Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (use 'I am a recent graduate' not 'fresh graduate'), and avoid unnecessary words. Mention your status and immediate plan in one or two sentences, and use linking words if needed.

예시: I am a recent graduate. I completed a Bachelor of Science in Nursing and I am currently looking for a nursing position at a reputable hospital in my hometown to begin my clinical career.

제안: Answer directly and correct phrasing: say you are not yet working, then state your intended workplace and role. Reduce filler sounds and correct collocations ('apply for a job', 'reputable hospital', 'use my skills in patient care').

예시: I’m not working yet; I’m a recent graduate. I plan to apply for a job as a registered nurse at a reputable hospital in my hometown where I can use my skills to provide high-quality patient care.

제안: Start with a direct opinion, then give two specific supporting points using linking words (because, for example). Avoid repetition. Be specific about what you learn from seniors.

예시: Yes, it is a very good place to work because I am surrounded by experienced senior nurses who mentor me. For example, they teach me emergency procedures and give constructive feedback, which helps me improve quickly.

제안: Give a clear statement of feeling, then explain with specific reasons and linkers. Reduce hesitations and awkward phrasing ('posted in the emergency ward' is fine). Mention one or two concrete examples of experiences.

예시: Yes, I really like working there because I gain hands-on experience in the emergency ward. For instance, I have managed trauma cases and learned to prioritize treatments quickly, which has boosted my confidence.

제안: Respond with a clear plan: state your short-term and long-term goals, use correct prepositions ('in Canada', 'settle abroad'), and remove fillers. Provide a brief reason why Canada and how you will achieve it.

예시: In the short term, I plan to work as a registered nurse in a reputable hospital in Canada. Ultimately, I hope to settle abroad because of better training opportunities and higher standards of care, so I am preparing by studying for the Canadian nursing licensure exam.

× I am fresh graduate student.

✓ I am a fresh graduate student.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before a singular countable noun. Add 'a' to make the noun phrase grammatically correct. Suggestion: use 'a' with 'fresh graduate student'.

× I have recently passed out my Bachelors of Science in Nursing and currently I am looking forward for a working as a healthcare professor in a reputed hospital in one of my hometown.

✓ I recently graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, and I am currently looking forward to working as a healthcare professional in a reputable hospital in one of my hometowns.

Multiple issues: 'passed out' is an inappropriate literal translation for 'graduated' in English; use simple past or present perfect suitably — 'recently graduated' or 'have recently graduated'. 'Bachelors' should be 'Bachelor' and include 'of' formatting. 'Looking forward for a working' is incorrect collocation: use 'looking forward to working'. 'Healthcare professor' is unlikely in a hospital context; 'healthcare professional' or 'registered nurse' fits better. 'Reputed hospital' should be 'reputable hospital'. 'one of my hometown' needs plural 'hometowns'. Suggestions: use 'graduated', correct degree phrasing, replace 'looking forward for a working' with 'looking forward to working'.

× Umm I am a fresh graduate so I haven't applied for any uh working in any settings umm But I am looking forward to work in one of the reputed hospital of my hometown as a registered nurse to provide the utmost care and reuse my skills to patient care.

✓ I am a fresh graduate, so I haven't applied for any jobs in any settings yet, but I am looking forward to working as a registered nurse in one of the reputable hospitals in my hometown to provide excellent care and apply my skills to patient care.

Problems corrected: 'applied for any uh working' is incorrect — use 'applied for any jobs' or 'applied to work'. 'But' should not be capitalized mid-sentence. 'Looking forward to work' should be 'looking forward to working' (verb + -ing after 'look forward to'). 'One of the reputed hospital' needs plural 'hospitals' and 'reputed' -> 'reputable'. 'provide the utmost care and reuse my skills to patient care' has wrong word choices: 'provide excellent care' and 'apply my skills to patient care'. Suggestions: use 'jobs' or 'positions', 'looking forward to working', and 'apply my skills'.

× They guide me through every step and I learn new things from them.

✓ They guide me through every step, and I learn new things from them.

Sentence needed only a comma before 'and' for readability; grammatically the prepositions are fine. Provided correction adds punctuation for clarity. Suggestion: include a comma before coordinating conjunction joining two independent clauses.

× They even support me in my ups and downs and motivate me to do my best.

✓ They even support me through my ups and downs and motivate me to do my best.

Use 'through' with 'ups and downs' rather than 'in'. 'Through' is the correct preposition for experiencing fluctuating circumstances. Suggestion: use 'support me through my ups and downs'.

× Yes, I love my, uh, the place where I work.

✓ Yes, I love the place where I work.

Redundant use of both 'my' and 'the' together is incorrect. Choose one determiner; 'the place where I work' is natural. Suggestion: remove filler words and use a single determiner.

× It is a very fascinating place to me as I get to, uh, as I get new experiences and exposures of different critical situations from my workplace as I am posted in emergency ward units.

✓ It is a very fascinating place for me because I gain new experiences and exposure to different critical situations at my workplace, as I am posted in the emergency ward units.

Issues: 'to me' -> 'for me' is more natural. 'I get to, uh, as I get' is repetitive; simplify. 'Experiences and exposures' redundant; use 'experiences and exposure'. Use 'exposure to' not 'exposures of'. 'Posted in emergency ward units' -> 'posted in the emergency ward units' or 'in the emergency ward'. Suggestion: use 'gain' or 'get', 'exposure to', and remove repetition.

× So I learned a lot from that.

✓ So I have learned a lot from that.

Present relevance is implied (ongoing learning), so present perfect 'have learned' is more appropriate than simple past 'learned'. Suggestion: use present perfect when the experience affects the present.

× Umm I am looking forward to work as a registered nurse in one of the reputed hospitals uh of Canada as it was my dream to go and settle and abroad umm and to give my utmost care to the patient.

✓ I am looking forward to working as a registered nurse in one of the reputable hospitals in Canada, as it has been my dream to go and settle abroad and to provide the best possible care to patients.

Corrections: 'looking forward to work' -> 'looking forward to working' (verb + -ing). 'Reputed hospitals uh of Canada' -> 'reputable hospitals in Canada'. 'as it was my dream' better as 'as it has been my dream' (present relevance). Remove extra 'and' before 'abroad'. 'Give my utmost care to the patient' -> 'provide the best possible care to patients' (better collocation and plural 'patients'). Suggestion: use 'looking forward to working', 'reputable', 'in Canada', and plural 'patients'.