Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar, and organise your answer with a clear topic sentence and one or two supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and stay within 3–4 sentences. Also correct mistakes like "got so overprotective me" and "was able to learn at all."

例: No, I didn’t have a bike as a child. My grandfather didn’t allow me to ride because he was worried I might have an accident, so my family were quite overprotective. As a result, I never really learned to cycle when I was young.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, use correct vocabulary and smoother linking words, and provide a specific reason or example. Fix redundancies (e.g., "transport transportation", "so therefore", "bike makes having a bike"). Keep it to 2–3 clear sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in the Philippines. Because public transport can be limited and congested, many people use bicycles for short trips and commuting; for example, students and market vendors often cycle to save time and money.

× I did not have a bike when I was a child because my grandfather wouldn't allow me to ride a bike because he was afraid that I might get into an accident.

✓ I did not have a bike when I was a child because my grandfather would not allow me to ride one; he was afraid I might get into an accident.

The original sentence is mostly correct in tense, but it repeats 'because' and 'bike' unnecessarily and uses contraction 'wouldn't' which is acceptable; however, for clarity and naturalness use 'would not' or keep contraction consistently and replace the repeated noun with a pronoun. Also join clauses with a semicolon or conjunction to avoid a run-on feel. Tense remains past (did not have, would not allow, was afraid, might) which is consistent.

× You know, my family got so overprotective me.

✓ You know, my family became so overprotective of me.

The original sentence is missing the preposition 'of' after 'overprotective' and uses 'got' which is informal; the verb 'became' is more appropriate. This is a sentence structure and preposition error: 'overprotective' requires 'of' when indicating the person affected.

× So that's why I was able to learn at all.

✓ So I was not able to learn at all.

The original sentence contradicts the intended meaning given context (overprotective prevented learning). The structure 'that's why I was able to learn at all' is incorrect. Replace with 'I was not able to learn at all' to convey inability. This fixes logical and structural error.

× In the Philippines, bikes are really popular because we have limited transport transportation options and so therefore bike makes having a bike makes a lot easier.

✓ In the Philippines, bikes are really popular because we have limited transportation options, so having a bike makes life much easier.

Original has redundancy ('transport transportation'), incorrect word order and repetition ('bike makes having a bike makes'), and awkward phrasing. Use present tense 'are', 'have', and 'makes' consistently. Replace 'transportation options' and rephrase to 'having a bike makes life much easier' for clarity and natural collocation. Remove redundant connectors 'and so therefore'.