Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar, reduce redundancy, and organize into a clear topic sentence plus one or two supporting details. Use past tense correctly ("I had" not "I was have"). Replace vague phrases like "I saw a glide for my father" with a clear description of your reaction. Keep to 2–4 sentences and use linking words (for example, "because" or "so") to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. It was a gift from my father, and I remember being very surprised and excited because I hadn’t expected it. I rode it every day around our neighborhood, which made me feel happier and more independent.

提案: Avoid overgeneralization and hesitations. Start with a clear topic sentence and support it with a reason and a brief example. Use present tense and correct subject-verb agreement ("is a wealthy country," "many people have cars"). Remove fillers like "uh" and avoid repeating words ("bicycles or bike").

例: I don't think bikes are very popular in my country because it is relatively wealthy and most families own cars. As a result, you rarely see people cycling in cities, although bicycles are more common in parks and among children.

× Yes, I was have a bike.

✓ Yes, I had a bike.

The sentence uses an incorrect auxiliary 'was' with the main verb 'have'. This is a sentence structure error (past simple should be formed with the past form 'had' without 'was'). Use the past simple 'had' to describe possession in the past. Suggestion: remove 'was' and use 'had'.

× I was so surprised and exciting for the special gift.

✓ I was so surprised and excited by the special gift.

The original uses the adjective 'exciting' (which describes something that causes excitement) instead of 'excited' (which describes the person's feeling), and uses the preposition 'for' incorrectly. This is an adjective choice error combined with preposition misuse. Use 'excited' to describe the student's feeling and 'by' to indicate the cause. Suggestion: use 'surprised and excited by'.

× Uh, I was a happier child and I saw a glide for my father.

✓ Uh, I was a happy child and I felt glad for my father.

The sentence has multiple problems: 'happier' compares without a reference (comparative not needed) and 'saw a glide' is incorrect word choice. This is a present/past tense and word choice issue; here the student should use 'was a happy child' (simple past description) and 'felt glad for my father' to express gratitude or happiness about him. Suggestion: use 'was a happy child' and 'felt glad for my father'.

× No, I don't think that because, uh, my country is a luxurious country, so everyone had a car and uh, never seen uh, bicycles or bike in my country, so yeah.

✓ No, I don't think so because my country is wealthy, so almost everyone has a car and you rarely see bicycles there.

Multiple tense and word choice errors: 'don't think that' is awkward—use 'don't think so'; 'luxurious country' is unnatural for country description—use 'wealthy'; 'everyone had a car' wrongly uses past tense—should be present 'has' for a general truth; 'never seen bicycles' lacks subject and uses present perfect incorrectly—use 'you rarely see bicycles there' or 'people rarely see bicycles'. This combines present tense and sentence structure corrections. Suggestion: use present simple for general facts, replace awkward vocabulary, and include a subject for visibility statements.