Travelling— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and avoid fillers (e.g., “umm”). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details and use a linking word to connect ideas. Also clarify vague phrases (e.g., “there is a secret”) by explaining what you mean.

예시: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. I find the changing scenery calming because the colours and movement help me relax, and I enjoy watching people on the street as it gives me small insights into everyday life.

제안: Make the answer more direct and remove repetition. Start with a clear yes/no or conditional phrase, then give a specific reason and one example. Use a linking word (e.g., “because” or “so”) to join your ideas smoothly.

예시: It depends on the view; if the scenery is interesting I will take photos. For example, when I travel through rural areas I often photograph fields and mountains because I love capturing natural landscapes.

제안: Give a clear preference with one concise reason and avoid repetitive phrases. Finish your thought fully — the answer ends abruptly. Use linking words (e.g., “because” and “so”) and provide a brief example or comparison to support your reason.

예시: I prefer the sea because its vastness matches my reflective nature. For example, I enjoy sitting on the beach thinking quietly, whereas in the mountains I feel more energetic and active.

× When I travel by bus or car I like looking at the window because it helps me umm clear my mind because looking at the changing views is really amazing and there is a secret with looking at people walking on the street.

✓ When I travel by bus or car, I like looking out of the window because it helps clear my mind; watching the changing views is really amazing, and there is something special about watching people walk on the street.

The sentence misuses prepositional phrase and gerund forms: 'looking at the window' is unnatural; English uses 'look out of the window' or 'look out the window'. Repeating 'because' creates a run-on; use a semicolon or rephrase. 'There is a secret with looking at people' is awkward — 'something special about watching people' is clearer. Also remove filler 'umm' and unnecessary personal pronoun in 'helps me clear my mind' to make it concise. (Problem type chosen because the main issues involve gerund/verb + -ing usage and related phrasing.)

× I think it depends on the view outside the window and based on the view I would choose whether or not to take pictures or to do.

✓ I think it depends on the view outside the window, and based on the view I would choose whether or not to take pictures.

The phrase 'or to do' is incomplete and unnecessary, creating an ungrammatical clause. Remove the fragment to make the conditional sentence complete. Also add a comma to separate clauses for clarity. This falls under sentence structure and tense/conditional clarity, so correction focuses on completing and simplifying the gerund phrase. (Problem type chosen because the error is in sentence structure related to verb phrase use.)

× But if they were, if I was in a rural area, I would definitely take some pictures because I really like the natural scenery.

✓ But if I were in a rural area, I would definitely take some pictures because I really like natural scenery.

In hypothetical conditional statements contrary to fact, use 'if I were' (subjunctive) rather than 'if I was'. Also 'they were' is irrelevant and should be removed. 'the natural scenery' can be simplified to 'natural scenery' unless referring to a specific scene. This is a past/hypothetical tense issue (conditional subjunctive). (Problem type chosen because it concerns correct conditional past/subjunctive usage.)

× For me, I like both, but if I had the chance to choose between them, I would say the sea because I think the sea reflects my personality because I personally think that I am a deep person and it's harder for people to understand me and as well as my.

✓ For me, I like both, but if I had to choose, I would say the sea because I think it reflects my personality: I consider myself a deep person, and it is harder for people to understand me.

The original contains repetition ('because I think...because I personally think'), an unfinished phrase ('and as well as my'), and awkward pronoun/reference. Remove redundancy, finish the thought, and replace informal 'I am a deep person' with 'I consider myself a deep person' for natural phrasing. Use punctuation to split long sentence into clearer clauses. This primarily involves incorrect use of pronouns and sentence structure. (Problem type chosen because errors are pronoun/reference and sentence structure.)