child. It didn’t look new, but it was sturdy and I used it every day to visit friends and the park. Because I could ride freely around my neighborhood, I felt excited and independent.

提案: Clarify your main point with a direct topic sentence and use linking words to organize reasons. Correct grammar and choose precise vocabulary (e.g., “bike lanes are often occupied by motorcycles,” “not optimal for commuting”). Provide one specific example or consequence to make the answer concrete.

例: I don’t think bicycles are very popular in my country. For example, many bike lanes are occupied by motorcycles, so it’s unsafe and inconvenient to cycle. As a result, most people prefer motorcycles or public transport for daily commuting.

× It was a run out bike though, but it did the job.

✓ It was a rundown bike, though, but it did the job.

The original phrase 'run out bike' is incorrect word formation; the intended adjective is 'rundown' (a compound adjective) to describe something in poor condition. Use 'rundown' before the noun. Also add commas for clarity.

× When I was using it I felt joy.

✓ When I used it, I felt joy.

The progressive past 'was using' is unnecessary for a habitual or single past action here. The simple past 'used' is more natural. Add a comma after the dependent clause for correct punctuation.

× Bikes are are not that popular in my country because some streets like bike lanes and they are often occupied by motorcycles instead.

✓ Bikes are not that popular in my country because some streets do not have bike lanes, and existing lanes are often occupied by motorcycles instead.

There are multiple issues: duplicate 'are are' is a typo; 'some streets like bike lanes' is incorrect phrasing and pronoun/reference — use 'do not have bike lanes' to express absence. Also clarify that 'existing lanes' are occupied. This fixes pronoun/reference and sentence clarity.

× So it is not that optimal to use bikes for transportation whether they use public.

✓ So it is not very practical to use bikes for transportation, especially when people use public transport.

The original sentence has unclear structure and incorrect connector 'whether they use public.' Replace with 'especially when people use public transport' to convey the contrast. Also change 'that optimal' to the more idiomatic 'very practical.'