Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct, coherent and relevant. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No or brief statement), avoid contradictions and filler words, and keep to 2–4 concise sentences. Give specific supporting details (age, reason parents refused, when you started riding, how you felt). Use linking words (because, so, then) and correct phrases (e.g., “too young to ride,” not “too young to eat”).

例: I didn’t have a bike when I was very young because my parents thought I was too young to ride safely. However, when I was about eight they bought me a bicycle, and I used to cycle every morning with my brother. I enjoyed those rides because they gave me confidence and kept me active.

提案: Provide a clear opinion first (Yes or No) and justify it with specific reasons and examples. Avoid repetition and fillers. Use linking words (however, because, for example) and precise vocabulary (bicycle, motorcycle, car, public transport). Explain what you mean by “popular” (used daily, seen often) and give a brief comparison or example to support your view.

例: I don’t think bicycles are very popular in my country because most people prefer motorcycles and cars for daily travel. For example, in my city many families own a motorcycle or car, and cycling is usually limited to parks or leisure. However, cycling is slowly gaining interest because of new bike lanes in some neighborhoods.

× I wish I had a bike when I was a child because my parents, but my parents, uh, didn't allow me to ride a bike because I was too young to eat.

✓ I wished I had a bike when I was a child, but my parents didn't allow me to ride one because they thought I was too young.

The original has sentence structure problems and unclear phrase 'too young to eat'. Use past tense 'wished' to match 'when I was a child' and connect clauses with 'but'. Replace repetition and incorrect phrase with 'they thought I was too young' for clarity. Avoid filler words like 'uh'. Suggestion: Keep past-time reference consistent and remove redundant words.

× That's why I have only bicycles that I uh, cycle every morning with my brother.

✓ That's why I only had a bicycle that I cycled every morning with my brother.

Context refers to childhood, so verbs should be in the past tense rather than present participle. Change 'have' to 'had' and 'cycle' to past 'cycled'. Also use singular 'a bicycle' if only one was owned and remove filler 'uh'. Suggestion: Match verb tense to the time frame described.

× But it was also really good.

✓ But that was also really good.

Pronoun reference is clearer with 'that' referring back to riding or cycling. The original sentence is grammatically acceptable but improving reference avoids ambiguity. Suggestion: Use clear referents for pronouns.

× I think no, because, uh, when people saw, uh, bikes in my country, uh, they were all like surprised while, uh, he had a bike.

✓ I don't think so, because when people in my country see bicycles, they are usually surprised if someone has one.

The original mixes tenses and uses informal fillers and awkward phrasing. Use present tense 'don't think' to answer current opinion. Use 'see' and 'are surprised' for general present statements. Replace 'he had a bike' with 'someone has one' to be general and correct. Suggestion: Avoid fillers and keep consistent present tense for general opinions.

× Because in our country, bicycles and cars are more popular than bikes because, uh, uh, bikes are.

✓ In our country, bicycles and cars are more popular than motorcycles or motorbikes.

The original sentence is repetitive and ends incomplete 'bikes are.' It also misuses 'bicycles' and 'bikes' interchangeably causing confusion. Clarify the comparison by specifying the other vehicle type (motorcycles) if intended. Remove redundant 'because' and fillers. Suggestion: State the comparison clearly and avoid repeating synonyms; ensure sentence completes the comparison.