Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and use clearer sentence structure. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., "everyday routine" and "part of my routine").

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I visited the local park every evening for about two hours to play football with my friends, which helped me stay active and make close friendships.

제안: Correct unclear words and grammar, and organize ideas with linking words. Begin with a clear statement about current habit, then explain frequency and reason. Avoid unclear phrases like "going to box" and tense errors.

예시: I still enjoy going to parks, but I don't have time to visit them daily because of work. However, when I have a day off I make a point to take an early morning walk in the nearby park, which helps me feel relaxed and connected to nature.

제안: Be more direct and avoid filler words. Provide a clear opinion first, then a specific reason and an example. Use linking words like "because" or "so" to connect ideas and reduce hesitations like "uh."

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because I enjoy nature and would like more green spaces nearby. For instance, I plan to visit parks I haven't seen yet after I retire to learn about their history and design.

제안: Keep the answer focused and concise. Start with a direct statement, then give a specific detail (name, event, reason) using linking words such as "because" or "so." Avoid repeating "bucket list" multiple times.

예시: Yes. I want to visit the Rose Garden in my city because it hosts an annual rose festival that I have never attended due to work commitments. I hope to go next year when I have more free time.

× As a child I loved going to parks.

✓ As a child, I loved going to parks.

Missing comma after the introductory phrase 'As a child' makes the sentence less clear; insert a comma to separate the introductory clause from the main clause.

× It was my everyday routine in the evening to go to park and play with my friends, just a random play and I have grown up in parks.

✓ It was my everyday routine in the evening to go to the park and play with my friends; it was just casual play, and I grew up playing in parks.

'park' needs the definite article 'the' when referring to a specific activity of going to a park. The clause 'just a random play' is awkward; 'just casual play' is clearer. 'I have grown up in parks' is incorrectly tense and structure for habitual past—use simple past 'I grew up playing in parks.' Combined clauses require proper punctuation.

× I would say every evening, two hours, it was a part of my routine.

✓ I would say it was about two hours every evening; it was part of my routine.

The original word order is awkward. Reordering for clarity and using 'about' to indicate approximation improves grammar and readability.

× I love going to box though, I don't get time in my busy routine to share time and go to a park every day.

✓ I love going to parks, though I don't have time in my busy schedule to go to a park every day.

'going to box' is incorrect—likely intended 'parks'. 'Don't get time in my busy routine to share time' is ungrammatical; use 'don't have time in my busy schedule' and 'to go to a park' for clarity and correct collocations.

× But then definitely when I have an offer I taken off I make it a point to go for an early morning walk in the park which is near to my house so it's lovely.

✓ But when I have time off, I make it a point to go for an early morning walk in the park near my house; it's lovely.

'have an offer I taken off' is incorrect; use 'have time off'. 'which is near to my house' should be 'near my house' (no 'to'). Use present simple 'I make it a point' for habitual action.

× It feeds me getting connected to nature more.

✓ It helps me feel more connected to nature.

'feeds me getting connected' is ungrammatical. Use 'helps me feel' and place 'more' before 'connected' for correct adverb placement.

× As I'm very fond of nature, so I think I would love to see parks around my city or in my city which I have not got time, uh, to visit.

✓ Because I'm very fond of nature, I would love to see the parks in and around my city that I haven't had time to visit.

Using both 'As' and 'so' is redundant; use 'Because' or 'As' alone. 'around my city or in my city' is repetitive; combine as 'in and around my city'. 'which I have not got time to visit' should be 'that I haven't had time to visit' for correct tense and relative clause.

× So whenever I get retired, maybe it is my bucket list to visit all such parks and to have an idea about when they were created, about the history and everything.

✓ So when I retire, it is on my bucket list to visit all such parks and learn about when they were created, their history, and so on.

'whenever I get retired' is incorrect; use 'when I retire'. 'it is my bucket list' is awkward—use 'it is on my bucket list'. Use 'visit and learn about' for natural phrasing.

× Yes for sure.

✓ Yes, for sure.

Missing comma after introductory phrase for clarity.

× There's a park in my city, it's named Rose Garden and every year there's a rose festival which is organized by the corporation people there.

✓ There's a park in my city called Rose Garden, and every year there's a rose festival organized by the municipal corporation.

Use 'called' rather than 'it's named' for natural phrasing. 'the corporation people' is informal and unclear; 'the municipal corporation' is more appropriate. Add a comma and conjunction to join clauses properly.

× I would love to go there especially on this festival as till date I've not been able to just due to my professional commitments and lack of time.

✓ I would love to go there, especially for this festival, but to date I haven't been able to because of professional commitments and lack of time.

'till date I've not been able to just' is awkward. Use 'to date I haven't been able to' and 'because of' for cause. 'on this festival' should be 'for this festival.'

× But it's in my bucket list for sure.

✓ But it's definitely on my bucket list.

Use 'on my bucket list' rather than 'in my bucket list' and place 'definitely' for natural emphasis.