Advertisement— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically accurate, concise and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct verb forms, articles and pronouns (e.g., "look" → "looked", "the ice cream" not repeated unnecessarily). Avoid unfinished phrases and unclear expressions like "you can pulling the."

例: Yes. One advertisement that impressed me as a child was for a novelty ice cream. It looked like a banana but was actually made of jelly and vanilla ice cream, so it felt fun and unusual. Because it combined two textures, I remember wanting to try it immediately.

提案: Organize your response with a clear contrast statement and correct grammar. Use linking words for comparison (e.g., "whereas", "in contrast"). Avoid unclear words like "Dome" and vague phrases such as "on the left." Be specific about examples and use proper articles and plurals.

例: Yes. In China, advertisements were everywhere on trains and buses, whereas in New Zealand there are far fewer ads on public transport. For example, I used to see full-window posters and seat-back ads in China, but in New Zealand I hardly notice any posters on trams or buses.

提案: Start with a clear opinion sentence, then explain briefly with specific reasons and a linking word (e.g., "because"). Correct noun-verb agreement and word choice (e.g., "advertisements tend to emphasize advantages and hide disadvantages, which can mislead consumers"). Avoid hesitations and long clumsy phrases.

例: No, I don't. I find advertisements misleading because they usually highlight a product's benefits and hide its drawbacks, which can cause consumers to make poor choices.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence and give one precise example. Use correct grammar and phrasing (e.g., "advertisements that present both advantages and disadvantages"). Avoid repetition and contradictory phrasing. Clarify the example to show how the information influences your decision.

例: I prefer advertisements that present both advantages and disadvantages so I can decide whether a product suits me. For example, if a phone advert mentions limited battery life but I value camera quality, I can choose whether the trade-off is acceptable.

提案: Be concise and use accurate collocations (e.g., "on YouTube", "before the video starts"). Use linking words to give two short examples. Remove fillers like "uh" and correct verb forms and articles.

例: Yes, I do. For example, on YouTube I often see several ads before a video starts, and many apps show full-screen ads or pop-ups before I can use them.

× Yes there is. When I was a child there was an advertisement about the ice cream.

✓ Yes, there was. When I was a child, there was an advertisement for an ice cream.

Use of 'there is' is present tense but context is past. Change to 'there was'. Also use preposition 'for' with 'advertisement' and include articles and commas for clarity.

× The ice cream is look so nice.

✓ The ice cream looked so nice.

Mixing present 'is' with base verb 'look' is incorrect. Use past tense 'looked' to match 'when I was a child' context.

× It's like a banana, but it was made of Jelly and vanilla ice cream, which is really fine because you can pulling the.

✓ It looked like a banana, but it was made of jelly and vanilla ice cream, which was really nice because you could pull it apart.

Multiple issues: tense consistency (use past 'looked'), capitalization ('jelly' lowercase), awkward clause 'you can pulling the'—use modal + base verb 'could pull' and include object 'it apart'. Also 'nice' fits better than 'fine' in this context.

× When I was in China's advertisement is like all around me.

✓ When I was in China, advertisements were all around me.

Use country name without possessive 'China's' and plural 'advertisements' for general reference. Also match past tense 'were' and add comma after introductory clause.

× I can see it on the trains, on the bus, even on the left.

✓ I could see them on trains, on buses, even on the street sides.

Maintain past perspective ('could'). Use plural 'them' to refer to advertisements. 'Left' is unclear; likely meant 'street' or 'sides'. Use plural nouns for general locations.

× But when I came to New Zealand, their Dome is not similar.

✓ But when I came to New Zealand, the situation was different.

'Their Dome is not similar' is unclear and incorrect. Use 'the situation was different' to express contrast; keep past tense.

× It's quite hard to find any advertisement in the transport, transportation, public transport.

✓ It's quite hard to find any advertisements on public transport.

Use plural 'advertisements' for general countable items, and prefer 'on public transport' as the correct prepositional phrase.

× No, I don't because I think advertisement will just show the advantage about the products and it will disappear many disadvantages which will umm misleading the consumer to do the wrong choice.

✓ No, I don't, because I think advertisements only show the advantages of products and omit many disadvantages, which can mislead consumers into making the wrong choice.

Pluralize 'advertisement' to 'advertisements', use 'only show' instead of 'will just show', 'advantages of' not 'about', 'omit' instead of 'disappear', and 'can mislead consumers into making' for correct modal and verb patterns.

× I prefer the advertising about both advantage and disadvantage, which make me can make a right choice.

✓ I prefer advertising that shows both advantages and disadvantages, which helps me make the right choice.

Use 'advertising that shows' instead of 'about', plural 'advantages and disadvantages', 'helps me make' corrects ungrammatical 'make me can make'.

× For example, if the products show the disadvantage but I can't accept it, so that will be my first choice.

✓ For example, if a product shows a disadvantage that I cannot accept, I will not choose it.

Use singular or general 'a product' and 'a disadvantage', avoid 'so that will be my first choice' which contradicts meaning; clarify intent: if unacceptable, won't choose it.

× Yes I do. For example when I watch some video show use by YouTube, they always have many advertisements uh before the video start.

✓ Yes, I do. For example, when I watch videos on YouTube, there are always many advertisements before the video starts.

Use 'watch videos on YouTube' instead of 'video show use by YouTube', 'there are' for existence, and 'video starts' for third person singular present.

× And when I use any other apps there also have many ads page before I can use it.

✓ And when I use other apps, there are also many ad pages before I can use them.

Use plural 'apps' and 'them' consistently, 'there are' for existence, 'ad pages' or 'ads' and commas for clarity.