Sharing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition (mother/mom), fix grammar (e.g., "when I was in primary school"). Add a brief specific example of an incident to support the statement. Keep to a maximum of 4–5 sentences.

例: Yes. When I was in primary school my mother encouraged me to share snacks with classmates. For example, I often gave my homemade cookies to new students so they felt welcome, which helped me make friends quickly.

提案: Reduce hesitation words (uh), combine sentences for fluency, and use more specific vocabulary (e.g., "treats" or "homemade snacks"). Explain briefly why you share good news and give a short example to make the answer more concrete.

例: I usually share snacks like homemade cookies or fruit with friends and family. I also tell my closest friends my good news first because they celebrate with me and offer encouragement — for instance, I told my friend when I got a promotion and she organised a small celebration.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and avoid awkward phrasing ("be secret about that"). Explain with a specific example what counts as private information and why it's not suitable to share. Use linking words like 'for example' or 'because' for coherence.

例: I try not to share private information, such as financial details or personal passwords, because it could harm my privacy. For example, I never give out my bank details or personal messages even to casual acquaintances.

提案: Remove filler words and make the answer grammatically correct ("shared my clothes with my best friend"). Be specific about what you shared and why — describe the item and the friend's reaction to show impact. Limit to 3–4 concise sentences.

例: Yes. Last week I lent a dress I love to my best friend and told her about the boutique where I bought it. She loved it and it led to us shopping together, which brought us closer.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence and correct grammar ("my husband always encourages me"; "he always admires me"). Briefly explain why he is your first choice with a specific example of encouragement to make it vivid.

例: I usually tell my husband first because he always encourages me to try new things and supports my decisions. For example, when I was unsure about taking a course, he reassured me and helped me enrol.

提案: Be more concise and natural: avoid 'well' and repetitive phrasing. Use a clear topic sentence and give a specific example of a concern you shared and the kind of feedback you received. Use linking words like 'because' and 'for example' to connect ideas.

例: I usually share personal concerns with friends because they listen and give constructive advice. For example, I told a friend about my job search and she helped me rewrite my CV and stayed patient while I made decisions.

× I remember the one, I was a child in primary school.

✓ I remember when I was a child in primary school.

Original sentence uses 'the one' incorrectly; this is not a singular/plural issue but a sentence structure error. However following list, treat as singular/plural related replacement: 'the one' is unnecessary and ungrammatical here. Use 'when' to connect the clause. Suggestion: say 'I remember when I was a child in primary school.'

× My mother always taught me to share my snacks with my friends because my mom said it can help us to close the relationship and maintain the friendship.

✓ My mother always taught me to share my snacks with my friends because she said it could help us build closer relationships and maintain friendships.

The sentence repeats 'mother' and 'mom' awkwardly and uses pronouns and verb forms incorrectly. Replace 'my mom' with 'she' to avoid repetition. Use 'could' (past reported speech) not 'can'. Use 'build closer relationships' instead of 'close the relationship' and plural 'friendships' to be natural.

× I prefer to share, uh, snacks with my friends and families.

✓ I prefer to share snacks with my friends and family.

Use 'family' as a collective noun, not 'families' when referring to one's relatives. Remove filler 'uh' and extra commas. 'Friends and family' is the natural collocation.

× And sometimes I also, uh, would like to share, uh, good news with my best friends because, uh, I think it's a process to share happiness with others.

✓ Sometimes I also like to share good news with my best friends because I think sharing happiness with others is important.

Avoid unnecessary 'would' here; simple present 'like' fits habitual action. Remove filler words. Rephrase 'it's a process to share happiness' to 'sharing happiness with others is important' for clarity.

× From my own habit, I don't like sharing private information with others.

✓ Out of habit, I don't like sharing private information with others.

'From my own habit' is unidiomatic; use 'out of habit' or 'by habit'. This is categorized as reflexive/pronoun-related phrasing issue per list.

× I think we should keep it in our mind and be secret about that instead of sharing it.

✓ I think we should keep it in mind and keep it secret instead of sharing it.

Use 'keep it in mind' not 'keep it in our mind'. 'Be secret about that' is ungrammatical; use 'keep it secret'. Consistent pronoun 'it' is clearer.

× Uh, last week I shared my, uh, beautiful clothes to my best friend and also recommended the store that I bought it.

✓ Last week I gave my beautiful clothes to my best friend and also recommended the store where I bought them.

Use past simple 'gave' is more natural than 'shared' for giving clothes. Use preposition 'to' correctly with 'gave'. 'The store that I bought it' is incorrect: use 'the store where I bought them' and match plural pronoun 'them' to 'clothes'.

× I think it can help us close the relationship.

✓ I think it can help us become closer.

'Close the relationship' is unnatural. Use 'become closer' or 'strengthen our relationship'. This fixes pronoun and verb phrase usage.

× I prefer to share good news with my husband because my husband always encourage me to do something new and he always admire me about everything so I would like to share it to him.

✓ I prefer to share good news with my husband because he always encourages me to try new things and admires me, so I would like to share them with him.

Third-person singular verbs require an -s: 'encourages' and 'admires'. Replace repeated 'my husband' with 'he'. Use 'try new things' instead of 'do something new'. Use 'share them with him' not 'share it to him' and match plural 'news' treated as plural 'them' or keep 'news' singular and use 'share it with him'.

× Well, I prefer to share my recent concerns with my friends because my friends can listen to me and give some comments on the concerns and besides that they also can be patient with me.

✓ I prefer to share my recent concerns with my friends because they can listen to me, give me feedback on my concerns, and be patient with me.

Avoid repeating 'my friends' and use 'give me feedback' or 'comments' not 'give some comments on the concerns'. 'Besides that' is wordy; combine with coordinators. This is categorized under quantifier/word choice errors.