Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use past tense consistently. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes, I did), then give 2–3 specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar (past tense), avoid repetition, and finish with a short concluding remark. Limit to 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I did. My father bought me a red bicycle for my sixth birthday, and I used to ride it every afternoon around our neighborhood. I especially remember learning to balance on a quiet street near our house, which made me feel very proud.

提案: Give a clear opinion first, then provide specific reasons and an example. Use correct grammar and avoid repeating words (e.g., 'convenient' twice). Use linking words like 'because' or 'because of' to connect ideas. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I think bikes are quite popular in the Philippines because they are affordable and useful for short trips. For example, many people use motorbikes and bicycles to commute to work or to transport small goods in crowded cities.

× Yes, I do have a bike where I had a bike when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

The sentence incorrectly mixes present tense 'do have' with past context 'when I was a child'. Use past tense 'had' to match the time frame. Also remove the redundant clause 'where I had a bike'. Suggestion: use simple past for possession in the past: 'I had a bike.'

× My father bought it for me for my 6th birthday.

✓ My father bought it for me for my sixth birthday.

The verb 'bought' is correct past tense, but the numeral should be written as a word in formal writing; this is a stylistic suggestion rather than a grammar rule. Use 'sixth' instead of '6th' for consistency. No tense change needed.

× I remember riding that bike around or around our neighborhood during afternoon.

✓ I remember riding that bike around our neighborhood in the afternoons.

The original repeats 'around' and misplaces the time expression 'during afternoon'. Place the time expression after the noun and use the article 'the' and plural 'afternoons' or use 'in the afternoon' for a singular occasion. Also remove the duplicated 'around'.

× And another memorable.

✓ That is another memorable memory.

This fragment lacks a verb and is incomplete. Provide a full clause such as 'That is another memorable memory' or better, 'That is another memorable moment.' Ensure each sentence has a subject and verb.

× Personally, I think that bikes are my are popular in my country Philippines since it is not only used for leisure time but it also a convenient and convenient way of public transportation.

✓ Personally, I think that bikes are popular in my country, the Philippines, since they are not only used for leisure but also are a convenient form of public transportation.

Multiple issues: redundant 'my are', incorrect pronoun agreement and number ('it' should be 'they' for plural 'bikes'), repetition 'convenient and convenient', and article/location punctuation missing. Use plural pronouns to agree with 'bikes', remove repetition, and use 'form of public transportation' for clarity. Also add commas and 'the' before 'Philippines'.