Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and structured. Start with a clear topic sentence stating your position, then give one or two specific supporting reasons with linking words. Avoid repetition and filler phrases. Also correct minor grammar (e.g., "as a non-photographer", "something new").

예시: I don't often take pictures because I'm not a photographer, but I enjoy it occasionally. For example, when I'm alone I like photographing landscapes to relax and practice composition, and this helps me notice small details I would otherwise miss.

제안: Give a clear direct answer first, then explain with specific reasons and use linking words. Avoid unclear phrases like "have their own" and "you need things to them." Replace vague words with concrete descriptions (e.g., "clean air", "open space").

예시: I prefer rural views because they feel more natural and peaceful. For instance, the open fields and fresh air help me relax, whereas cities often feel crowded and noisy.

제안: Avoid emotional exaggeration and repetition. Start with a clear statement, then give specific reasons and an example using linking words. Use neutral language (e.g., "less interesting" instead of "depressed") and fix grammar ("views in other countries", "my country is").

예시: I prefer views in other countries because they often offer more variety and historic architecture. For example, when I visited Spain I enjoyed the colourful buildings and lively plazas, which contrast with the more uniform scenery at home.

× Personally I don't like to take pictures 'cause I'm not really a photographer or anything, but if you ask me as a non photographer I think it is a fun activity to do to do when you are alone or I don't know if you want to try something on new.

✓ Personally, I don't like to take pictures because I'm not really a photographer, but if you ask me as a non-photographer, I think it is a fun activity to do when you are alone or when you want to try something new.

Error: redundant and incorrect verb forms ('to do to do', 'try something on new') and awkward phrasing. Suggestion: remove duplicated verbs, use 'when you want to try something new' for correct present participle/noun phrase structure and clearer meaning. Also replace informal 'cause' with 'because' and add hyphen in 'non-photographer' for clarity.

× Have their own. You need things to them. Personally I think rural areas look a little bit more natural to me. I saw I prefer them.

✓ They each have their own advantages. You need to pay attention to what you want from them. Personally, I think rural areas look a little more natural to me, so I prefer them.

Errors: sentence fragments ('Have their own'), unclear pronoun reference, and incorrect verb forms ('You need things to them', 'I saw I prefer them'). Suggestion: combine fragments into complete sentences, clarify subject 'they' and meaning by adding nouns ('advantages'), and use conjunction 'so' to link preference. Use 'a little more' not 'a little bit more' for conciseness or keep either consistently.

× For me I like to views on other countries a lot more than my country because I think my country is is really boring considering other countries I have been to and when I think about it I I usually get like depressed because of how boring my country is considering the other side. I think it's the other ones are better.

✓ For me, I like the views in other countries a lot more than those in my country because I think my country is really boring compared to other countries I have been to, and when I think about it I usually feel depressed because my country seems boring compared with others. I think the other ones are better.

Errors: incorrect prepositions ('views on other countries' should be 'views in other countries'), duplicate words ('is is', 'I I'), informal fillers ('like'), and awkward comparative phrasing ('considering the other side'). Suggestion: use 'in' for locations, 'compared to/with' for comparisons, remove duplicates and fillers, and use 'those' to refer back to 'views' for clarity. Maintain consistent comparative structure.