Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Reduce fillers and repetition, state a clear topic sentence, add one or two specific supporting details using linking words, and keep it under five sentences. For example, avoid repeated phrases like “adds to your experience” and remove hesitation words (uh, umm). Also give a concrete example of when or what you photograph to make the answer more specific.

예시: Yes, I enjoy photographing different views because it helps me remember places and improves my mood. For instance, I often take photos of coastal sunsets when I travel, which remind me of peaceful evenings and inspire me to paint. Therefore, taking pictures is both a creative hobby and a way to preserve memories.

제안: Begin with a direct topic sentence that answers the question, then use linking words to compare and contrast briefly. Remove fillers and combine ideas into fewer sentences for clarity. Add one specific detail about what you like in each setting to make your preference believable.

예시: I can’t choose because I enjoy both urban and rural views. Urban scenes offer striking architecture and lively streets, whereas rural areas provide peaceful fields and dramatic natural scenery; for example, I love photographing city skylines at dusk and quiet country lanes in the morning.

제안: Answer directly, avoid hesitation, and provide specific reasons and an example. Use linking words (for example, because, such as) to make the explanation coherent. Finish the sentence fully—don’t trail off—and limit to up to five sentences.

예시: I prefer views in other countries because they offer fresh cultural perspectives and sights I don’t encounter at home. For example, visiting Japan introduced me to traditional gardens and cityscapes that contrast strongly with my local environment, which makes travel more inspiring and educational.

× Yeah, uh, taking pictures of different views is definitely a great idea, primarily because umm, it adds to your experience and later on you can recall on your memories and also they add to your experiences and for the betterment of your, uh, mental health.

✓ Yes, taking pictures of different views is definitely a great idea, primarily because it adds to your experience, later you can recall your memories, and they contribute to the improvement of your mental health.

Problems addressed: repetitive and incorrect use of pronouns and noun phrases, and awkward verb forms. 'Yeah, uh' is informal; use 'Yes'. 'Taking pictures ... is' is fine (gerund as subject). Use singular 'it adds to your experience' to refer to the general activity rather than switching to 'they add'. 'Recall on your memories' is incorrect preposition and redundancy — correct to 'recall your memories' or better 'remember'. 'For the betterment of your mental health' is wordy; use 'contribute to the improvement of your mental health'. Suggested improvement: keep consistent subject reference (it/the activity vs they/the pictures), avoid filler words, use correct prepositions and concise phrasing.

× I generally like both of them and for urban areas I believe that umm, it captures a more cosmopolitan experience.

✓ I generally like both, and for urban areas I believe they capture a more cosmopolitan experience.

The sentence shifts between 'both of them' and 'it captures'. 'Both' refers to 'urban and rural areas' (plural), so use plural pronoun 'they' not singular 'it'. Also 'both of them' is acceptable but wordy; 'both' suffices. Suggestion: ensure pronoun number agrees with the noun it replaces.

× And uh, the rural areas generally have more natural landscapes, so it's best of both the worlds.

✓ Rural areas generally have more natural landscapes, so it's the best of both worlds.

Remove unnecessary definite article before 'rural areas' unless referring to specific rural areas. The idiom is 'the best of both worlds' not 'best of both the worlds'. Also drop filler 'uh' and leading 'And' if not needed. Suggestion: use established idioms exactly and keep article use consistent.

× I can't choose between one of them.

✓ I can't choose between them.

'Between one of them' is ungrammatical: 'between' already implies two or more items, so use 'between them' or 'choose one of them'. Suggestion: use either 'choose between them' or 'choose one of them' depending on intended meaning.

× I prefer visiting, umm, other countries primarily because it keeps you, uh, more engaging.

✓ I prefer visiting other countries primarily because it keeps you more engaged.

'Keeps you more engaging' incorrectly uses the present participle 'engaging' (meaning 'causing interest'). The correct form is past participle 'engaged' when describing a person's state. Also remove filler words. Suggestion: use 'engaged' to describe someone being interested or involved.

× It has lots of other experiences that you cannot have in your own country.

✓ You have many experiences there that you cannot have in your own country.

Sentence 'It has lots of other experiences' awkwardly uses 'it' to refer to 'visiting other countries'. Recast sentence to make subject 'you' or 'other countries' clearly the actor: 'You have many experiences there...' Also prefer 'many' over informal 'lots of' in formal speech. Suggestion: make subject clear and match register to context.

× You get to see different cultures, identities, different, uh, tastes and.

✓ You get to see different cultures, identities, and tastes.

The original ends abruptly with 'and.' Remove filler 'uh' and the repeated 'different'. Use parallel list structure and finish the sentence. Suggestion: keep lists parallel and complete; avoid trailing conjunctions.