Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be clearer and more natural: start with a direct topic sentence, avoid unclear words (e.g. “Inspire”), and limit to 3–4 concise sentences. Use a linking phrase to add a reason and a brief example. Focus on coherence and accurate grammar (e.g. tense and article use).

예시: No, I don’t really enjoy taking photos of views. Instead, I prefer to be fully present and store the scene in my memory because using a camera can distract me from the experience. For example, when I visit a mountain lake I spend time looking around rather than continuously photographing it.

제안: Clarify your preference and avoid contradictory statements. ‘Urban’ usually means man-made, so saying urban views are ‘not man made’ is confusing. State your main point, give a reason and a short example. Use precise vocabulary (urban, rural, architecture, skyline, parks).

예시: I prefer urban views because I enjoy city skylines and the mix of architecture and green spaces. For instance, a city riverside with modern buildings and tree-lined promenades feels lively and interesting to me.

제안: Make the response more concise and fix grammar mistakes. Start with a clear topic sentence, give a specific reason (novelty, rarity), and include a short example. Avoid repetition and incorrect phrasing (e.g. “my in other countries”, “I think they those are”).

예시: I prefer views in other countries because foreign landscapes feel new and memorable to me. For example, I treasure a photo of a coastal town I visited once abroad because I rarely travel there, so the picture helps me remember the unique experience.

× No, I'm not very fond of taking pictures. Inspire.

✓ No, I'm not very fond of taking pictures.

The word 'Inspire' is out of context and creates a sentence fragment. Remove it to keep a complete, coherent sentence. Ensure every sentence has a clear subject and verb and fits the conversation context.

× In spite of this, whenever I'm out, I enjoy being physically present there and mentally just capturing the moments in my memory.

✓ In spite of this, whenever I'm out I enjoy being physically present and mentally capturing the moments in my memory.

The original sentence is wordy and has a minor redundancy ('there' is unnecessary). Removing 'there' and adjusting word order improves clarity and flow. Keep parallel structure: 'being physically present and mentally capturing'.

× That is the best way I think, rather than to get involved in taking pictures and forget to enjoy the moment.

✓ That is the best way, I think, rather than getting involved in taking pictures and forgetting to enjoy the moment.

After 'rather than' use the -ing form for parallelism ('getting' and 'forgetting'). Also add commas for natural pause. Using infinitive 'to get' with 'rather than' is less natural here.

× I prefer views in urban areas because they are much connected to nature and they are much connected to what the God has made for us.

✓ I prefer views in rural areas because they are more connected to nature and to what God has made for us.

Content indicates rural areas are naturally connected to nature; original said 'urban' contradictorily. 'Much connected' is incorrect; use 'more connected' or 'closely connected'. Also omit the definite article before 'God' when used in general reference. Ensure word choice matches intended meaning.

× It is very raw and not man made.

✓ They are very natural and not man-made.

Refer back to 'views' (plural), so use plural 'they'. 'Raw' is informal and ambiguous; 'natural' is clearer. 'Man-made' should be hyphenated when used as an adjective.

× So I definitely prefer views in urban areas.

✓ So I definitely prefer views in rural areas.

This repeats the earlier contradictory statement. Based on preceding corrections, the speaker prefers rural views. Ensure consistency: subject-verb agreement is fine, but the noun choice must match context.

× I prefer views in my in other countries because they're new to me and I think they those are the countries where I would be visiting very less and it is not routine for me to go there.

✓ I prefer views in other countries because they're new to me and I think those are countries I would visit less often and they are not part of my routine.

Remove the extra 'my' and correct pronoun usage: 'they those' is redundant and incorrect. Use 'visit less often' instead of 'would be visiting very less' for natural expression. 'It is not routine for me to go there' becomes 'they are not part of my routine' to match plural 'countries'.

× I would like to capture the views there and make it part of my collection so whenever I want to go and recap the moment I can do that.

✓ I would like to capture the views there and make them part of my collection so whenever I want to recall the moment I can do so.

'Make it part' should agree in number with 'views' (use 'them'). Use 'recall' instead of 'recap' for remembering an experience. 'Do that' is colloquial; 'do so' is more natural. Maintain modal 'would like' and present ability 'I can' for consistency.