Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 回答は目的（思い出を残す）を述べていて良いですが、文法ミスや語彙の誤用（“common laws”など）、冗長な表現、そして文が途切れている点を修正してください。より自然にするには、主語と動詞の一致、短く明確な文、適切な語彙（e.g. “photo gallery”）を使い、1～2つの追加情報（いつ撮るか・どう見るか）を接続詞でつなげてください。

예시: Yes, I do. I take photos to preserve memories, and in my free time I often browse my photo gallery on my iPhone to relive those moments.

제안: 主干はあるが文が途中で終わっており、繰り返しや不要な語句があるため明確さに欠けます。理由を一つに絞り、具体例（仕事場や好きな場所）を付けて接続詞でつなぎ、文を完結させてください。文は3文以内に収め、自然な語彙を使いましょう。

예시: I prefer urban views because I grew up in a rural hometown and enjoy the energy of cities. For example, I now work near Tokyo Station, so I often admire the modern buildings and busy streets during my commute.

제안: 主張はあるが語彙ミス（“bills”は誤用）や文法の欠落、最後の文の主語不明瞭など問題があります。具体的な理由（多様な景色、季節ごとの変化）を示し、例を一つ挙げて論理的に繋げてください。接続詞を使い文を整え、最大5文以内に収めてください。

예시: I prefer views in my own country because Japan offers a wide variety of landscapes. For instance, you can find snowy mountains in Hokkaido, cherry blossoms in spring, and modern cityscapes in Tokyo, so I enjoy traveling around Japan to see different scenery.

× Yes it is because it allows me to save the memories for a long time and I in my free time I usually look at my common laws in iPhone and playback my memory.

✓ Yes, because it allows me to preserve memories for a long time, and in my free time I usually look at the photos on my iPhone and replay my memories.

The original sentence has multiple structural problems: unnecessary filler 'it is', misplaced phrase 'I in my free time I', incorrect noun 'common laws' and 'playback' used as a verb. Revise by removing 'it is', placing the time phrase 'in my free time' correctly, using the correct noun 'photos' and the verb 'replay'. Also add commas for clarity and use 'preserve' instead of 'save the memories' for naturalness. Suggestion: Break long sentences into clear parts: subject + verb + object, place time phrases at start or end, and use correct vocabulary ('photos', 'replay').

× I prefer views in urban areas because I my hometown is located in a rural area and I long for the urban views and now I work at the new Tokyo station and I.

✓ I prefer views in urban areas because my hometown is rural and I long for urban scenery; now I work at the new Tokyo Station.

The original sentence contains repeated pronouns ('I my'), an unfinished clause ending with 'and I', and awkward phrasing 'urban views'. Fix by removing the extra 'I', completing clauses, and using 'scenery' for naturalness. Combine related ideas with a semicolon or separate sentences. Ensure sentence ends with a complete thought. Suggestion: Avoid repeating subjects, complete each clause, and use concise nouns like 'scenery' or 'views'.

× I prefer bills in my own country.

✓ I prefer views in my own country.

The word 'bills' is an incorrect word choice here and may be a mispronunciation or typo; the intended noun is 'views'. Replace the wrong noun with the correct pronoun-noun combination. Ensure the chosen noun matches the question context. Suggestion: Check vocabulary against context; use 'views' when talking about scenery.

× That is because Japan has a lot of nature and city views and.

✓ That is because Japan has a lot of natural landscapes and city scenery.

The original sentence ends with an incomplete conjunction 'and.' Also 'nature and city views' is awkward; use 'natural landscapes' and 'city scenery' for clarity and completeness. Remove trailing conjunctions and finish the thought. Suggestion: Avoid ending sentences with conjunctions and choose parallel, natural phrases.

× When they travel up along Japan I can find different views.

✓ When people travel around Japan, they can find many different views.

The original sentence has incorrect subject reference 'they' without clear antecedent and awkward phrase 'travel up along Japan' and wrong subject 'I' in second half. Revise to 'people' as a general subject, use 'travel around Japan', and keep subject consistent ('they ... can'). Suggestion: Keep subjects consistent in conditional clauses and use correct prepositional phrases like 'around Japan'.