Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “I work and also study”), correct grammar (help -> helps; offer -> pay for), and avoid redundancy. Provide one or two specific supporting details using linking words (e.g., “for example” or “also”). Keep to under five sentences.

예시: I work while I study. For example, I work on weekends and during summer to pay for my school fees. This job also helps me become more independent.

제안: Begin with a clear topic sentence naming the place (e.g., “I usually work in a café”). Fix grammar and word choice (coffee -> a café; offered -> offers; warehouse needs article; long days -> long hours; it's pay me -> it pays me). Use linking words to contrast seasonal work.

예시: I usually work in a café during the school year, which only asks me to work two days a week. However, in the summer I work in a warehouse because it pays more and I work longer hours.

제안: State your opinion clearly and give specific reasons. Remove filler words (uh) and correct phrasing (good weather? perhaps pleasant atmosphere; help people to communicate better -> helps staff improve communication). Provide a complete supporting sentence and avoid trailing off.

예시: Yes, I think it is a good place to work because the atmosphere is friendly and the shift patterns are comfortable. For example, I have three close colleagues who are very kind, and working with them has improved my communication skills.

제안: Answer directly and organize details logically. Fix grammar (lots of friends; it is behind the beach; in summer I can swim). Remove hesitations and be specific about activities. Keep sentences short and coherent using linking words like “also” or “after work”.

예시: Yes, I like it because I have many friends there and the café is right behind the beach. After work I often go to the beach to swim, eat, and relax in nature.

제안: Begin with a clear statement of your career goal (e.g., “I want to become a chemical engineer” or “a chemist”). Use correct grammar (an engineering chemistry -> a chemical engineer; I love -> I loved; I study now chemistry -> I am studying chemistry). Give one concise reason and a current action showing commitment.

예시: I want to become a chemical engineer. I have loved molecules and how substances change since I was a child, so I am currently studying chemistry and hope to work in research or industry in the future.

× Yes, I work because it's helps me to offer the money to the school and give me advantage to be more independent.

✓ Yes, I work because it helps me to pay for school and gives me the advantage of being more independent.

Pronoun 'it' was followed by incorrect contraction 'it's' and wrong verb agreements. Use 'it helps' (third person singular) not 'it's helps'. 'Offer the money to the school' is unnatural; use 'pay for school'. 'Give me advantage' should be 'gives me the advantage of being' to match grammatical structure and use gerund after 'of'. Improve by checking subject-verb agreement and common collocations like 'pay for school' and 'advantage of being'.

× For example, I work in weekends and the summer vacation.

✓ For example, I work on weekends and during the summer vacation.

Prepositions with time need 'on weekends' and 'during the summer vacation'. This is a preposition error and misuse of time expression; 'in weekends' is incorrect. Use 'on' for weekends and 'during' for a period like 'the summer vacation'.

× Usually I work in coffee because it's offered two days a week, but in summer I work in warehouse.

✓ Usually I work at a coffee shop because I'm scheduled for two days a week, but in summer I work in a warehouse.

Use 'at a coffee shop' or 'in a café' rather than 'in coffee'. 'It's offered' is wrong passive/subject — better: 'I'm scheduled' or 'they offer me'. Also 'in warehouse' needs an article: 'in a warehouse'. Correct by choosing proper prepositions and article usage and using active voice for schedules.

× I choose it because I work a long days and it's pay me better.

✓ I choose it because I work long days and it pays me better.

Mix of tenses and agreement: 'work a long days' should be 'work long days' (no 'a' with plural). 'it's pay me' is incorrect: use third person singular 'it pays me' not 'it's pay me'. Keep present simple consistent: 'I choose' could be 'I chose' if referring to past decision; if general habit 'I choose it because' is acceptable but 'I work long days and it pays me better' is correct.

× I believe it's a good place to work because they offer a good, uh, weather and help people to communicate better and, uh, enjoy with their work.

✓ I believe it's a good place to work because they offer good working conditions, help people communicate better, and enjoy their work.

'A good weather' is incorrect: weather is uncountable and doesn't take 'a'. Also 'enjoy with their work' is wrong; say 'enjoy their work'. 'Offer a good weather' should be replaced with specific collocation like 'offer good working conditions' or 'good atmosphere'. Remove filler 'uh' and correct infinitive/verb forms.

× Uh, for example, I have three friends in my work. They very kind and.

✓ For example, I have three friends at work. They are very kind.

'In my work' is unnatural; use 'at work'. The sentence 'They very kind and.' lacks the verb 'are' and is incomplete. Add 'are' for present simple description and complete the sentence. Ensure sentences have verbs.

× Yes, I like it because I have lots of friend and UH is behind the beach.

✓ Yes, I like it because I have lots of friends and it is near the beach.

'Lots of friend' needs plural 'friends'. 'UH is behind the beach' likely meant 'it is near the beach' or 'it's behind the beach' but 'behind the beach' is odd; use 'near the beach' or 'by the beach'. Replace filler 'UH' with 'it is' and correct noun pluralization.

× When I finish my work I can go and stay at the beach and in summer can I? I can swim or eat food and watch nature.

✓ When I finish work I can go to the beach and stay there. In summer I can swim, eat, and enjoy nature.

Original has awkward word order and an unnecessary question 'can I?'. Use clear sequence: 'When I finish work, I can go to the beach and stay there.' Combine activities in a parallel list: 'swim, eat, and enjoy nature.' Also remove redundant 'my' before work and correct verb forms.

× I like to be a engineering chemistry.

✓ I would like to be a chemical engineer.

Incorrect noun forms and word order: 'a engineering chemistry' mixes noun/adjective forms. The correct profession is 'chemical engineer' or 'an engineer in chemistry'. Use article 'a' before a consonant sound but restructure to 'a chemical engineer'. Use conditional 'would like' for future plans.

× I like that because when I was a child I love molecule and transformation.

✓ I like that because when I was a child I loved molecules and chemical transformations.

Tense inconsistency: 'when I was a child' sets a past time, so use past tense 'loved' not 'love'. Also pluralize 'molecule' to 'molecules' and use 'chemical transformations' for clarity. Maintain past tense for past experiences.

× So I study now chemistry and I believe I will be a good chemistry in future.

✓ So I am studying chemistry now and I believe I will be a good chemist in the future.

Use present continuous 'I am studying' for current ongoing action. 'A good chemistry' is wrong; the correct noun for the profession is 'chemist'. Add 'the' in 'in the future'. Maintain appropriate tense and noun forms.