Mirrors— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid fillers (umm, like). Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one or two specific reasons with a linking word. Aim to keep it within 3–4 sentences and correct small grammar slips (e.g., "used to how I look" → "used to how I look in them").

例: Not really. I rarely look at mirrors outside my home because I’m used to the one in my room and other mirrors often show me differently. For example, public mirrors can be distorted or have different lighting, so I only check myself occasionally when it’s necessary.

提案: Provide a clear direct answer first, then give two concise, specific details. Remove vague words like "stuff" and fillers (uh). Mention exact reasons or examples for clarity. Fix small grammar: "the ones that the pocket mirrors" → "pocket mirrors" and "put the decor" → "did the decorating".

例: I haven’t bought large mirrors, but I do own a pocket mirror. I carry it to check my makeup and hair when I’m out, and I rarely buy bigger mirrors because my father does the decorating at home.

提案: Answer directly and shorten long sentences. Replace repetitive phrases ("got my car and I got my driver, my driving license") with one clear phrase. Use a linking word to show the change (e.g., "but" or "so").

例: I used to, but not anymore. After I started driving, the car’s mirrors were sufficient, so I stopped carrying a pocket mirror.

提案: Give a direct opinion first, then one clear reason with a specific example. Avoid hesitation and unclear words like "petify" (unclear meaning). Choose a precise word (e.g., "distort" or "flatter"). Keep it to 2–3 sentences and check grammar ("the ones that show the true you").

例: I wouldn’t put many mirrors in my bedroom, but I would choose one good-quality mirror. Poor-quality mirrors can distort or overly flatter your appearance, so I prefer a clear, accurate reflection.

× No, I don't like to look at myself in the mirror, especially the mirrors outside my home. Like I am familiar with the mirror inside my room, but the mirrors I found in the outside world, umm, can be very different. And I'm not used to to how I look in these mirrors so it's not that often but.

✓ No, I don't like looking at myself in mirrors, especially mirrors outside my home. I am familiar with the mirror inside my room, but the mirrors I find in the outside world can be very different. I'm not used to how I look in those mirrors, so I don't look in them very often.

Issues: unnecessary repetition 'to to' and incorrect verb tense/consistency ('found' should be 'find' for general statement). Use of 'the mirrors outside my home' is wordy; 'in mirrors' is more natural. 'I'm not used to how I look' uses correct 'be used to' + noun/clause. Suggestion: remove duplicate words, use present simple for habitual/general situations, and use consistent pronouns ('those mirrors').

× I never bought enormous mirrors like the ones that put inside bedrooms, but I did buy the ones that the pocket mirrors because I like to keep one with me in order to check my makeup and my hair and stuff.

✓ I never bought enormous mirrors like the ones put inside bedrooms, but I did buy pocket mirrors because I like to keep one with me to check my makeup and hair.

Issues: unnecessary definite articles ('the pocket mirrors'), incorrect word order ('the ones that put inside bedrooms' should be passive or reduced relative clause). Tighten phrasing: use 'pocket mirrors' without 'the' and 'to check my makeup and hair' instead of 'in order to' for natural speech. Use reduced relative clause 'the ones put inside bedrooms' or 'the ones that are put inside bedrooms'.

× But other than that, I never really bought anything because my dad was the one who actually, uh, put the decor for my household.

✓ Other than that, I never really bought anything because my dad was the one who actually did the decorating for our household.

Issues: 'put the decor' is unnatural collocation; use 'did the decorating' or 'handled the decor'. 'My household' is awkward; 'our household' sounds more natural if referring to family home. Keep past tense 'was' and align the verb phrase to past ('did the decorating').

× I used to take a pocket mirror with me whenever I'm going out until I got my car and I got my driver, my driving license and I started to engage more with my mirrors inside my car and they were enough for me to be honest and I felt that there is no need to bring a pocket mirror.

✓ I used to take a pocket mirror with me whenever I went out until I got my car and my driving license, and I started using the mirrors inside my car, which were enough for me. I felt there was no need to bring a pocket mirror.

Issues: tense inconsistency ('used to' requires past tense 'went out' not 'I'm going out'). Redundant words 'my driver, my driving license' should be 'my driving license' or 'my driver's license'. 'Engage with my mirrors' is unnatural; use 'using the mirrors'. Use past tense consistently and split into shorter sentences for clarity.

× I don't like the idea of many mirrors, especially inside the bedroom, but I do prefer high quality mirrors, the ones that show the true you instead of reflecting just a beautiful version of you.

✓ I don't like the idea of many mirrors, especially in the bedroom, but I do prefer high-quality mirrors, the ones that show the real you instead of just a more flattering version.

Issues: preposition 'inside the bedroom' -> 'in the bedroom' is more natural. 'High quality' should be hyphenated as 'high-quality' when used as adjective before noun. 'The true you' is acceptable but 'the real you' or 'a more flattering version' is clearer. Remove 'just' placement for smoother phrasing.

× Uh, because some, umm, some mirror surface can be done in a way in order to umm, petify, uh, the human.

✓ Because some mirror surfaces can be designed in a way that petrifies a person.

Issues: singular/plural agreement ('mirror surface' -> 'mirror surfaces'), awkward passive/wording 'can be done in a way in order to' should be 'can be designed in a way that'. Word 'petify' is not standard; likely intended 'petrify' or 'beautify'—context suggests 'petrify' (scare) but meaning unclear; I used 'petrifies a person'. Suggest choosing the intended verb ('beautify' or 'distort') and using correct form.