Money— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy, clarity and coherence. Begin with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (e.g., articles and plural forms), and avoid redundancy. Use a linking word to connect the brief general statement to the specific example, and keep the response within 3–4 concise sentences. Also replace vague phrases (‘out awkwardness’) with precise language.

例: I rarely borrow money from friends because I prefer to pay my own way. However, once on a trip the restaurant only accepted cash, and only one friend had any cash, so we had to borrow a small amount from her. We repaid her immediately the same day.

提案: Make the answer more natural and concise. Start with a direct topic sentence, correct unnecessary articles (‘the others’ → ‘others’), and provide a brief reason with a linking word. Avoid speculative phrases like ‘I think there’s a reason why’—state the reason directly. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: No, I don’t lend money to others because I’m a student and I don’t have much spare cash. For that reason, my friends rarely ask me to lend them money.

× Actually, I rarely borrow money from friends because I prefer to pay my own way and avoid out awkwardness.

✓ Actually, I rarely borrow money from friends because I prefer to pay my own way and avoid awkwardness.

The phrase 'out awkwardness' is incorrect; 'out' is an unnecessary word here and 'awkwardness' should stand alone. Remove 'out' to correct the pronoun/word usage and make the sentence fluent. Also note this fixes a word choice error rather than a pronoun form error, but it fits under incorrect use of pronouns/words in context.

× Once during a trip the restaurant only accepted cash and only one of my friend had the cash, so we need to borrow some money from her.

✓ Once during a trip the restaurant only accepted cash and only one of my friends had cash, so we needed to borrow some money from her.

'One of my friend' should be 'one of my friends' because 'one of' requires a plural noun after it. Also tense consistency: narrative about a past trip requires past tense 'needed' rather than 'need'. Removed the second 'the' before 'cash' and changed 'the cash' to 'cash' for natural phrasing.

× Of course we pay her back as soon as possible.

✓ Of course we paid her back as soon as possible.

This sentence refers to a past event (the trip) so the verb should be in the past tense: 'paid' instead of 'pay'. Also 'as soon as possible' describes how quickly you repaid at that time; keeping past tense maintains consistency.

× Well, to be honest, I never lend money to the others because right now I'm still a student and I don't have the financial ability, so I think there's a reason why they don't ask me for money.

✓ Well, to be honest, I never lend money to others because right now I'm still a student and I don't have the financial means, so I think that's why they don't ask me for money.

'The others' is incorrect in this general statement; use 'others' without 'the'. 'Financial ability' is awkward; the idiomatic phrase is 'financial means'. Also improve the clause 'so I think there's a reason why they don't ask me for money' to the more natural 'so I think that's why they don't ask me for money' for clarity and concision.