Money— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid vague phrases like "basically" and correct verb forms and prepositions (e.g. "for my academic session" → "for my tuition" or "for my studies", "all for my accommodation bills" → "mainly to pay my accommodation"). Use a linking word to connect the general statement and the example (for example / however).

例: I usually avoid borrowing money from others. However, I have borrowed from my parents to pay for my tuition and accommodation while I was studying at university.

提案: Improve grammar, tense consistency and clarity. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give a specific example with proper tense and concise wording. Replace incorrect verb forms ("had lend" → "have lent" or "lent") and remove redundant words ("out of money out of"). Use a linking word to introduce the example (for instance / once). Also avoid over-explaining feelings; be specific about frequency and one clear occasion.

例: Yes, I have lent money several times because I find it hard to refuse friends and family. For instance, I lent my cousin money last year so she could buy a car when she was short of cash.

× Basically I don't like to borrow anything from others, mainly money, but I have borrowed money from my parents for my academic session and all for my accommodation bills.

✓ Basically I don't like to borrow anything from others, especially money, but I have borrowed money from my parents for my academic term, mainly to cover my accommodation bills.

The original mixes 'mainly' and 'all for' awkwardly; 'mainly' and 'especially' are more appropriate to emphasize money. 'Academic session and all' is informal and unclear; 'academic term' or 'academic year' is clearer. Also clarify purpose with 'to cover my accommodation bills'. Maintain present perfect 'have borrowed' to indicate past actions with present relevance.

× Yes, various times I had lend money to others because I am a person who likes to share and I can't refuse anyone.

✓ Yes, several times I have lent money to others because I am a person who likes to share and I can't refuse anyone.

The verb phrase 'had lend' is incorrect. Use present perfect 'have lent' to describe repeated past actions with present relevance. 'Various times' is awkward; 'several times' is more natural. 'Lend' should be in past participle 'lent' after have/had.

× I'll just lend it money to my cousin for her car because she was out of money out of.

✓ I lent money to my cousin for her car because she ran out of money.

The sentence mixes future 'I'll' with a past reason 'she was out of money'; context implies a past event, so use simple past 'I lent'. 'Lend it money' is ungrammatical; use 'lent money'. 'Out of money out of' is redundant; use 'ran out of money' or 'was out of money'.