Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical. Start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you had a bike, then give one or two specific supporting details (how you used it, who you rode with, or a short memorable example). Use linking words (for example, because, so) and avoid filler sounds like “uh.” Keep to under five sentences.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. I rode it to primary and secondary school every day because it was faster than walking. Sometimes my friends and I would cycle together after classes to the park, which was great exercise and fun.

提案: Give a clear opinion first, then support it with specific reasons or examples. Use smoother phrasing and linking words like “because,” “for example,” or “also.” Avoid disfluent fragments and end politely without irrelevant words like “bye bye.”

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. Many young people use them for daily transport because they are cheap and convenient in traffic, and for example, students often cycle to school or meet up with friends at local cafés.

× Hi, I have a bike in my childhood it has a bicycle every day when I was going to my uh school, primary, elementary and secondary school, I used to go to uh school by my bicycle and sometimes I.

✓ Hi, I had a bike in my childhood. I rode it every day when I was going to primary, elementary and secondary school; I used to go to school by bicycle, and sometimes I...

The original sentence mixes present tense ('I have') with past time reference ('in my childhood', 'when I was'), so use past tense 'had' to match the time frame (Grammar Problem Type ID 6). Also 'has a bicycle every day' is incorrect for habitual past action; use 'rode it every day' or 'used to ride it every day'. Split the run-on into shorter sentences or use appropriate punctuation to improve clarity (Sentence structure error relates but only tense corrections applied). Suggestion: consistently use past tense when referring to past habits and separate ideas with punctuation.

× Yes, in my country, biker pupils, most of the young generation, are used to, uh, use the bikes for their communic, uh, transportations. And also sometimes they hang out. Bye bye.

✓ Yes, in my country most young people are used to using bikes for their commuting and transportation. They also sometimes hang out on their bikes.

The phrase 'most of the young generation' is awkward; use 'most young people' (Grammar Problem Type ID 14). 'Are used to, uh, use' is incorrect: after 'used to' when meaning accustomed to, follow with a gerund 'using' (Grammar Problem Type ID 8). 'Communic, uh, transportations' is incorrect word choice and pluralization; use 'commuting' or 'transportation' (Grammar Problem Type ID 13 and 1). Also 'hang out' is fine but clarify 'on their bikes'. Suggestions: replace 'most of the young generation' with 'most young people', use 'are used to using', and use 'commuting' for daily travel.