App— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Reduce fillers and redundancy, start with a clear topic sentence, and add one specific example of a recent edit using linking words. Aim for 2–3 concise sentences and use precise vocabulary (e.g., “photo-editing app,” “adjust exposure,” “saturation”).

예시: I’ve recently been using a photo-editing app. For example, last week I used it to crop a portrait, increase the saturation slightly, and sharpen the eyes to make the colours more vivid.

제안: Open with a direct topic sentence, remove hesitations, and give one or two reasons or uses to support your interest using linking words like “because” or “for example.” Use accurate terms such as “AI chat applications.”

예시: I’m usually interested in AI chat applications. For example, I use ChatGPT because it helps me brainstorm ideas and practice English conversation.

제안: Provide a clearer structure: state the main method first, then list specific criteria with linking words (e.g., “mainly by… because…”). Avoid repetition and use precise phrases like “subscription cost” and “data usage.”

예시: I usually discover apps by reading reviews and comparing their key features. Specifically, I check the subscription cost and the app’s data usage because those factors affect whether I will keep the app.

제안: Begin with a concise topic sentence, then give one concrete feature you want and explain why using a linking word such as “so that” or “so.” Use correct collocations like “health-tracking apps” and avoid vague words like “bodies.”

예시: In the future I’d like to use a health-tracking app that records workouts and sleep patterns so that I can monitor my progress and improve my fitness.

× And recently I have been using uh, a photos editor app application.

✓ And recently I have been using a photo editor app.

The phrase 'photos editor app application' is incorrect word choice and redundancy. 'Photos' should be the adjective form 'photo' to modify 'editor', and 'app' and 'application' are duplicates. Use 'photo editor app' for concise, grammatically correct phrasing.

× For example, when I wanted to umm, add some uh features or reshape something, or make the color more vivid.

✓ For example, when I wanted to add features, reshape something, or make the colors more vivid.

Unnecessary fillers were removed and parallel structure was improved. Use consistent verb forms in a list ('add', 'reshape', 'make') and pluralize 'color' to 'colors' when referring to image colors. This makes the sentence clearer and grammatically parallel.

× Uh, recently I'm very interested in AI technological, uh, chatting or umm, conversation application, for example, like ChatGPT or something like that.

✓ Recently I'm very interested in AI technology, especially chat or conversation applications, for example ChatGPT.

The phrase 'AI technological' is incorrect; use the noun 'technology' or the adjective 'technological' correctly. 'Chatting or conversation application' is awkward—use 'chat or conversation applications' (plural) to match interest in types. Removing filler words and 'or something like that' makes the sentence more natural.

× I would find out different app umm by uh, focusing on the features or the cost to register the application or the umm, the data amount that that I need.

✓ I would find different apps by focusing on the features, the registration cost, and the amount of data that I need.

Use plural 'apps' when speaking generally. 'Find out' is unnecessary; 'find' is better. 'Cost to register the application' is more naturally 'registration cost'. 'Data amount' should be 'amount of data'. Removed duplicate 'that'. Also improved parallel structure in the list.

× I would like to use application that help me to do exercise more easily and collect the data for my health and bodies and to have a more healthy life.

✓ I would like to use an application that helps me exercise more easily, collects data about my health and body, and helps me have a healthier life.

Use the indefinite article 'an' before a singular countable noun 'application'. Subject-verb agreement: 'that help' should be 'that helps' because 'application' is singular. Use infinitive without 'to' after 'helps me' in this context: 'helps me exercise'. 'Bodies' is incorrect in this personal context; use 'body' or 'my body'. 'More healthy' is better expressed as the comparative 'healthier'. Parallel structure improved for the list of functions.